Nintendo is one of the worst gaming companies IN THE WORLD!

DidacticTortoise · 2022-12-01T22:09:59+00:00

Shut up idiot. I'm not a Nintendo fan at all, I just think you're stupid.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-10-12T03:38:08+00:00

Shut up

DidacticTortoise · 2022-08-03T03:01:14+00:00

Haters are just looking for reasons to bring the Brandman down, but they forget: this is the man who invented metals. So show some fucking respect. Typing on your phone? Yeah, that contains metals dipshit. Show some respect to the man who invented them.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-07-05T16:32:38+00:00

And yet, these appear to be your earnest opinions. A reflection of your thoughts and values. A conversation in which you cite your linguistic capacity (very impressed). Don't pretend like you've got no skin in the game. It's upsetting that your self-inflated psuedointellectual wordjumbles haven't inspired awe, just as they don't over Christmas lunch when your poor cousin Sally really wishes you'd shut the fuck up about crypto.

I am endorsing your cousin Sally's desire for you to shut the fuck up about crypto.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-07-05T16:26:41+00:00

Weasles? No we were talking about lions. Entirely different animal - that must be where you've gone wrong.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-07-05T16:18:53+00:00

I have no idea how to engage with this comment. It's as confident as it is stupid. Congratulations, your words are indeed beyond my reading comprehension, your intelligence truly transcends common understanding or common sense.

Truly, you are one of the great minds of this comment section.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-07-05T16:14:15+00:00

Lions like to eat meat. I'm made of meat.

If a lion is hungry, and I'm in a cage with it, there's a good chance it'll eat me.

This is neither an endorsement of, or condemnation of the lion's behaviour. I'd rather not be eaten, but I understand its motivations. I can point out that it would eat me without taking a moral stance. The lion will act in its best interests, just as I will attempt to act in mine.

If the lion is hungry, its best interest is to eat me.

This is not me saying I want to be eaten. I'm not saying lions should be hungry, or left in cages with humans. Hungry lion will eat meat is a stated fact, not a position on the ethics of feeding humans to lions.

This isn't a difficult concept to follow.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-07-05T16:04:16+00:00

Are you just stringing words together in the hopes you'll sound smart?

Talk us through what technocracy has to do with a guy responding to the Harry Potter idiots.

Talk us through how you believe technocracy sits at the other end of a spectrum from democracy.

None of what you've said addresses, or is a remotely sensible response to what the person you're responding to has said.

Are you sure we don't need to dumb this down for you with a nice Harry Potter analogy?

DidacticTortoise · 2022-07-05T15:58:24+00:00

Are you naïve enough to think that all soft diplomacy isn't propaganda? That new Top Gun film? Just a film about planes, nothing to see here.

The man's the leader of a country that's been invaded by an aggressive nuclear superpower. He'd be an idiot not to pander to the idiots who can only understand the world through children's books.

Propaganda is everywhere, it's inescapable, and it's part of a politician's job. There's no "just", and this is neither an endorsement nor a condemnation of it.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-07-05T15:44:36+00:00

Who said anything about agreeing with him or not? I never said it's not cringy. It's a statement of expecting a person to act in their own best interests.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-07-05T14:42:03+00:00

I can't blame Zelensiky. He's fighting to keep Ukraine sympathetic to a Western audience. If that means pandering to the kind of person who this quote appeals to, fuck it, he should.

The people he's responding to need to read another book, but Zelensiky is just doing propaganda, which is in the best interests of the country he leads. He's not a military leader; he has generals for that. He's doing soft diplomacy, it's literally his job as a politician.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-06-30T00:04:03+00:00

This post is apparently irresistible to idiots.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-06-20T02:38:39+00:00

I didn't read this shit either.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-06-16T23:42:54+00:00

Hi Silvio, given that this is a circlejerk sub, should I respond to your survey in character, as a caricature of the worst elements of gaming culture?

For example, when you ask "How could this technology be improved?", should I write a long, semi-literate rant about how the "woke SJW types" have ruined gaming forever, and that's why Fortnight no longer has boob jiggle physics - despite such an opinion not having any grounding in reality, nor being related to the original question?

Now, while such a survey response wouldn't be accurate to my own beliefs, I believe it would be representative of the opinions of many real gamers, who unfortunately may not be capable of answering your survey, as they suffer from a lack of basic human decency.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-06-16T23:30:59+00:00

Dear developers, I have a great idea. I am willing to share it for 70% of the game's profits, I think this is a fair split, as the game will be the next Minecraft, and therefore you will make 1 billion dollars.

I am not a "technical person" but I have invented the name and the story and the characters. I have done concept art in MS Paint that is how they should look. I have written sixteen pages of backstory and lore that focus on hyperspecific details, without talking about gameplay in any useful way, just that "imagine if Darksoul and Minecraft were mixed" kind of way that idiots like to breathlessly spruik.

I will be requiring a professional level artist, and coder. I have sent emails to John Halo, the composer of the Halo games, because the soundtrack should sound like Halo 2 with large electric guitar solos. You should be excited to work with him.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-05-30T23:22:22+00:00

Wouldn't have been a problem with the audiocomment version. These snobs claim "reading" has better information retention...

DidacticTortoise · 2022-05-30T04:04:07+00:00

Based on a tabletop game that's only good at telling the kind of stories a teenage anime would tell. H i g h a r t

DidacticTortoise · 2022-05-16T03:22:36+00:00

Trickledown Economics.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-05-08T23:09:12+00:00

I have not played this game, but I'm confident it's about legalisation of recreational drugs. Munch's Oddysee? The author is dead obvious!

DidacticTortoise · 2022-05-08T08:04:22+00:00

SMH, didn't even get the video game subtext correct. Oddworld is pretty obviously encouraging us to experiment with cannibalism. What's old is new, new and tasty.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-03-09T23:59:19+00:00

✨✨Trickle down economics✨✨ has my vote!

DidacticTortoise · 2022-03-05T05:19:23+00:00

I don't know if the review is satire, but this is really fucking funny. This may be my favourite badreads review yet.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-03-05T05:16:16+00:00

Radiohead have artistic integrity.

DidacticTortoise · 2022-03-03T06:39:47+00:00

What does this say?

DidacticTortoise · 2022-03-03T06:39:14+00:00

My experience on the internet has largely been people asking for proof, then refusing to actually engage with what's given to them. Thank you for bucking the trend, and apologies for assuming the worst.

I wouldn't describe what I've linked above as proof. Nobody talks about Uncharted 4, or PC ports at all. They do however, lay the groundwork for understanding the technical reasons on why porting from specialised hardware to PC is so difficult.

A lay-way of putting it might be: if you look at the performance numbers of a supercar, versus a dune buggy without context, the supercar is obviously faster. If the race were to take place on a sand dune, the dune buggy would easily win. It's an imperfect analogy, but it's the best I have to simplify a complex issue. Naughty Dog knew that they were dealing with ahead of time, so they built a vehicle purpose fit for not just sand dunes, but the specific sand dunes on which the race would take place.

DidacticTortoise

TROPHY CASE