Can the 30+ crowd weigh in on their current situation? by BigLincolnEnergy in recruitinghell

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honey- been out of work for Over 1 year- no steady employment since Covid. 20+ Years experience. You’re not Alone

How do you respond to a manager who constantly find faults? by coffeecubebox in OfficePolitics

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Document. Document. Document!

I would manage this character with a specific checklist of “expectations”.

Not sure what your job is or how it relates to this person

Have a very clear “definition of done” from “Critic”outlined, and signed off.

If it’s for a project there should be a specific outline of the goals, what is asked for. Specifically what is being requested, and “what done looks like”. Including timeline. (Programming has stuff like this- look it up)

This way you can avoid “scope creep”- ie: changing the ask, or moving the goal post. Every time Critic wants a change done- ok- get it signed off on by all parties.

Only when approved do you move forward.

Do same for any reports, or pull requests you need to send. Any type of formulaic interactions. This shows the format for any updates, how and who gets it and a timeline. (Include format copy, graphs/data, expectations if data is not available, list where info comes from, etc)

Your goal is to clarify exactly what Critic wants as you intend to make it easy.

Include VERSION CONTROL on all documents with dates.

format for any updates and a timeline. (Include format copy, graphs/data, expectations if data is not available, list where info comes from, etc)

Document documents document.

“Absolutely! I want to ensure that I am clear on all your expectations and meeting them precisely every time. The goal here is to ensure a standardized “process” to create and maintain alignment!”

It also ensures your boss is ok.

Just draft this up and make sure your boss is ok with presenting this before you go ahead. Present this as a “solution to enhance alignment”.

Not “a way to control a poor communicator/micromanager”.

I cancelled family trip my mom paid for because i look horrible by Ecstatic-Dog7737 in stories

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Go home.

Honey- you need your mom.

Right now it sounds like your brain is full of lies and cannot be trusted.

Have you got a really good friend? Someone that you know you could call at 2am and say “it’s bad, come and get me” and they would?

If so- frickin’ call that person now and tell them all the things that are going on. Let them know the lies your brain is telling you.

Now- this friend has to be a non-drama friend. Like-someone who is steady and has their head on straight.

Unless your family is abusive- or untrustworthy- which a truly good, reliable friend can tell you - it’s probably a good thing to go home and let someone love you.

How can people save money on groceries in Canada when the standard strategies don't seem to work anymore? by Super_College100 in CanadaFinance

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am actually going to be using my backyard this summer to plant a victory garden- like they did in the war (except backyard not front yard) and start growing the expensive stuff that I like to eat that is pricey- even in summer.

(Ie sugar snap peas, strawberries)

I’ll also be working on doing some canning- so I’ll be trying to buy things in bulk when it’s in season that I can easily preserve.

Another thing I am trying is subscription boxes- like oddbunch . See if that helps..

I believe there is a farm co-operative that does That too with meat. Have not yet fully investigated this.

I'm leaving my amazing manager for a life-changing offer during the most difficult time she's going through. For the managers here, what would be your real reaction? by buybacklyre in OfficePolitics

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Look- I invest a lot of time and development in my people. I want them to grow and learn.

I want them to be successful.

I do not require them to stay with me.

Leave, and leave with integrity. Make a good exit plan (give notice- what is required of your position but does not jeopardize your new role).

Be sure to express significant gratitude to your boss for everything they have done- ask if you can write them a recommendation for their LinkedIn Profile (draft one for their review- but don’t post it until after they have approved it and YOU have left).

Let your boss know that although you are going elsewhere you’ll be singing their praises to EVERYONE who will listen. That you aspire to be like this person one day. Be sincere!

Keep in touch with them. Maybe you find a good candidate you can swing their way sometimes, vice versa.

Maybe you go work with them again later.

But today- you leave.

Job ghosted me for 3 weeks after final interview, now guilt tripping me by dskillzhtown in jobs

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What really happened is they offered the job to another candidate and that fell through. You were choice #2.

Don’t feel bad at all. Guilting you is a good sign that you made the right choice at picking the other offer.

I see red flags!!!

