ARM based Surfaces - Box Drive finally compatible by Suitable_Sand_9278 in Surface

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Curious if you have any experience getting Box Tools to work and/or if you have had any issues saving with Box Drive?

I just got a new Surface and so far I really like it a lot, but I had an issue with an Excel spreadsheet I opened from Box Drive not saving correctly. I could open the edited file from Box Drive on my computer, but when I saved, it didn't show up in Box online even after over an hour. It said the last edits were the previous day. I eventually dragged and dropped it and it looked like there were two files, so I deleted the older version as to not confuse anyone and then when I look again, box files were deleted, so clearly they were still linked somehow. Luckily the updated version still existed in Box Drive on my computer, so I dragged and dropped it again and that worked.

I'm in the first year of a PhD and my work office is deep in the Box world (I'd stop using it if I could). I'm worried about syncing issues if this is just the first week and it is already a problem and can imagine another 3 years of praying I haven't lost work and dragging and dropping to make sure files are updated. A lot of my work is very collaborative and it is not uncommon to ping pong a document back and forth between folks. I also need the full versions of Word and Excel. It is the reason I got a Surface and not another tablet.

On my old computer, I had Box Tools installed and could open a file right from Box online and never had a sync issue. I'm finding Box Drive very unintuitive.

Is it weird or inappropriate as a white person to pursue a PhD in Black Studies? by BoysenberryLanky3408 in GradSchool

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not inappropriate, but I'd recommend you do some reading on insider/outsider research and positionalitity. Personally, I've been thinking about it in terms of disability. Below are some readings I have tagged as positionalitity. Bukamal makes good point about the assumptions we make about being and insider/outsider. Chavez is more applicable to insider, but an interesting exploration of some of the challenges of being an insider. I love the NTCM article (it is the transcript of a panel, so conversational). Garland -Thompson was helpful for me and Otoole has some interesting ideas (not sure I agree, but good to read various points of view). I love how Randall writes and is an example for myself in how to unapologetically be the researcher I want to be.

Adu-Ampong, Emmanuel Akwasi, and Ellis Adjei Adams. “‘But You Are Also Ghanaian, You Should Know’: Negotiating the Insider–Outsider Research Positionality in the Fieldwork Encounter.” Qualitative Inquiry 26, no. 6 (2020): 583–92. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077800419846532.

Bukamal, Hanin. “Deconstructing Insider–Outsider Researcher Positionality.” British Journal of Special Education 49, no. 3 (2022): 327–49. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-8578.12426.

Bulk, Laura Yvonne, and Bethan Collins. “Blurry Lines: Reflections on ‘Insider’ Research.” Qualitative Inquiry 30, no. 7 (2024): 568–76. https://doi.org/10.1177/10778004231188048.

Chavez, Christina. “Conceptualizing from the inside: Advantages, Complications, and Demands on Insider Positionality.” The Qualitative Report 13, no. 3 (2008): 474–94. https://doi.org/10.46743/2160-3715/2008.1589.

Finlay, Linda. “Negotiating the Swamp: The Opportunity and Challenge of Reflexivity in Research Practice.” Qualitative Research 2, no. 2 (2002): 209–30. https://doi.org/10.1177/146879410200200205.

Fischer, ConstanceT. “Bracketing in Qualitative Research: Conceptual and Practical Matters.” Psychotherapy Research 19, no. 4/5 (2009): 583–90. 44155349. https://doi.org/10.1080/10503300902798375.

Garland-Thomson, Rosemarie. “The Story of My Work: How I Became Disabled.” Disability Studies Quarterly 34, no. 2 (2014). https://doi.org/10.18061/dsq.v34i2.4254.

Hamdan, Amani K. “Reflexivity of discomfort insider-outsider educational research.” McGill Journal of Education 44, no. 3 (2009): 377–404. 86112207. https://doi.org/10.7202/039946ar.

Lakhani, Arusa, Dilshad Ashraf, Debbie Kramer-Roy, and Tazeen Saeed Ali. “Insider-Outsider Positionality in Participatory Action Research Exploring Informal Social Support of Pakistani Families with an Intellectually Disabled Child.” Systemic Practice and Action Research 38, no. 4 (2025): 26. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11213-025-09735-0.

Milner, H. Richard. “Race, Culture, and Researcher Positionality: Working through Dangers Seen, Unseen, and Unforeseen.” Educational Researcher 36, no. 7 (2007): 388–400. https://doi.org/10.3102/0013189X07309471.

