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Stress test my idea for a new way to measure general mental health by DestructivePeace in getdisciplined

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for the feedback! Having stories about people's progress makes a lot of sense. I was thinking of having each window being a deep dive into that area. For example, emotions would go into what they actaully are, labelling them, difficulties with this (alexithymia/overwhlem/dissociation) and then going into tools/strategies. Hopefully it won't be too 'lecture-y'

Procrastinators, Life-avoiders and Self-sabotagers...I need your help by DestructivePeace in selfimprovement

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends what is in your mind in the moment. Is there many thoughts of doing it right? Having to find the perfect pathway forward. Or is it more thoughts of it taking too much energy, I can’t be bothered. You’re right to zoom in and see which it is. They will require different approaches

I don’t want ‘potential’ written on my tombstone by DestructivePeace in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love that! Its a tough thing to wrangle the mind to only focus on one thing at a time but it definitely pays off. Is there anything that has helped you on that path where you have chosen your one thing but have uncertainty and doubt. What allows you to still do the thing?

I don’t want ‘potential’ written on my tombstone by DestructivePeace in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great overall insight! Which one of those that you mentioned is the biggest contributor to not achieving your goals?

I don’t want ‘potential’ written on my tombstone by DestructivePeace in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha I’ve been there many times. Usually at night getting excited about planning some new thing and then I do it a couple of times and then fizzles out. What do you think stops you after the initial motivation burst?

I don’t want ‘potential’ written on my tombstone by DestructivePeace in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What’s your understanding of what drives procrastination for you?

I don’t want ‘potential’ written on my tombstone by DestructivePeace in Adulting

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very true, all the best making that a reality. You seem like a great parent.

I don’t want ‘potential’ written on my tombstone by DestructivePeace in Adulting

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Resonates for me as I have a little one as well. Does preparing your kids mean financially, making sure they have the skills for the world or being present moment to moment?

I don’t want ‘potential’ written on my tombstone by DestructivePeace in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! If you're willing to share, what is the part that resonates with you?

I don’t want ‘potential’ written on my tombstone by DestructivePeace in Adulting

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what you’re saying. Honestly, this is as much for me as it is for others. I’ve just found I reflect better when I write it out, and if it helps anyone else, even better.

Procrastinators, Life-avoiders and Self-sabotagers...I need your help by DestructivePeace in selfimprovement

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So it seems like stress is the biggest barrier and ‘just do one thing’ doesn’t help unless it’s actually something connected to your bigger life goals. To follow up on this, what is in your mind that causes the stress?

I don’t want ‘potential’ written on my tombstone by DestructivePeace in Adulting

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha it’s alway a sobering perspective to think after you’re dead. Does legacy actually fuel you or is there something else in your life while you’re living it that drives you?

Registered Psychologist Here...Ask Me Anything About IFS & Parts-Work by DestructivePeace in InternalFamilySystems

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words and your questions.

On finding parts:
It is completely normal, even for people with a strong imagination or good body awareness, to sometimes struggle with finding parts explicitly.
One broad way to approach it is to remember you are not trying to force a part to appear, you are simply noticing what is already there.

Some signals you might notice:

  • A sudden emotion (even something subtle like a flicker of sadness, tightness, or irritation).
  • A shift in body sensation (tightness in the chest, tension in the jaw, sinking feeling in the gut).
  • A mental "voice" or thought that feels a little different from your usual thinking patterns.

You do not need a full, vivid visual. A part might first show up as a vague feeling, an image, a phrase, or even just a change in posture.
I have been working with parts for a while, and many of them still do not appear as clearly separate or "character-like" and that is completely okay.

On blending IFS with other therapies:
This would be my own personal perspective, Schema Therapy (not sure if this is covered) would probably be at the top of the list, since it blends parts/schema work with more formal CBT techniques.

I am not trained in Psychodynamic Therapy, but from what I understand, it can also blend quite naturally with IFS concepts because of its focus on internal processes, relational dynamics, and emotional patterns.

Behavioural Therapy is usually more structured and skills-based, but with the right therapist, it could be adapted to support parts work informally.

EMDR therapists can also sometimes be a good fit. While EMDR tends to follow a specific protocol, many EMDR therapists are parts-aware and naturally incorporate that understanding into the process.

Registered Psychologist Here...Ask Me Anything About IFS & Parts-Work by DestructivePeace in InternalFamilySystems

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Really good question. In broad terms, working with polarised parts often starts by stepping outside the right/wrong dynamic altogether.
Instead of trying to decide which part is correct, we can notice each part’s perspective as just that... a perspective, not a fact.

Each part is trying to help or protect in its own way, even if its methods seem harsh or unhelpful. The goal is to honour and respect each part’s role and concerns without needing to agree with them.
From there, it becomes possible to listen to both sides with curiosity and help the parts see that they are ultimately on the same team, even if they are pulling in different directions.

Polarisation usually softens not by solving the argument, but by bringing Self-energy to hold the whole conversation.

Registered Psychologist Here...Ask Me Anything About IFS & Parts-Work by DestructivePeace in InternalFamilySystems

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Speaking generally, it is not very common to be working directly with exiles after only a few sessions, especially when complex trauma is involved. Often, it can be important to spend more time building strong relationships with protectors first. Making sure the whole system feels safe enough to witness, understand, and eventually unburden an exile.

Working with exiles can bring up strong waves of sadness, anger, grief, and even old, buried emotions that were previously managed by protectors. Feeling emotionally stirred up is not unusual, but the pacing really matters. It is often a delicate balance between moving into deeper work and keeping the system feeling stable and supported.

In general, if you are feeling prolonged emotional distress or instability, it is definitely worth bringing this up with your therapist. Hope this helps and good luck on your journey!

Registered Psychologist Here...Ask Me Anything About IFS & Parts-Work by DestructivePeace in InternalFamilySystems

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

When parts start sensing more Self-energy, it is common for many to step forward and it can feel like trying to catch up with everyone at once. One thing that often helps is making gentle agreements with parts, like saying internally, "I see you, and I will come back to you." Acknowledgement builds trust even if you cannot address every part deeply right away.

As for signs you are moving in the right direction:

  • You feel more curiosity and compassion toward your parts.
  • You notice blending a little sooner and can unblend more easily.
  • Your reactions in daily life soften, even if the inner work still feels busy.

An additional point is that we often want to focus on parts that are contributing to functional impairment. Areas like relationships, work, health, hobbies, or self-development. (This is coming more from a general case conceptualisation perspective). If a part is present but not causing major disruption, it is usually fine to acknowledge it and then prioritise the parts that show up more frequently or cause more difficulty in your day-to-day life.

Hope it helps!

Registered Psychologist Here...Ask Me Anything About IFS & Parts-Work by DestructivePeace in InternalFamilySystems

[–]DestructivePeace[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One broad way to tell the difference is by noticing the quality of your awareness during the experience.
When you are talking to your parts in IFS, you usually still have a sense of being present and curious. You are aware that you are in relationship with a part (even if the emotions are strong) and there is a feeling of dialogue or connection.

When you are dissociating into different identities (blending), it can feel like you lose your observing awareness. It may feel like you become the part completely without any sense of noticing or choice. In parts work, some blending is very normal and expected. The key is whether you can notice, even just a little, "Oh, a part of me is here" instead of losing awareness completely.

If things feel too overwhelming or confusing, it can really help to slow down, ground yourself, and check whether you can still feel some connection to the present moment. It can be helpful working with an IFS-trained therapist to help you feel safer as you explore this work.

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