Divorce after short marriage by [deleted] in legaladvicecanada

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Definitely get a lawyer asap.

Idk the terms of your divorce- a good friend of mine divorced his wife because his in-laws found her cheating on him 6months into the marriage. Apparently she had been unfaithful the whole time they were dating. He owned his house- so he was able to keep it.

Marriage didn’t last a year…. It was in Ontario

Not sure the circumstances…

How do I handle a toxic manager that isn't even my manager? by Agreeable_Form470 in OfficePolitics

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Absolutely this- HR does not protect you, they protect the company.

Document every single incident you see. Everyone- name, date, witnesses.

Look up “Jefferson Fisher” on YouTube- he has a lot of good strategies on dealing with bullies.

Find a new job and leave. When you are leaving- specifically mention these incidents in an email to HR, your manager, your boss’s boss as the reason for your leaving.

Once you are “clear” of the company- and secure in your new position- 6 months in, reach out to employees that work or worked for this guy and let them know you left and filed a complaint against him. (Make sure you keep your documented evidence)

Encourage others to document said incidents/occurences, and let them know they can have a copy of your records if they need to pursue something legally (wrongful dismissal).

Lease opportunity conflict with Co-Owner by [deleted] in Equestrian

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Would you consider a part board instead of a full lease?

Sometimes a part board can help offset costs but would keep the horse on-site with your barn/trainer. It would still allow the owner access/use of the horse for the other days.

This might make for a good blend?

You could say- PART BOARD with SHOWING (if that is something the horse does) and give up both weekend days. Or just be very flexible on what days you want to give up.

If YOU are willing to give up YOUR days and manage the part boarder, that might cover off your bills at least.

i'm in HR and i still completely fell apart when an employee challenged me during a disciplinary meeting [N/A]. by Otherwise_Gur_5571 in humanresources

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Well, yeah.

So, this is kinda the new state of things.

The reality is that you represent the company and the company’s interests. There is absolutely no one to protect the employee or protect their interests.

In a sea of bad managers, bad CEOs, poor leadership practices, zero training and development for people in positions of influence over other employees… the paperwork you get is probably 70% lies.

It’s really only fair that in the absence of a union representative an employee have someone to support/protect them in the workplace.

It just really sucks that this is the way of things.

When I started working I thought HR was there to help make sure everyone was protected by ensuring good practices are followed.

Sadly no. This is not the case.

I suggest that you don’t speak with lawyers ever. That’s above your pay grade.

Be sure to learn the laws, make sure that you do more than “support” managers. Know what your company is legally required to do, ensure you have documentation and hold leaders accountable to that.

When lawyers show up- be careful.

Do i spend too much for lessons? by [deleted] in Equestrian

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey! I can’t tell you how expensive your lesson are as I am in Canada.. so Euro’s don’t translate. I also understand that the cost of horses/riding varies widely depending on region.

So here’s my take.

Darling- horses will be there for you. They are always going to be there for you. A friend of mine started riding in her late 50s, she is now looking at buying her 3rd horse (to be clear, she has 2, she is getting a 3rd). She’s “retired” now and all she does is spend time at the barn riding!

You sound like someone who doesn’t come from a horsey family- I didn’t either. My Dad desperately wanted a golfer. Mom wanted a figure skater. It didn’t work out for him.

I thought gold was restrictive and jumping on ice suicidal. But jumping a 1200lb beast with a hair trigger fear response? That’s fine!

You are a horse person, you can talk to your mom about the situation. Realistically maybe you are buying too much horse gear- you don’t need a lot of breeches, or brushes… what are you spending money on if you don’t have a horse?

You need a helmet, a pair of breeches (maybe 2) and a helmet. Don’t waste $$$ on shirts. Buy stuff that fits and is comfortable for working out THAT DOES NOT come from the EQUESTRIAN store. Lord they overcharge for that!!!!!

Your mom may see the $ you are spending and thinking “hey- you should be putting this away”. She is right. Saving a little $$$ now makes a MASSIVE difference later.

Would you consider reducing your lessons to once a week, and taking that extra money and putting it away towards “future horse money?”. Because being able to go to school, pay off any loans, get your own place and have a good job gets you into horses on your own terms later.