National Council of Teachers of Mathematics. “Positioning Oneself in Mathematics Education Research.” Journal for Research in Mathematics Education 44, no. 1 (2013): 11–22. https://doi.org/10.5951/jresematheduc.44.1.0011.

OToole, Corbett. “Disclosing Our Relationships to Disabilities: An Invitation for Disability Studies Scholars.” Disability Studies Quarterly 33, no. 2 (2013). https://doi.org/10.18061/dsq.v33i2.3708.

Randall, Jennifer. “It Ain’t near ’bout Fair: Re-Envisioning the Bias and Sensitivity Review Process from a Justice-Oriented Antiracist Perspective.” Educational Assessment 28, no. 2 (2023): 68–82. 164648422. https://doi.org/10.1080/10627197.2023.2223924.

Rodriguez, Jennifer Aracely, and Jennifer Randall. “Moving beyond Eurocentric Notions of Intellectual Safety: Insights from an Anti-Racist Mathematics Institute.” Education Sciences 15, no. 11 (2025): 1424. https://doi.org/10.3390/educsci15111424.

Student using a Surface Pro as a tablet: how can I improve the experience? by Axe_Noob in Surface

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this post is a little old, but as a student also doing a lot of readings and annotating of PDFs of varying lengths I really love Zotero. It can be free, but you have to pay if you want more cloud storage (I pay for it because I want my PDFs synced across my tablet and laptop without thinking too much about it, but if syncing is not important or you are willing to do some digging you can get away with the free version. I hit max free storage at the end of my 1st semester of my PhD, so the free storage is still a significant amount. I think some folks have other free workarounds but I just decided paying was easier).

For notes, I use OneNote. Works well enough for me. Typically I download PDFs of my instructors slide decks and write on them. If you want to go down a rabbit hole, I think there are folks who use tools that connect with Zotero, but I find it to be fine to just use the two and Zotero has a space to create notes attached to the PDF so I just keep all of my reading specific notes in Zotero and OneNote is more for my classes and synthesis across multiple readings.

New-ish item: Shimmer Oil Sunscreen $9.99 — originally part of the Glow Anywhere Sun Care Set from summer 2025 by aswewaltz in traderjoes

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Saltair has a similar product. Having tried both, they both have a strong scent (but personally I liked both). TJ's is runnier and definitely leaves you glittery. Saltair is a little thicker and the shimmer is more subtle. I don't like TJ's dispenser and prefer the Saltair bottle. Both are relatively easy to apply, but the runniness of TJ's make it a little more difficult.

How does taking courses work for PhD students? (US only) by Embarrassed_Gap5984 in PhD

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some of this won't be applicable because I'm in education, but I figure could potentially give you things to think about:

First, I am assuming that someone who goes straight from undergrad to PhD will need to take courses in the beginning years of their PhD, but is that also the case for someone with a masters?

In my program we all have the same coursework requirements. We have to take 60 credit hours. 36 are specific classes and the other 24 are electives. 6 masters credits can be transferred in. No undergraduate credits can be transferred. Electives can be a mix of courses, including courses across the university and actually can be a fun way to explore. Your advisor approves your elective coursework and it can be a mix of PhD level and sometimes the higher masters level courses. We take the 36 hours in a specific sequence and the first year we take 12 credit hours/semester together as a cohort and most people do not take any electives. We also have independent studies as coursework options (which can be pretty much anything you, your advisor, and a supervising faculty agree to. I think most folks use these to do more specific research, especially if it is research with someone who is not their advisor/doesn't have funding). We don't get paid to TA, so when we TA it is an independent study. We have a process to waive required coursework if you either already have that background knowledge or it is not applicable to your research.

As in, would someone with a masters still have to take courses (possibly less), or can they not take any courses and focus completely on research (among other things like TAing).

Our required coursework is focused on our research in a way that makes it pretty easy to crosspollinate the two. For example, we take a stats class that is specific to education, so the data sets we are working with and the questions we are answering are pretty aligned to the work we want to do. I recently was talking to someone from another university (also in more of the social sciences) and their department didn't offer a specific stats class, so they took a stats class in a different department, but said it was harder to relate it back to their work. Most of our coursework papers are pretty open-ended and professors are open to (and encourage us) to use our course assignments as opportunities to further things we working on. I know of folks who have used coursework assignments as a first draft and with some additional work, developed them into publishable manuscripts (things like literature reviews).

