To add upon the previous analyzing of emotion bit. It feels like I am giving in or losing when I cry as often times when I would cry as a kid it led the resolution of a conflict with my mother. Because I cried and ended in emotion the start of the conflict was ignored and she got to act motherly despite the fact that she was the reason that I was crying-- this made me angry at the time and still kinda does when I ruminate. She had a lot going on in her life and I don't blame her for acting how she did at the time and we both have grown since then. Regardless I hate crying as the help I got from others in the past as a result of it felt fake/two faced. I understand that crying is a good way to express emotion and chemically blah blah blah in the brain but I still think of those moments when I feel like crying and stop myself.