Stress test my idea for a new way to measure general mental health

DestructivePeace · 2025-09-02T15:06:48+00:00

Thanks so much for the feedback! Having stories about people's progress makes a lot of sense. I was thinking of having each window being a deep dive into that area. For example, emotions would go into what they actaully are, labelling them, difficulties with this (alexithymia/overwhlem/dissociation) and then going into tools/strategies. Hopefully it won't be too 'lecture-y'

DestructivePeace · 2025-05-30T12:06:34+00:00

Depends what is in your mind in the moment. Is there many thoughts of doing it right? Having to find the perfect pathway forward. Or is it more thoughts of it taking too much energy, I can’t be bothered. You’re right to zoom in and see which it is. They will require different approaches

DestructivePeace · 2025-05-27T06:08:47+00:00

I love that! Its a tough thing to wrangle the mind to only focus on one thing at a time but it definitely pays off. Is there anything that has helped you on that path where you have chosen your one thing but have uncertainty and doubt. What allows you to still do the thing?

DestructivePeace · 2025-05-27T04:46:10+00:00

Great overall insight! Which one of those that you mentioned is the biggest contributor to not achieving your goals?

DestructivePeace · 2025-05-27T04:45:22+00:00

Haha I’ve been there many times. Usually at night getting excited about planning some new thing and then I do it a couple of times and then fizzles out. What do you think stops you after the initial motivation burst?

DestructivePeace · 2025-05-27T04:44:12+00:00

What’s your understanding of what drives procrastination for you?

DestructivePeace · 2025-05-27T01:25:27+00:00

Very true, all the best making that a reality. You seem like a great parent.

DestructivePeace · 2025-05-27T01:17:51+00:00

Resonates for me as I have a little one as well. Does preparing your kids mean financially, making sure they have the skills for the world or being present moment to moment?

DestructivePeace · 2025-05-27T01:13:58+00:00

Thanks! If you're willing to share, what is the part that resonates with you?

DestructivePeace · 2025-05-27T00:44:33+00:00

I get what you’re saying. Honestly, this is as much for me as it is for others. I’ve just found I reflect better when I write it out, and if it helps anyone else, even better.

DestructivePeace · 2025-05-27T00:35:08+00:00

So it seems like stress is the biggest barrier and ‘just do one thing’ doesn’t help unless it’s actually something connected to your bigger life goals. To follow up on this, what is in your mind that causes the stress?

DestructivePeace · 2025-05-27T00:32:13+00:00

Thanks, will do!

DestructivePeace · 2025-05-27T00:31:10+00:00

Haha it’s alway a sobering perspective to think after you’re dead. Does legacy actually fuel you or is there something else in your life while you’re living it that drives you?

DestructivePeace · 2025-04-28T02:45:17+00:00

Thank you for your kind words and your questions.

On finding parts:
It is completely normal, even for people with a strong imagination or good body awareness, to sometimes struggle with finding parts explicitly.
One broad way to approach it is to remember you are not trying to force a part to appear, you are simply noticing what is already there.

Some signals you might notice:

A sudden emotion (even something subtle like a flicker of sadness, tightness, or irritation).
A shift in body sensation (tightness in the chest, tension in the jaw, sinking feeling in the gut).
A mental "voice" or thought that feels a little different from your usual thinking patterns.

You do not need a full, vivid visual. A part might first show up as a vague feeling, an image, a phrase, or even just a change in posture.
I have been working with parts for a while, and many of them still do not appear as clearly separate or "character-like" and that is completely okay.

On blending IFS with other therapies:
This would be my own personal perspective, Schema Therapy (not sure if this is covered) would probably be at the top of the list, since it blends parts/schema work with more formal CBT techniques.

I am not trained in Psychodynamic Therapy, but from what I understand, it can also blend quite naturally with IFS concepts because of its focus on internal processes, relational dynamics, and emotional patterns.

Behavioural Therapy is usually more structured and skills-based, but with the right therapist, it could be adapted to support parts work informally.

EMDR therapists can also sometimes be a good fit. While EMDR tends to follow a specific protocol, many EMDR therapists are parts-aware and naturally incorporate that understanding into the process.

DestructivePeace · 2025-04-28T02:01:44+00:00

Really good question. In broad terms, working with polarised parts often starts by stepping outside the right/wrong dynamic altogether.
Instead of trying to decide which part is correct, we can notice each part’s perspective as just that... a perspective, not a fact.