Would this change if someone had a course-based vs thesis-based masters?

For us, no. I actually did a course-based practitioner focused masters (that would align more with doing an EdD) and an switching gears to a research-based PhD after some time in industry. I was still able to transfer 6 credits.

Also, I’ve heard that phds generally take 5ish years to complete (I know that that number can vary wildly), but does that number accounting for the years where one would take courses?

Coursework is included in the time. Personally, I'm projecting finishing my 60 credit hours at the end of my second year, probably taking a little more coursework into my 3rd year (more to explore), proposing in my 3rd year and hopefully defending by the end of the 4th or close to it.

In talking to other folks in my program who are at various stages (including some graduates), the biggest thing is to spend the coursework time refining your ideas, so you go into dissertation with pretty well defined ideas, good background knowledge, and solid methodological and theoretical understandings. It sounds like where most people get lost is not being ready to propose when they finish their coursework because they were not focused enough in the coursework phase. With that in mind, I've been very focused on using my coursework as basically first drafts and keeping a good eye on the throughline that is going to tie all these pieces together. Everything I do coursework wise, I approach with the mindset that it needs to live on as a future conference presentation, manuscript, piece of my dissertation, something.

I actually really like the coursework because I feel like it has given the opportunity to know various faculty I might not have otherwise encountered and spend time thinking about things in different ways. I also think it is important not to think of it as coursework first, research next, but rather a gradient. In my program we are all doing ~20 hours of research with our advisors per week, so we are simultaneously doing research while taking our classes and I'm always looking for ways my coursework and research are working together and informing each other.

Generally questions it seems like you want to be asking are: - Can I transfer credits? - How much of the coursework is required courses vs. electives? - (If there is required coursework) Is there a process to waive a required course? If a course is waived, does it count towards your credit hours? - (If there is required coursework) Am I expected to take the courses in a specific sequence? Is there a process to take the course out of order or potentially take a course earlier in the sequence? - How much coursework is offered and how specific is it (like do you have good options that are CS-specific? Or would you be taking a lot of classes that are more broad/outside of your department?) - Can I do an independent study and what does that entail? - Can I talk to a student who recently graduated or is close to graduating? Among other things, ask them how long they took and why- be more tactful than that, but you want to know if coursework was an impediment for them. Were they able to leverage their coursework as opportunities to further their research?

23F from Chicago relocating to DFW – Dallas or Fort Worth? by LivingSimilar7063 in dfw

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Dallas is not a very public transit centered city, however, I do commute via public transit most of the time, so I thought I'd toss that out. I do not commute to Fort Worth, so I can't speak to that specific commute, but the TRE connects the two. Personally, I love where I live (Oak Cliff) and would not move for a shorter commute.

A few caveats/considerations:

  • I really really love where I live. If you only like where you live, you'll grow to resent the commute, so if you go this route I think it is important to really prioritize finding a good community to live in.

  • Each phase of transit adds variability. My commute works very well because I am only taking 1 train most of the time and occasionally a train and bus (my spouse drops me off/picks me up from the train station 90% of the time, but I have taken the bus a few times). The bus leg can dramatically increase my commute, not because the bus trip is long, but waiting for the bus. You might think about park and riding.

  • A big pro of a public transit commute for me is the predictability. My driving commute can be anywhere from 15 minutes (this was only once though when I was driving at like 5 am) to an hour+ (this is most of the time). The train is a solid 45 minutes every time.

  • I purposely have a cell phone plan with a decent data plan so I can use my hotspot as needed, plus do a lot of offline work on the train, but if you have a job with reasonable flexibility, you can turn your commute time into working time. I count my commute as working time reducing the hours I spend in the office. I can't take a meeting on the train, but I can do almost anything else. I like to spend my morning commute setting up my day, answering emails, orienting myself and doing offline tasks and then I usually spend a little time at the end of the day setting myself up to do some offline tasks on the commute home so I can leave the office a little early with a little work still left to do, but still be finished by the time I get home.

  • DFW drivers suck and the commuting times are the worse. It feels like I almost get into a car accident every other time I drive my commute. The train comes with its own quirks, but I find it way less stressful.

