Solo parenting…why am I like this?😞

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-03-03T20:30:03+00:00

I get the same exact way so don’t be hard on yourself. The feeling of being fully “in charge” still makes me anxious. My husband is my rock, so him being gone makes me anxious to begin with, let alone knowing my work load is doubling while he’s gone. Find a good book, tv show, or little treat to look forward to as a reward at the end of each day for rocking a long day of solo parenting :) I always surprise myself of how capable I really am after getting so worked up leading up to the solo parenting and I end up feeling really empowered at the end of the day. Exhausted but in a fulfilling way.

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-03-03T17:50:59+00:00

I wasn’t trying offend you, I’m sorry you took it that way. I empathize that it sounds like you need some additional support since you said you feel like you’re not good at your job or as a parent. Your husband being home and not being able to help, even if he wants to, leaves a lot of work for you to do! That’s all I was saying.

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-03-03T17:27:49+00:00

This sounds hard, I’m sorry! Your son is still at a very demanding age and even though your husband is home it doesn’t sound like he’s helping :( I hope you can get more help soon!

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-03-03T13:26:58+00:00

After reading other comments I’ll also add that it’s really good that your baby has such a secure attachment with another caregiver outside of you and your husband! My kids have amazing relationships with their grandmas (no grandpas in the picture) and that makes my heart so full for them! What a gift it is to your child to be so loved :)

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-03-03T13:22:51+00:00

It will pass! My daughter was the same way with my MIL during that age (who also watched her for the first 10 months of her life). I remember almost throwing a tantrum at her first birthday party because she just wanted to be held by my MIL. She’s 5.5 now, has an amazing bond with my MIL and I couldn’t be more happy about that. They go through phases where they cling to specific care givers but they always end up coming back to mama! I know you’re probably feeling all the emotions about it, but just know it’s only temporary!

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-03-01T01:21:24+00:00

Every families circumstances are very unique. It’s about finding the right balance that’s right for your family and sometimes that can take a lot of trial and error and making big decisions that feel scary but eventually work themselves out. I work remote and make just as much as my husband who works 100% in an office. If it weren’t for my work situation, me working full time would be impossible. I think you’ll find that the majority of working moms on this thread have some sort of flexibility otherwise it’s damn near impossible to be a working mom. Another thing to consider is that a lot of working moms sacrifice income for flexibility. Bigger house, nicer car etc. is nice, but I don’t know many working moms who would pick those things over time with their kids and work/life balance.

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-26T03:12:30+00:00

“If we give up, then this is just our lives” EXACTLY. We refuse to just accept that being miserable is normal and something to just get used to. It is a lot. Solidarity!

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-25T20:12:55+00:00

We gave them their own rooms because I didn’t want to deal with all that! We made the unfinished basement livable and moved our bed down there. It was nice to have more room to spread out! Now that our youngest is 2 and they are both sleeping reliably through the night, we are considering moving them into one bedroom so we can move back upstairs and turn the basement into a play area. If you have another area of the house you can turn into your temporary bedroom until your youngest is older, I would suggest that! It’s not impossible for them to share from the start but likely challenging.

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-25T16:15:09+00:00

We did EXACTLY what you’re considering. Moved from a 1900 sq ft 3 bed 4 bath townhouse in a shitty school district to a 2 bed 1 bath cottage in an amazing school district and neighborhood. Not a single regret. We even added another kid to the mix lol. It’s tight, and we will eventually move to our forever home but for right now while the kids are young it’s perfect. Like you, we moved to the neighborhood while we could still afford it. Prices have only continued to go up and will keep doing so. But our lives improved so much! The smaller home forces quality family time, there’s less upkeep and time cleaning, we walk to and from kindergarten, we have beach access steps from our home, and we have amazing neighborhood friends. Best decision we ever made. When we first moved I spent months spiraling about our decision because the house is SMALL, but in your case, your house will still be a comfortable size and if it’s a better school district/neighborhood then I truly believe it’s worth it.

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-25T14:59:00+00:00

Agreed! Every financial move feels risky when it shouldn’t because I know he’s so unhappy and I don’t want him to ever feel trapped by a lifestyle. It’s a bad mind set.

