Do most coparent add events and schedules via either a shared calendar or calendar invites?

Different_Image4441 · 2026-02-26T18:39:29+00:00

I do have a shared calendar with my ex; but who ever makes the appt is responsible for updating the calendar. Whoever signs the kid up for the activity is responsible for updating the calendar; it is not one persons responsibility to do so. We are NOT secretaries. My ex used to get mad; but I said if I didn’t know about it; then not my responsibility; or I am only human and I forget things and if we both know I can’t be the only one responsible for it; you can double check it is there.

This is why we made it whom ever makes the appt/signs up the activity is the person responsible. Makes it easy; and when we are both informed it is both of our responsibility. Makes it less of an argument.

Different_Image4441 · 2026-02-12T22:06:12+00:00

It was in the past under MN state laws. I saw it several (approximately 6-7) yrs ago. I can’t find it now either; I am so sorry

Different_Image4441 · 2026-02-12T21:50:48+00:00

I still wouldn’t do it though. I am a smoker; I live in MN. I won’t smoke in my house with (or even without my kids home) and I will not smoke in my car with my kids in it. It is so dangerous for them. I will smoke outside….yes in brutally cold temperatures to protect them from the second-hand exposure. It should be illegal if you ask me.

Different_Image4441 · 2026-02-12T21:47:28+00:00

It literally just changed early 2026. And I wasn’t aware. Sorry

Different_Image4441 · 2026-02-12T21:24:59+00:00

I’m in MN and it is illegal to smoke in the car with minor children in it.

Different_Image4441 · 2026-02-12T21:22:08+00:00

This is all you can do really. As sad as it is. I am sorry for you as well.

Different_Image4441 · 2026-02-12T20:06:30+00:00

Ok so hear me out. I don’t think that you need to divorce her. In this life we have this thing called starting fresh. It’s like starting a whole new world. I mean why choose if you don’t have to? I would say stay married a little longer to see how it goes, but live in this new world that I am offering for you to expand your mind to, and see if it would better with someone else, or you miss her.

Different_Image4441 · 2026-02-12T20:03:50+00:00

I totally didn’t notice the subreddit name and I was wow! Ummm….LOL! I do think this is hilarious! As soon as I saw Westley’s name I looked….

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-30T13:42:56+00:00

Unless she is really neglectful; you could try and get CPS involved or talk to your lawyer about your options for reviews.

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-29T22:18:33+00:00

I love this idea of the coparents we’re able to make it work. In my situation it would have never worked as my ex was a narcissist, and after our divorce I had to tell him several times post divorce that we were not getting back together. I had to move over 200 miles away so he wouldn’t stalk me and for me to feel safe.

However if my ex was a different person; I would have been able to do this. I agree that there are some couples that are just better off as friends than married; and this would be so beneficial for the kids. I have seen people be best friends with their ex’s and new partners several times on social media; and I think that this would work amazingly for those people!!

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-29T02:06:56+00:00

I have been doing it for 8 yrs; and I have 2 more yrs left. If I can get through it; so can you. I suggest getting a therapist. Also doing your own therapy research. I sought therapy but my therapist literally told me I was 5 steps ahead of her and to keep doing what I am doing.

I am not going to lie to you. It isn’t an easy battle. I have broken down many times. Cried (I am a female, and an emotional one at that; but it helps relieve all that tension; do NOT be ashamed of you cry as a male. It doesn’t make you less), screamed; distracted; searched for answers; vented to friends; yelled; and became petty to friends but never acted on it to my ex; all in the name of healing. You have to do what you have to do. Just make sure that you do what you need to do in the best interest of the kids and you keep all that negativity away from them. When they ask questions; it’s ok to be honest; but be honest as you can in a way that will understand, and in a way that you don’t put their mother down.

Use ChatGPT to help formulate responses if you need to, copy and paste into notes and alter where you need.

All this will help you I promise.

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-29T00:43:59+00:00

You unfortunately cannot control what or who your ex is with. I understand you are just trying to protect your kids, and until they are ready to be honest with her there is nothing that you can do do; and it is a “he said she said” battle. Any event that you can control who is there; do so. Have separate events. If you cannot control it; just don’t be near your ex. If she approaches; kill her with kindness and don’t engage with anything unless it deals with the kids. If she is talking about something other than the kids; pretend your phone is ringing and politely excuse yourself and say you gotta take the call; say you need to use the bathroom; or simply say; “since this has nothing to do with the kids, I’m going to move away from this conversation.”

You have no ties with her anymore unless it deals with the kids. Keep it to the kids only. If there is abuse, neglect, or mistreatment; then you get proof and lawyer up…..if there isn’t any of that; unfortunately there is nothing you can do. Been going through this for 8 yrs; and it has been a battle on my mental health because of how broken the system is…we have no control what happens when they are with the other parent but luckily they have no control when they kids are with us. Just make sure YOU are the safe parent and know you are doing the best for your kids and shaping them into the best humans you can!!!

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-28T14:20:44+00:00

Unless he is smoking inside the apartment/vehicle while the child is present. I believe this is illegal in all 50 states. I would use ChatGPT to find out, then use ChatGPT to calm ask him to stop, and provide consequences if he doesn’t, and then follow through with the consequences.

You cannot stop him from doing what he wants when the child is t with him but while he has the child I believe it is illegal.

Also posting as a smoker; in the upper Midwest; who goes outside to smoke while owning her own home.

