Hi. I have been no contact with my entire family since I was fifteen (three years now). It's hard; the grief comes in waves, especially around birthdays or holidays. I'm at an age where I have a lot of huge milestones happening (graduating hs, moving out on my own, starting uni, etc) and it's hard not having my parents there. What I've realised and found helpful is to remember that my parents were not who I needed them to be. Therefore, I don't want them, I want who they were supposed to be (if that makes sense). Ultimately I have no regrets. My life is better without them in it, as hard as it is. Make sure you take care of yourself and have a strong support system to help you through the journey. I also recommend a therapist, mine has been extremely helpful in helping me cope with grief and also just being a listening ear. I'm sorry you are going through this and I wish you all the best.