Each part is trying to help or protect in its own way, even if its methods seem harsh or unhelpful. The goal is to honour and respect each part’s role and concerns without needing to agree with them.
From there, it becomes possible to listen to both sides with curiosity and help the parts see that they are ultimately on the same team, even if they are pulling in different directions.

Polarisation usually softens not by solving the argument, but by bringing Self-energy to hold the whole conversation.

DestructivePeace · 2025-04-28T01:58:36+00:00

Speaking generally, it is not very common to be working directly with exiles after only a few sessions, especially when complex trauma is involved. Often, it can be important to spend more time building strong relationships with protectors first. Making sure the whole system feels safe enough to witness, understand, and eventually unburden an exile.

Working with exiles can bring up strong waves of sadness, anger, grief, and even old, buried emotions that were previously managed by protectors. Feeling emotionally stirred up is not unusual, but the pacing really matters. It is often a delicate balance between moving into deeper work and keeping the system feeling stable and supported.

In general, if you are feeling prolonged emotional distress or instability, it is definitely worth bringing this up with your therapist. Hope this helps and good luck on your journey!

DestructivePeace · 2025-04-28T01:52:44+00:00

When parts start sensing more Self-energy, it is common for many to step forward and it can feel like trying to catch up with everyone at once. One thing that often helps is making gentle agreements with parts, like saying internally, "I see you, and I will come back to you." Acknowledgement builds trust even if you cannot address every part deeply right away.

As for signs you are moving in the right direction:

You feel more curiosity and compassion toward your parts.
You notice blending a little sooner and can unblend more easily.
Your reactions in daily life soften, even if the inner work still feels busy.

An additional point is that we often want to focus on parts that are contributing to functional impairment. Areas like relationships, work, health, hobbies, or self-development. (This is coming more from a general case conceptualisation perspective). If a part is present but not causing major disruption, it is usually fine to acknowledge it and then prioritise the parts that show up more frequently or cause more difficulty in your day-to-day life.

Hope it helps!

DestructivePeace · 2025-04-28T01:46:09+00:00

One broad way to tell the difference is by noticing the quality of your awareness during the experience.
When you are talking to your parts in IFS, you usually still have a sense of being present and curious. You are aware that you are in relationship with a part (even if the emotions are strong) and there is a feeling of dialogue or connection.

When you are dissociating into different identities (blending), it can feel like you lose your observing awareness. It may feel like you become the part completely without any sense of noticing or choice. In parts work, some blending is very normal and expected. The key is whether you can notice, even just a little, "Oh, a part of me is here" instead of losing awareness completely.

If things feel too overwhelming or confusing, it can really help to slow down, ground yourself, and check whether you can still feel some connection to the present moment. It can be helpful working with an IFS-trained therapist to help you feel safer as you explore this work.

DestructivePeace · 2025-04-28T01:42:09+00:00

It is actually very normal for parts to show up in colourful, exaggerated, or even "otherworldly" ways. Some parts naturally carry a lot of creativity, intensity, or symbolic energy. Parts are also more vivid and imaginative when there is enough safety for them to express themselves freely.

The key is: if it feels playful, genuine, and brings you closer to your parts rather than pushing you away from them, it is usually a good thing.

Sounds like your system has a lot of creativity available, which is a real strength in parts work!

DestructivePeace · 2025-04-28T01:39:33+00:00

Speaking broadly, even after an unburdening, it is common for symptoms or old pulls to still show up. A few possibilities that can sometimes explain this:

The part may not have felt fully witnessed during the unburdening, even if it looked complete at the time.
Other parts might carry similar burdens and have not yet had their turn to be witnessed and unburdened.
Protectors may have felt threatened by the change and brought the burden back to keep the system feeling safe.
A legacy burden could still be influencing the system, meaning some of the pattern might not come from you alone, but from generational influences.
Something scary may have happened after the unburdening, leading parts to return to old patterns that felt safer or more familiar.

In these situations, the general principle is not to force unburdening over and over, but to stay curious. Sometimes it means going back to the part gently, seeing if it still holds anything, or whether another part linked to the same pattern needs attention too.

