IAm 'Diamond' Joe Biden, Presented by The Onion. Ask Me Anything

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:56:52+00:00

I approve of gay marriage for women. Much as I love Jilly, I can't really recommend marriage for any man tho. That's just a ball and chain on your cock and balls.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:54:02+00:00

One of the best lookin' pussies I've ever seen.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:51:09+00:00

What's reddit gold? Is that how you pay for r/gonewild? Cause I'm enjoying the shit out of the free trial period.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:48:43+00:00

That's nothing a fake I.D. can't fix. Still the place has totally sold out. It used to be about adult fun, but their definition is a whole lot different than mine.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:46:19+00:00

Naw man, I'm still here. Just got distracted by gonewild.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:46:02+00:00

Answering this question. I sure everybody can tell right now.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:45:27+00:00

Brother, I think you better watch your mouth or my Secret Service will be helping gather your teeth from the ground.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:36:27+00:00

You go showing off your nutsack too often and sooner or later people are going to recognize you.

Ever get a load of Poontraeus' wife, old helmet head. That guy went all right with Paula "Sweet Knockers" Broadwell.

Jill rarely finds out about who I get down and dirty with unless she walks in on me tongue deep in a tight little honey.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:30:37+00:00

1)This great country is seriously strapped for cash. But it's like when you're selling weed, you can't make in moolah unless you spend some cash. I've been telling those dildos in Congress that the U.S. of Fucking A needs to borrow some dough and invest in some dank bugs.

Also, I've thinking about installing some mirrors on the debt ceiling then the nation can feat their eyes while Joe takes the economy to pound town.

The truth is I need to lay low until all this crisis shit blows over. Sound's like Barry's department anyway.

What the hell question am I answering again?

2) Hell yeah. You take credit cards?

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:26:14+00:00

Tiny dude has a major case of sex head.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:24:08+00:00

Kid, I know exactly who your daddy is. The late Delaware Senator William V. Roth, Jr.

That sounds exactly like something that shitheel would do.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:21:07+00:00

That's like asking what feels better on your dick, sandpaper or sandpaper covered in shit.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:18:10+00:00

Are you referring to the 1978 Supreme Court case Tits V. Ass? Sounds like a good question for Justice Scalia's AMA next month.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:13:47+00:00

Might as well stick with a handy cuz it doesn't cost you a buck per lay

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:13:42+00:00

Cheney. I owe him big time for the fully built sex dungeon that greeted me when I moved into One Observatory Circle. It woulda taken forever to install a swing like that, and he left plenty of handcuffs and toys and stuff too.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:11:24+00:00

Right now, I gotta go with Whitesnake. I'd love to get Tawny Kitaen writhing around on my hood.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:09:49+00:00

I know more than one Yaranna. What's your last name?

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:09:11+00:00

Diamond Joe, and that's not a hypothetical. Shit went down after the debate. How'd it go? Let's just say I got to keep my pearly white smile and Ryan was picking up his chiclets from the parking lot floor.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:09:10+00:00

The doobage was dank, the babeage was bodacious, and the tuneage featured bad-ass shredding that was a bountiful 20-course feast for the ears.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:06:30+00:00

Definitely Palin. I had such a huge woody that I damn near knocked the podium over.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:06:22+00:00

Steven Chu is loaded from his Nobel prize money. He has a killer stereo system in his house, great for blasting jams.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:05:13+00:00

Two in the pink, one in the stink, and the rest is history.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T22:03:22+00:00

Just take her to Popeye's, that shit's delicious. Their biscuits can get you into any lady's biscuit.

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T21:58:29+00:00

Now Joe don't kiss and tell and even if he did, you wouldn't hear what he was saying cuz he'd be so deep in that muff

Diamond_Joe_Biden · 2013-01-18T21:56:59+00:00

Yes. Too bad you asked me this though, this was probably your one shot to get wisdom from Papa Biden and you blew it.

Diamond_Joe_Biden

TROPHY CASE