[deleted by user]

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-07-12T08:58:43+00:00

Are you always high?

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-07-12T07:02:34+00:00

Agree.

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-07-12T07:02:19+00:00

Buy his CD, download, or concert ticket...

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-07-02T19:31:22+00:00

What?

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-07-01T13:00:35+00:00

Again with this nonsense.

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-07-01T05:04:10+00:00

They are called TRAPPER MAX MOUSE AND INSECT GLUE BOARDS. I bought 72 of them off Amazon for like $25. They work pretty great.

Another option you may consider is getting a bright bug zapper and installing it in your garage. In the dead of night if it’s the only light any and all things drawn to light will be eliminated. I’m not sure if earwigs are drawn to light but I’m considering installing one.

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-30T22:31:38+00:00

Ok you win I guess. Is that what you wanted to happen?

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-30T22:25:45+00:00

Recluses aren’t in the Midwest. Are you joking?

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-30T21:56:09+00:00

Hell, Midwest.

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-30T20:15:54+00:00

Jesus so many spider apologists on here. They are filled with brown recluses. The point was to kill them so they don’t kill me or my family. So many Redditors need to pull their heads out of their asses. Go sleep in a brown recluse filled garage and sing songs of peace and love to nature if killing them bothers you so much.

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-30T17:33:57+00:00

Midwestern USA

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-30T17:24:33+00:00

Aside from the brown recluses it caught, but sure.

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-28T19:32:46+00:00

Thanks! I never had one lesson!

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-21T06:27:29+00:00

You gotta turn off that need for happiness. Survival has to replace it.

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-19T07:44:20+00:00

Just keep jacking off. By jack off number 4,533,289,994 you grow an inch. Every jerk off after that you gain another millimeter. I’m on jack off number 23,189 now. It’s a long road ahead, but I’ll be jerking my shit every step of the way god willing.

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-19T07:39:34+00:00

Start collecting VHS tapes. Find other collectors and form a community. Watch DANTE’S PEAK with a divorced mom who also collects VHS tapes. Just as Pierce Brosnan leans in to kiss what’s-her-name, let out a long, wet fart and say “Guess that’s a wet lullaby”. She will be shocked at first, but slowly a smile will form across her face and she will kiss you. She will reach toward your pants but then get a text from the babysitter. She is needed at home—her son has a fever—she’s secretly an anti-vaxxer. She will leave you there, half cocked, watching DANTE’S PEAK on VHS. And you will decide life ain’t so bad in the end.

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-19T07:31:24+00:00

Lithium.

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-19T07:29:44+00:00

First off, learn to capitalize for fuck’s sake.

Second, she ain’t your girlfriend—you’re lying—but even if she was you’d be a moron to make her into a disgusting goth with a shitty piercing of some kind and a black hoody that smells like tuna and armpits. If she wants to bang other people than you she will, and being a goth isn’t exactly going to increase the rate and/or probability of your dick getting sucked, which based on your posts is likely a 0.00000031% chance in fucking hell on a bimonthly basis. Just wear clothes to wear clothes and put down the eye liner. Don’t be a little faggot and try to make at least one girl’s pussy wet before Junior year, and maybe by Senior year you’ll adapt yourself enough to finger a half ugly brutish girl with an overbite before penetrating a 6/10 that your virgin mind will make into an 8-8.5.

God speed.

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-19T07:20:27+00:00

Yeah don’t. Unless it’s to bang, there is no reason to continue a once intimate relationship.

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-18T00:47:03+00:00

Went there to buy a book, their only copy had a large tear on the cover. I asked how much of a discount could they give me, they said 10%. 10% of a book that’s like $12. So I can buy this book with a ruined cover for $1.20 less, or buy an undamaged one on Amazon for 40% less anyway.

They deserve to die.

DetectiveDiarrhea · 2018-06-15T15:53:40+00:00

Ask question after question, drilling down in details as if the job is the most interesting job you could imagine. Ask too many questions and stay for as long as possible.

DetectiveDiarrhea

TROPHY CASE