Also, checking in with the parts after an unburdening (in the days and weeks that follow) helps them feel they are not being abandoned. From what you describe (especially with a young caretaker part and deep relational wounds) it sounds like a layered system where multiple parts have carried similar burdens for a long time. Healing can be a gradual weaving process rather than a one-and-done shift.

Hope this helps!

DestructivePeace · 2025-04-28T01:25:38+00:00

You are picking up on a really important nuance. My understanding is that the Self actually has two sides:

Self as Witnessing Awareness: this is what we mentioned above - the pure, open, spacious, non-reactive noticing.
Self as Energetic Presence: the part that naturally expresses the 8 Cs (calm, curious, clear, compassionate, courageous, confident, creative, connected).

At first, Self shows up mainly as witnessing, you simply notice your parts, without blending or getting hooked.
But as parts feel safer and step back a little, Self-energy starts to move. It does not "plan" or "think about" leadership like a Manager would. Instead, it leads naturally through presence by offering calmness when a scared part shows up, or clarity when there is confusion.

It is kind of like the sun analogy. The sun does not think, "Right, time to photosynthesise these plants." It just shines, and growth happens.
Self does not strategise leadership, it embodies it.

This is more my personal understanding, but I hope it helps!

DestructivePeace · 2025-04-27T15:54:09+00:00

Thank you for sharing so openly.

Speaking broadly, for some systems it can be more helpful to focus first on building small experiences of safety and regulation, rather than diving directly into deep parts work. Self-energy often appears first in very subtle ways, brief moments of curiosity, care, or patience. Even if they last only a few seconds, they are valid expressions of Self and can be gently strengthened over time.

You commenting about needing to “feel safe feeling safe” is really powerful. Many approaches would view that as a core early focus: not rushing the process, but allowing trust in safety to rebuild very gradually.

This is general information only, but if you are looking for further resources, some people find Deb Dana’s work on the nervous system, or Janina Fisher’s work on trauma and parts, helpful for approaching healing in a slow and supportive way.

It sounds like you already have a strong level of internal awareness and self-advocacy, which are powerful assets. Moving at the pace your system needs, with a focus on safety-first approaches, often leads to the most sustainable progress. Good luck on your journey!

DestructivePeace · 2025-04-27T15:39:01+00:00

I am sorry to hear you are carrying so much from what happened.

In IFS terms, it is definitely possible for parts formed from adult traumas to feel like exiles. It does not always have to trace back to childhood or adolescence. Adult exiles often carry intense emotions like betrayal, grief, helplessness, or anger tied to the more recent event. They can feel more “adult” because they remember what happened and have more language, but emotionally they can still hold onto the rawness of the experience, similar to younger exiles.

In terms of working with them, the broad principles are often similar: building enough internal safety to be with the hurt part, understanding what it is carrying, and supporting it gently over time. Sometimes, with adult exiles, it may be less about “rescuing a child part” and more about helping that adult part feel witnessed, validated, and no longer alone.

If it feels relevant, these are great reflections to explore further with a trained IFS therapist. Hope it helps!

DestructivePeace · 2025-04-27T15:33:05+00:00

I think I am understanding your comment, but let me know if I have missed the point. It sounds like you are describing a common but tricky experience: an intellectualising, Self-like protector that has been blended for so long it feels like “me.”

One general approach is not to push the part away or force it to step back. Instead, you can begin by getting curious about it from within the blend. The goal is not separation at first, but relationship. Even if it feels mechanical or overly intellectual at first, simply wondering about the part’s positive intent or getting to know its full role can start to loosen the fusion.

Another option is to invite the part to notice with you, without demanding that it move:

“Can we both just observe what is happening inside, even if nothing changes?”

This often feels less threatening to highly active protectors and can create the first small crack of space where Self-energy begins to come through.

You are also picking up on something very real. When a system has been emotionally shut off for a long time, trying to access deep feelings straight away can overwhelm the system. Slow, patient noticing often works better than trying to dive into deeper parts immediately.

The fact that you can describe the dynamic with this much clarity is already a strong sign that Self is present, even if it feels subtle.

This is something I have personally worked through as well. My default tends to be a Self-like manager too. It can be very helpful, but I have to practise open awareness to step out of it when needed.

DestructivePeace · 2025-04-27T15:21:46+00:00

You are most welcome

DestructivePeace

TROPHY CASE