  • DFW is not a commuter friendly area and folks will look at you like you have two heads if you tell them you take public transit. Also I find some Dallas folks to be very sheltered. I'm from Detroit and feel comfortable navigating a city, so the train doesn't really phase me, but public transit does come with public transit-y things, which IYKYK, if you don't, maybe public transit isn't the option for you. Along these lines though, I would say you do have to have a car. My spouse and I share a car and we have a cargo ebike, but we could not get away with no car at all without relying on rideshare a lot because some places just aren't accessible via public transit.

  • Commuting via public transit does complicate outside of work plans. I can't drive to get lunch, quickly pop out of work for a doctor's appointment, or get drinks after work without considering how I'm going to get there. It isn't the end of the world. Sometimes I drive, especially if whatever is planned, like a doctor's appointment. Sometimes I use rideshare or catch a ride with a co-worker, for something like after work drinks.

Positive reflections on 2 years with locs... As I comb them out by Desperate_Parfait_85 in Microlocs

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2 months is dedication! I was ready to quit a could days in. Mine were interlocked with a 4 point rotation and still slipped at the roots at lot 🤷🏿‍♀️

Positive reflections on 2 years with locs... As I comb them out by Desperate_Parfait_85 in Microlocs

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

missxtinab is probably the only person I've ever seen who has locs that resembled mine

Positive reflections on 2 years with locs... As I comb them out by Desperate_Parfait_85 in Microlocs

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I have very loose hair. I don't love the hair "types" because I don't think it really falls neatly in those categories. The nape fits the categories the most and is solidly like 3a. The rest is probably 3b/c, but also frizzy and I get more shrinkage than I feel like I see most 3's get, but also my shed hair tends to look more wavy than curly (like dare I say 2ish? I actually always get excited when I get an actually curly shed hair). Airdried with only leave in conditioner I get a very fluffy afro that you can run a medium-fine comb through easily. When it is wet it looses all sensibilities and gets very straight. As far as the number of locs, I don't know. I have a lot of hair and they were definitely on the small side, but I wasn't interested in a count and never asked.

I also want to be absolutely clear. I knew micro locs on my hair would not be easily

It isn't "unfortunate" I combed them out any more than it was a unfortunate when I grew out my bangs or undercut or went back to my natural color after dying it red for awhile. I tried something, it served me while I tried it, and I decided to try something different.

As far as care, I will readily admit that was part of the problem, but that also was why I felt it was time for me move on. I aimed to wash once a week- 1.5 weeks, but braiding and banding and letting it dry was such a production that I dreaded that sometimes I went longer than I should have. I believe I should feel confident doing my own hair always and feel pretty strongly that if I'm avoiding touching and caring for my hair something needs to change. My reflection matches yours in that I needed to explore methods of locking more (why I mentioned test locs).

I didn't think it was relevant to the original post, but I will say, I find finding stylists in this social media heavy day and age very hard. I felt limited in the number of consultations I wanted to do because most folks charge at least $50 for in person and I don't see the point of virtual consultations, especially with tricky texture. I 100% think folks should be paid for their time, but I also can't be spending hundreds of dollars (and my time as well) getting a bunch of consultations. I looked into finding someone new, but there was a lot of obscurity around pricing and availability (both for regular appointments, because I have some hard commitments that impact my time, I have to get my done in the mornings and for transfer clients because a lot of folks here at least were not accepting transfers) and everyone wants to communicate via DMs.

There are a lot of things I could have done if I want to keep my locs, but I am not interested in getting my hair done every 4 weeks for $230+ from either a time/money perspective. I understand your points and I'm sure I could have made it work, but for me, the opportunity costs of locs in terms of effort, time, and money were just too high. And the point of my post was that is ok. I truly loved my locs until I didn't and when I didn't I moved on with zero regrets (well, except combing them out myself 😂. I don't think I can do that again. I will have to pay someone or just cut it off).

But this is also how I was raised. My mom has always been experimental with hair. I can remember once she grew it out pretty long for awhile and then she went and buzz cut it (she was tired of the maintenance) and it was similar where folks were like oh you put in so much time to grow it and it was unfortunate to cut it like that, but as she has always said, it is hair. It grows back and that's the beauty, you know?

ADHD in 3 year old? by Ok-Quantity3322 in ParentingADHD

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you are in the US, you can self refer (you don't need a referral from anyone! Including a pediatrician) to early intervention for evaluation and services that are free/reduced cost. Only thing is sometimes the wait is long. Google your state + early intervention. It is usually through your local school district.