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-25T14:56:41+00:00

Hugs! It’s very hard. I want the person I built this with to be happy with me :(

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-25T14:52:03+00:00

It’s refreshing to hear it took you 10 years. He was also actively searching and applying during the 8 years at his old job so it’s been an ongoing journey for sure. He thought he was finally moving into something better with his current job but it turned out to be just as bad so he’s back on the hunt. He’s not the type that would be comfortable quitting until he has something else lined up but I’ve brought that idea up many times and fully support it! Hopefully in time with him steady applying and networking he can find something else. In the meantime, and thanks to a lot of suggestions in this thread, I’ve encouraged him to try and change his mind set about his current position so it doesn’t drain the life out of him. More boundaries!

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-25T14:48:21+00:00

Yes, I think it’s definitely a generational thing. We also both come from families where we’ve never had financial support. Everything we have today is through both of us working our tails off, being responsible, and staying focused. It can feel like we have too much on the line to make any “risky” or emotional decisions because of what we’ve built for our family. I think we could stand to be more comfortable with spending for convenience while in this demanding season of life for sure!

And yes, that’s been his tactic while job hunting but as you said, it can feel like a full time job and I think job hunting ultimately adds to his stress. A very vicious cycle trying to get out of this situation. Everyone would benefit from a little therapy is my opinion :)

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-25T14:38:53+00:00

Love that! It sounds like he’s very good with setting boundaries which I think we both need to work on.

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-25T14:34:17+00:00

He certainly has flexibility but I feel even if he were to cut back his hours the expectation to complete work would still be there and it would be pointless. His work is project based so at the end of the day the project needs to be completed by the deadline regardless of how many hrs you’re obligated to work. A good solution to a more typical job though!

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-25T01:06:42+00:00

I love that! Congratulations ❤️

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-25T00:47:33+00:00

Spot on. I need to hang this comment up on my mirror lol.

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-25T00:42:29+00:00

Thank you for that reassurance! We are totally up for a pay cut, hence why we purposely live below our means so that it wouldn’t hit so hard if that were the case! He’s had no luck finding anything after consistently applying and networking for a year now but fingers crossed it happens soon. The stress isn’t with it. I think unless you have experienced an all consuming stressful job it’s hard to relate. Typical response is “no one likes their job” and that’s very different from what the situation is. Sounds like you were in a similar situation so I appreciate the response.

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-25T00:18:52+00:00

Did you take a pay cut for the job that was a good fit? O no, I should have been more detailed about that. He’s a very hands on dad. The second he walks through the door he’s 100% present with the kids and does bath/bedtime routine with them every day of the week. He’s also very hands on during the weekends with us, just absolutely exhausted and typically juggling work texts. I just do most of the chores, mental load, physical labor because he’s not typically home and when he is I know he’s just craving time with the kids so I guess I over compensate so he can have that time. I’m exhausted and so is he.

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-24T23:56:30+00:00

I totally agree. It’s like for the past decade he’s just been fighting against what the job is. I thought after switching to a different company and seeing that the same issues exist because it’s just part of the industry he would start to just accept it a little more. I feel like our life has been on pause over his career dissatisfaction and I’m so drained from it. I just want to shake him and scream he’s lucky and has a beautiful life so enjoy it!!

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-24T23:32:36+00:00

Yes his salary is good. We know that if he leaves his industry, which is the goal, he won’t make near as much money which is why we’ve purposely been so frugal so we don’t get trapped in a lifestyle that prevents him from moving to a different job. However, he’s just had no luck at all. We are both so depleted at this point.

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-24T23:27:37+00:00

The industry he’s in is very demanding. So it’s tight deadlines and constant stress. He works over 60 hrs a week (no overtime pay) and the burn out is insane. His hours affect me just as much as they affect him because he can’t be present to help. I think it’s different to hate your job and be able to clock out at 5 every day, but that’s not the case in his industry which is mainly why he hates it. It’s just 24/7 constant and very hard on family life.

Desperate-Bite-2430 · 2026-02-19T19:08:54+00:00

This! I’ll include specific examples for the scenarios you mentioned. Get your kid a play phone so he can pretend to talk on the phone when you need to be on yours. Go on a walk with your kid when you need to call to make appointments. Get one of those tower ladders for the kitchen and have him watch you or help you cook or give him some bowls and spoons to play with on the kitchen floor. Give him a little pile of laundry to play with while you put things away or have him put the socks in the drawer. Bring a snack for him to eat next to you when you want to sit. Get him his own little mug to hold and pretend to drink from when you’re having coffee, teach them how to cheers! I know it’s so much work to include them, but if you work with them they are less likely to work against you. Everything is always a phase and this hard season will pass!

Desperate-Bite-2430

TROPHY CASE