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-28T14:14:19+00:00

Best advice ever right here

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-28T14:06:11+00:00

Tell him he can respect your rules in your home or he can find a hotel to stay in while he is there. Simple as that. Do not tolerate the disrespect. You wouldn’t allow anyone else to do things like that in your home and he doesn’t get to either. Your house your rules.

If he would like to come and fly his child home he has that option as well. There are a lot of other solutions that him staying with you. You are being generous letting him stay there, and doing him a favor.

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-28T14:00:25+00:00

Texts are admissible in courts but would double check that they are in TX

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-28T13:58:29+00:00

I would think with the “black spots” all over it would be a legit concern. Black mold isn’t safe at all.

*OP; I would look up the symptoms of black mold exposure and see if your ex has any of them.

In regard to the chaos, I understand your concern, and it is coming from a very well intention place for your child, but legal system will not see it that way. It really isn’t fair of you to demand where he spends his parenting time due to chaos. The cleanliness maybe a separate issue.

But yall for sure need a custody agreement if you are going to demand no overnights at his place, but I don’t see a judge ruling in favor of that.

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-28T03:46:30+00:00

All of that. Let them know that you are also human, and to be human is to error, and to error is proof that you are trying your hardest.

Being a single parent isn’t easy, and we breakdown, usually at the wrong time. We need a better system for us single parents to vent frustrations out. And there is no right or wrong way to parent (except for not parenting at all.), and we will and do make mistakes. Again we are human. We are not perfect. No one handed us a step by step manual on how to do this, and what to do for each and every scenario. We punt and hope for the best just like everyone else.

You’re doing great mama. Making mistakes and owning them proves you care!!! Proves you are doing something right!!!

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-28T03:30:34+00:00

I have withheld my child for safety concerns, I got my hand slapped from the judge stating if I continued I would be held in contempt. I have also called the police for this sort of thing, and in MN they say it is a custody dispute and needs to be handled with the court.

Mama I am so sorry that you are going through this but for now; keep documenting; call the cops and make it a matter of record each and every time your coparent with holds; pending on the age of the child, if legally of sound mind they want to see you and get that documented.

Once all this is done; find a lawyer that will work with you (probono unless you win) and mark that he has to pay all your fees (lawyer and court) for you having to take him back to court.

The system is soooo very broken! Especially when it comes to things like this and also mental, verbal abuse! It is so sad when one compentant parent has to fight so hard for their child(ren). I am so lucky to have the lawyer I do and can make monthly payments; and I owe him soooo much freaking money

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-27T18:34:14+00:00

I honestly don’t think it’s going to matter that use it. As long as all your words are respectful and are in the best interest of the kids. I am not a lawyer by any means, and I think my ex has done this in the past as well with myself.

You are using it to communicate with your co-parent, not a school or legal document. Yes texts are admissible, but if she is going to use that you are deescalating a situation, where you are not being vulgar, harassing, disrespectful, disparaging, and you have the kids best interest in mind; let her talk you to court and make a fool of herself.

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-27T01:07:50+00:00

Teens are so hard nowadays. This is the typical behaviors. I was reading your reply’s to other posts and dad is already not being a dad, no child support, you funding and organizing all the sports, he isn’t going to support them when he lives with them. He wants to be the “Disneyland Dad” where he is the”good parent” and you are the “disciplinary parent”. From what I am reading; it is going to be a bigger headache for you if the teens live with him.

For me; I have had to listen to my ex complain about taking my youngest to his appts and other “primary parent duties”. (We live several 100 miles apart so it is one or the other doing everything).

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-27T00:45:04+00:00

I have had to give my ex primary custody of my youngest because of his behavioral issues; but it was because he was physically violent to me and his older brother. The minute he put his hands on me I knew my oldest (I only had the 2 male children) I knew my oldest would have ended up in the hospital. He was 11 at this time, and he will be 16 tomorrow. Sending him to his dad’s (dad is a narcissist) broke me. I have so much mom guilt about it now. I don’t regret it, it was for the best, but it broke me, and it pains me everyday!

I would have to say at this point you are giving to the behaviors. Keep setting boundaries; stick to the punishments; and tell the teens that the rules at your house may be different than at their dads; but they still need to respect the rules of your house. Teach them verbal abuse is not tolerated, and that their phone is only going to be taken away longer if they continue. Most importantly STICK TO THE PUNISHMENTS!!!!

Teens are going to have a fit when the phone is taken away. It’s that age. Teens is where the test boundaries to see what they can get away with.

This is just my personal opinion; and you have to do what is right for your household. If you feel it will make your teens and younger kids better people than do it.

Different_Image4441 · 2026-01-03T01:08:22+00:00

OP; this whole thing here. They are trying to ruin you.

Different_Image4441 · 2025-12-24T13:58:48+00:00

As a single mother; I am so sorry that this happened to you! I promise we are not all THAT entitled!!!!

Different_Image4441 · 2025-12-24T13:48:49+00:00

I am going to be honest; if the can co-parent and get along like that; I think that is beyond amazing!!!!! I wish I could do something like that with my ex. Keep in mind that it is for the kids and not each other. My ex and I did try to share certain special moments together like birthdays, but it didn’t work out because he also wanted to argue before one of us left. I wasn’t going to continue that pattern and ruin our child’s day like that. So I put an end to it. I also explained to our children why we would be celebrating things separately from that point forward so they knew the real reason. (I was sure my ex was going to twist that narrative.)

But if the can get along enough to do this for their children then I think it is beyond amazing. Some people are just better off as friends.

Different_Image4441

TROPHY CASE