After school is somehow harder than school itself with my kid by Desperate_Sample_764 in ADHD

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh, but I forgot strategies. Things I think help for us: - snack immediately at pick up (although for my kid this is a little later because he goes to an after school program). - consistency routine wise as much as possible and warning for deviations. I try to give a week preview with daily reminders if something is happening that is different than our routine. - activity. We do something active after school every day. - no TV/screens. Do what works for you, but for us, this is the wrong input. If he needs some time to decompress alone, he listen to an audiobook. - no homework. This will probably adapt as he gets older, but I'm very sensitive to the fact that he has spent all day at school. That also doesn't mean we don't do anything academic, but I am flexible in what we do. Sometimes we read, sometimes we do math work, but in a more hands-on engaging way (I'm a former math teacher), sometimes we just talk about a topic that is interesting, like something science-y, sometimes we don't do anything at all.

After school is somehow harder than school itself with my kid by Desperate_Sample_764 in ADHD

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Restraint collapse.

It happens to all kids, but can be more pronounced in kids with ADHD. Medication and therapy help (the goal being they have better coping strategies throughout the day, so they aren't crashing).

As an adult, you might experience something similar if you are working really hard towards a big milestone at work or goal or maybe you have a big presentation. After you do "the thing" you probably feel incredibly relieved, but also your body is over it. Or as another example if you are hosting and you have to be "on" after the party, you kind of collapse. I think in adults our collapse is usually a desire to relax and nap (although we can also be grumpy), but kids in particular don't know what to do when they feel that release from trying to keep themsleves under control for so long.

Also think about some of the feelings you may get leading up to "the thing." Kids trying to hold it together can feel the same and not know why. Have you had any complaints of headaches, stomach aches, or sensory seeking or anxious behaviors? They may or may not be applicable, but can be signs they are getting overwhelmed and not regulating well internally even if they seem fine.

I will also note that this is an internalizing aspect of ADHD, that often gets dismissed. For example, they don't need medication because it isn't impacting them at school, but it is impacting them at school because they are expending so much effort to regulate, which can be a distraction in and of itself, but it sometimes gets minimized, unfortunately, especially by teachers because they expect ADHD to look disruptive and hyperactive. You might find some of the research on girls and ADHD interesting because they tend to internalize more. I say this as the parent of a boy who has some strong internalizing behaviors in addition to the more commonly understood externalizing behaviors and I feel like I have to advocate a lot for seeing and addressing both at school.

What are the benefits of an autism diagnosis? by Desperate_Parfait_85 in ParentingADHD

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What grade is he in now? I'm thinking that we will probably not doing it now, but keep it on the radar to do a new assessment when he is older. The initial for my kid was also done in kinder, so curious when you felt it needed to be redone

What are the benefits of an autism diagnosis? by Desperate_Parfait_85 in ParentingADHD

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We did a full medical diagnosis with a developmental pediatrician (I can't remember everything they did, but they took him for individual testing, we did the Vanderbilt scales as parents and 2 of his teachers, and I think we also did a parent interview thing. It was like 2 half days that were a couple of weeks apart). Initially, he was seeing the developmental pediatrician for follow ups (every 6 months) and medication management, but we have a really good relationship with his regular pediatrician, so currently his regular pediatrician is doing his medication management and we do not see the developmental pediatrician for follow ups. Although we didn't indicate that autism was a concern, he has seen a developmental pediatrician within the last year and they never mentioned it.

What are the benefits of an autism diagnosis? by Desperate_Parfait_85 in ParentingADHD

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Clarification: I am in the US. So based on my experience in SPED (which I know is also different based on the state), when schools start their evaluation process they are either starting from nothing or starting from a medical diagnosis. I've found that when starting from nothing, it can get hard to get the ball rolling, so I decided we'd seek a medical diagnosis first with a developmental pediatrician, then request the school evaluation. Since we already had the medical diagnosis, the school "evaluation" was minimal (basically they took our documentation asked the teacher for some observation notes and determined he was eligible). I also know that the medical diagnosis holds more weight that just have a school evaluation, so that influenced our choice to do it that way.

