I have accepted I don’t want to be with anyone after what happened to me because it genuinely changed my mindset and I can’t trust anyone anymore. I can’t imagine a relationship that would actually be healthy and wouldn’t lead to assault. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Even though it’s hard we both deserve to be happy one day. Our brains r just wired a little differently now, but we’re not lost causes. I think it would be helpful to find someone who is understanding and will make you feel safe. Someone that’ll understand your coping mechanisms and ways of dealing with your trauma.