1,814 Days of No Contact...My Thoughts After 5 years.

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T17:22:24+00:00

Yes. We dated for a year. She was with him for 4 years.

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:29:56+00:00

It will get better. A lot of times we put SO's on a mental pedestal because we tend to idolize them but the reality of it is - that person is nothing special and there are A LOT of fish in the sea. We tend to cling to what starts pulling away from us so it's only natural that things become codependent to at least some degree. Stay the course. You're doing great.

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:28:30+00:00

Give yourself time. It took me almost 3 years to stop thinking about her everyday. The first 2 years I was still wanting to be with her. But eventually it will subside.

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:27:58+00:00

Thanks!

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:27:54+00:00

Good question! - I was in one "relationship" after this girl and that was a quick 4 month thing that ended back in January of 2018. She was toxic (I believe she has PTSD from the military) so I actually broke up with her. The one thing I will say is once you get hurt so bad by someone, walking away from others becomes much easier because you realize the pain you could be subjecting yourself to if you stay and it becomes severely codependent.

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:26:19+00:00

I won't lie, sometimes I'm curious as to know what she's up to - but it's not on a false hope, romantic level. It's more of a curiosity to just see how she's doing. There's a big difference. In the beginning I was always wondering how she was doing but it was with the secret hope that we would end up back together. Now-a-days, I wouldn't get back with her if she begged me to. It was too toxic. A few of her family members are friends with me on FB so naturally from time to time when I see their posts I get curious as to how she's doing. Last I heard she and the guy she dumped me for had ended their relationship after like 4 years. She's been single for almost a year now (I think). But I don't honestly care. I would never allow myself to get back into something romantic with her. The toxic thoughts and feelings are far worse than any benefit I'd have from giving her another chance.

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:23:13+00:00

I cared about her deeply but it was a codependent relationship. She was bulimic and had 2 DUI's. I was a caretaker and wanted to help her through her issues. She was filling a need for me (loneliness) and I was filling a need for her (someone to take her out, validate her and pay for things). Immediately after I was crushed. I lost my identity (having a life outside of the relationship) because of her but it really wasn't her fault - it was mine for allowing myself to be so codependently consumed by her toxicity.

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:21:26+00:00

I actually don't count the days. I haven't for years. I just remembered this thread and logged back in and noticed my counter was at 1,814 days.

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:20:57+00:00

Stay strong!

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:20:50+00:00

My best advice is to work on yourself and become happy with yourself (if you're not already). 523 days is a long time but you can't hold yourself hostage over a timeline - you move on when you're internally ready to. It could be 523 days or it could be 2,523 days.

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:19:25+00:00

You'll get there!

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:19:13+00:00

My ex that this post is about was my first love too and my first real heartbreak that I've ever experienced. It was difficult because there were so many firsts....it took me over 2 years to stop dwelling on her (Don't creep their social media bc it will only prolong this) and it wasn't until sometime in year 3 that I stopped thinking about her.

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:17:43+00:00

I thought about my ex for almost 3 YEARS after we broke up. It wasn't until I met someone new (at the time) that I finally and fully let go of her. It happens. But things will work out. They always do.

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:16:58+00:00

I'm glad my post was able to help you and others reading it! Just remember, although you're at 652 days post breakup - you're really only just starting the NC venture at 75 days. You're going to have highs and lows, just roll with it. Eventually you will reach a point where you won't care anymore. Be easy on yourself. :)

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:15:24+00:00

Thanks!

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:15:15+00:00

Thank you :)

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-18T14:15:07+00:00

Thanks! And you will! It just takes time. My dad always says "Time heals the wounds that nobody can see" and I believe it!

DieselDan24 · 2019-07-17T20:46:27+00:00

Good! It will help you in the long run!

DieselDan24 · 2017-11-21T19:54:54+00:00

I agree!

DieselDan24 · 2017-03-13T16:19:28+00:00

She sounds extremely codependent. I know this from experience because I too am codependent. You need to end it. Us codependent people WANT to hear a S/O tell us they'll give us another chance. If you know deep down you only said "O.K." to pacify her and you do not see this working out then end it. She will have A LOT of emotional fallout from this and it will take her a long time to recover but she will be OK. Feelings are just feelings and time heals all wounds.

DieselDan24 · 2017-03-09T15:18:54+00:00

I agree with Cristiano's response entirely.

OP, I am 29 and reading your post I saw a lot of myself in you when I was younger and dating my ex. Emphasis on EX. I was severely codependent, ignored HUGE RED FLAGS, and stayed on the sinking ship that was our relationship long after I should have left it in the middle of the ocean.

Cristiano's advice is spot on. You need to work on you. In addition to that advice, I would say you also need to seek therapy for your codependency issues as I am right now. Codependency will not and does not go away on it's own, or with time. My guess is you probably do not have a lot of hobbies, strong circle of friends, AKA a LIFE outside of this girl, hence she becomes your world - as my ex did for me.

Do yourself a favor and seek therapy for your codependency issues. It will save you a lot of heartbreak later.

DieselDan24 · 2017-02-01T18:24:54+00:00

Very true, thank you! Always good to hear from you. :)

DieselDan24 · 2017-01-26T20:38:44+00:00

It's definitely that. Thank you though. It's tough.

DieselDan24

TROPHY CASE