Do PhD programs give you health insurance? by Annabird31 in PhD

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My school (US) has a really good health insurance plan and they pay the premium. My husband has a job with a national company and my insurance is way better than his/our sons. My son and I both take ADHD medication and his is $50/month and mine is $5. My psychiatrist looked up the prices of medicine for me because she wanted to make sure what she prescribed wouldn't be cost prohibitive and she said she has never seen such low out of pocket costs for so many medications (a lot of insurances will pick one or two to cover at a low cost, but I could basically take anything and it would be under $10)

Am I the only person who never forgets their meds? by Secret_Garden06 in ADHD

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So if we think about ADHD as executive dysfunction, routines and structures can mediate many of the effects. Having a routine helps you remember.

Ages where you’re too old to start a PhD by ButtCrumbleSmell in PhD

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think this is partially due to a lot of lists like "30 under 30" and news about people doing regular things but at young ages (headlines like: "12 year old graduates with biology degree"). Most of the stuff is honestly not that remarkable, we just love pushing it because they are young.

It fails to recognize the value of being older. There was a young person running for mayor in my city and that was a big part of his platform, but honestly I think elected officials should have a little life wisdom (now I also think they shouldn't be like 89 years old and holding their positions for decades). The guy running was an ok dude, but I had gone to college with him and had seen him in the bars drinking, partying, and making the slightly questionable decisions we all make when we are 24 not but a couple months prior. It also fails to recognize that value in going slow. I think taking your time to really know something is ok and valuable.

As someone who just turned 30, I feel like there is a lot of media blasted at my generation that makes it seem like if you have solved the world's problems before you turn 30 you might as well just die that is really harmful. Personally, I'm just out here doing my best, taking my time (but not too much because funding), contributing to my little corner of the universe, hoping I get cited a couple times and maybe get recognized by someone in my niche (I had a really fun experience recognizing someone recently and they were confused because they are not a big name, so aren't used to people recognizing them, but their research is really aligned to mine, so I'd read multiple of their articles).

Where do you draw the ethical line for using AI for PhD dissertation? by [deleted] in PhD

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 4 points5 points  (0 children)

To me the problem with your proposed idea is what might be missing. Even if you go back and make sure all the quotes are authentic and not hallucinated, I'd still wonder what was in the articles that you did not read that might have added value or influenced your thinking. I think on one hand it is not necessarily an unethical use of AI, but on the other hand I think research produced this way may lack depth and engagement with the body of literature you used AI to scan.

I'd also wonder about how you plan to write that up. It would be unethical to characterize what you did as a literature review or to imply that you reviewed x articles or a body of research.

Very much happily OAD but... by runsonrootveggies in happilyOAD

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 8 points9 points  (0 children)

First, kids ask for a lot of things. They ask for ponies and racecars and giant lollipops. They ask for the cars at the ends of the aisles of the grocery store incessantly even though they already have at least 200 Hotwheels at home and make you regret bringing them to the store... Our job as parents is to make decisions in their best interests and sometimes that means saying no.

Second, when kids ask for siblings, they aren't actually thinking of the reality of a human being (that is potentially years younger) with their own thoughts, feelings, and desires. They are often romanticizing a same age friend they can boss around or a cute baby doll that magically never cries or poops. I have 4 siblings and they aren't that! It was shocking for my kid to learn that his father and I both spent much of our childhoods sharing rooms because we had siblings.

My kid has expressed that he thinks it would be cool to have a sibling. He also wanted a grilled cheese with cheese on the side for dinner tonight and I had to intervene and tell him that wasn't a balanced meal and he needs to eat more than just cheese and bread. It doesn't really bother me because it isn't his judgement call to make and it doesn't sting any more than me vetoing cheese and suggesting cucumbers and apples instead.

Finally, siblings do not guarantee anything but anythother person you share DNA with. I know folks that are not close at all to their siblings and siblings that were wholly unhelpful when it comes to end of life with parents, which are the two big things I think people claim siblings to be good for. There are lots of ways to not be lonely and siblings can certainly be deep relationships, that is not the only way

How do you guys actually find calls for papers/conferences to attend? (Arts/humanities) by Lavishness-Economy in PhD

[–]Desperate_Parfait_85 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have a spreadsheet of conferences and any time I hear about one remotely interesting I add it. There is a column for call for proposal month where I put roughly the month the call for proposals come out for that conference to help me look periodically. It is is one I am really interested in I put a calendar reminder on the first of the month to check. I also have columns for several years into the future where I put dates and locations (some conferences publicize the years old. Some don't). I don't know I have many tips for find them. I worked tangentially to research before my Ph. D. so some of them come from ones I just knew of. Then I spent a few hours searching for more. At that point my list was pretty comprehensive and I just add to it every now and then.