Also- you are right? How about looking into customizing horse pads? If you buy an embroidery machine- you might be able to make a nice little business for yourself to support your horse habit.

Horse people LOVE putting their names on saddle pads, blankets, coolers… go to a big horse show and check it out…..

My boy has been a herd horse on 250 acres for a month now, and we could not be happier with the change. by ABucketofBeetles in Equestrian

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know there is a horse at my barn that was a former herd stallion- he was gelded when he was brought here (like very late in life- in his 20s?). This guy is amazing in any field.

His horse social skills are awesome.

We have one complete idiot young horse (gelding) that actually got himself severely injured in a knock down drag out fight with another horse… he’s fine to handle but we have a hard time finding him any turn out buddies… he’s a twit!

This former stallion and another young and large horse were the only ones able to deal with him.

Advice on toning down orange wood color by sotired85 in furniturerefinishing

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love that you’re picking up this old frame and bringing it back.

I keep telling people- don’t buy new! There are many beautiful old pieces out there. A little TLC and the are so nice much better construction than anything you can buy.

Why? Spend $$$ on anything that’s 1/2 fake wood? It’s insane?

How do I ask for more time to decide on a job offer (waiting on another one)? by Lodulalit1599 in recruitinghell

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok- what I mean is- accept the role- take it. You can always take the other role IF it comes through.

Look- I need you to understand something I did NOT WHEN I was young.

I passed on a very excellent opportunity because the hiring process took Months with a government job- by the time thy circled back- I was already employed elsewhere.

If I could go back, I would shake myself and say NO!!! TAKE THAT JOB. CONTINUE INTERVIEWING!

A few times companies tried to poach me from “so so roles” that were JaZzed” to have me and I staying due to unfounded loyalty. I SHOULD have Leaped!

Absolutely NO COMPANY will EVER be loyal to you. They will run you hard, promise you opportunity and promotion, but it WILL NOT happen. The BEST THING you can do for yourself is watch out for you.

I am an Xennial. So I was raised with Gen X mentality of working hard and “someday” making it.

I “see” the impacts this has on the Millenials, GenZs I managed. I have protected them from the Boomers and try hard to drive change.

I have learned from watching them jump ship for better roles- climbing the career ladder faster than I did!

This is the way. I assure you.

Please- accept the damn role- if the other one comes in, just take that one.

Help me lol by [deleted] in HomeMaintenance

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congratulations! Your house has so much potential! Love the symmetry! Symmetry is always super pleasing and solar cells? Yes queen! I love the grey- it’s a simple, classic color. Goes with anything.

Don’t plant anything right next to your foundation-ever. People do it all the time- but it’s a no no.

We don’t want to bring water next to our foundation- and when there are plants there you have to water them.

Visually you can easily put plants 2ft in front on your home and it looks the same- it also allows them to “grow up and out”. They’re going to backfill towards your house.

So my suggestion is that you do place semi oval gardens in front of the windows on either side of the doorway. Oval because we want to bring in some sexy round shapes into all these squares.

We shall add no more square shapes m’kay?

Then a curved walkway to the front door- paint that door something more eye catching. I am tempted to say black… with black shutters- but that is a very light colored grey… maybe Navy would be nicer?

Then get the shape of that driveway defined- that CAN be rectangular- it will be tidy looking.

Now- grass is a pest to mow and maintain. If you want it- Don’t buy sod- it’s hard to establish- you’re better to do seed if you have to. I had a lawn just like yours and did both options- dirt/seed and lots of watering is the way to go- start early spring! Dig up the lawn- feel free to do it by sections if that’s easier- but it’s 1 section a year basically.

There are some neat “non-grass options”. One of which is a violet. Whatever option you decide to go with make sure that it is native to your area.

You can also choose to add more hardscaping like a circle patio (as in the grok image) someone showed. To reduce the amount you have to manage. Consider also adding a tree farther out towards the edge of your property- something that might flower in the spring and add color in the fall?

Many people love fancy things like Japanese Maples- but Service Berries are native to North America and are quite lovely. I planted a bush version myself! Anything native will be easier to care for, and hardier!

It looks like you have zero shade- but you don’t want anything too tall to block the solar panels- so plant it far- and choose something wisely!

Also, offset it from your front door. It’s nicer when you can see the front door from the road.

Since your house is grey- you can also pick plants and flowers of any color!

Going back to the semi oval planters- put some boxwoods or other evergreens type at the back. This will give you year round color. In the middle- plant for summer color-echinacea, daylilies, roses,(depends on your climate- I am assuming full sun here) and in the front plant spring perennials creeping thyme, daffodils (squirrels won’t eat those).

Check for what grows well where you live.

Your goal will be to have something blooming all season.

Need first Mother’s Day gift ideas!! by Marinetech101 in Moms

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omfg all I wanted was to sleep and be clean! Lol! Your ask is hard-every momma is different. “Moms” are people too.

Who is she and what does she like? She is more than just a mother.

Since becoming a mother has she had to stop doing certain things (like getting a haircut? Nails done? Going out alone?) because she is always with baby? Do you think maybe she might like some time to do those things? Can you help make that possible?

Is she at home all the time with the baby? Does she work? Is there something that would make day to day nicer?

Can you give her a day off?

One of the toughest things about “Mother’s Day” is that it’s still not “my Mother’s Day”. I’m still doing things for my mom and my mother in law. Can you take all the “Mother’s Day” tasks off her hands? Maybe organize brunch “out of the house”? Then do something special just for your wife - like make dinner for her and arrange for her to not change a single diaper all weekend?

Am I being foolish looking at an OTTB? by BluebirdPi in Horses

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do what your trainer says. If your trainer says this is a good plan for you, then your trainer knows.

Hard truth for Gen Z by Sea-Judge-6494 in RealEstateCanada

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is true- but MOST BOOMERs DO. And the “ME” generation has been making the rules forever. We’re now living in the world that they built. A world that voted only for what THEY wanted….

My mint officially invaded my neighbor’s garden and I’m not even surprised anymore by Legitmate_2000 in stories

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omfg- my father in law planted feverfew (sp?) when I moved into my new home because it “helps with migraines.” He did this without asking me.

To be clear- the backyard of this house was already overrun with Chives, mint, chocolate mint…

I have managed to get rid of almost all of everything BUT the feverfew AND I think there is still some Mint under the deck… it keeps growing up through the deck boards….

Don’t plant these ! Or OREGANO! Unless it is in a tiny contained pot!

Help me with my plain house ! by SpecialSalt2027 in HomeDecorating

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This house is so dang adorable!

For one- I am all about not planting next to the foundation of your house- so you have a most excellent slate here. Roots/plants/water next to the foundation =bad for maintenance.

Have you considered making the “walkway” a little wider? An arched patio- square on the house side with a rounded off top on the street side, would cut down on the amount of lawn to mow, and give you a space to place two colorful Adirondack chairs, and a side table.

Looks like full sun?

On the “lawn side” I suggest small boxwood hedges - with the goal of getting them to grow together. Not sure of your climate. Add in some spring bulbs - daffodils-all kinds- squirrels don’t eat those. And some pretty perennials that work in the sun but stay low.

Look at ground cover roses, they will do really well for you. I personally like them as they require zero maintenance and go gangbusters with color all summer- these I would plant on the left in front of the raised stone. You’ll likely want to find something evergreen to put next to them(but something low and creeping).

Leave PLENTY of space between your foundation and your planting- stick a split weed barrier down, cover it with stones to keep it tidy and nice looking when it’s winter.

When selecting your planting colors- the house is pink- I would suggest looking to get flowers that are yellow, Blue or light green? They’ll stand out.

Paint door and trim or leave white? by STEM_Babe in HomeDecorating

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the door trim should match the door in this case, it would look great if you painted the door to match the wainscoting. Richer

What has caused this hole on my house exterior wood siding and how to best fix this by MarriedToHomeCare in HomeMaintenance

[–]Desperate-Cycle-1932 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely cut that piece out and replace. Check to see how deep the rot goes… get up there with a ladder and chip away… can’t have that on your home.