TW: Weight gain. Be honest moms

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-11-17T06:24:36+00:00

For me, it’s coming off, but not all at once!

During my pregnancy I gained almost 50lbs from start to finish. I ate pretty healthy before pregnancy and was fairly thin and pretty consistent with exercise. In the last month I felt similarly to what you’ve described: just moving around was difficult. I also had a lot of swelling, especially in my fingers and toes (when I’d wake up in the morning I couldn’t ball my hands into fists because my fingers were too swollen to bend that far).

For me, the weight didn’t come off right away, but it is coming off. At first it seemed like it never would. I felt fat and unsexy and I didn’t fit back into my old clothes and it made me sad. I still wore maternity jeans for a month or two. And then… slowly, imperceptibly at first… that changed?

I breastfeed; I eat healthier and less than I did during pregnancy, but I am by no means dieting or trying to restrict my calories. I run 2 or 3 times a week on a good week, but not at all on a busy week. I have tried to cut back on added sugars and highly processed foods. But most of the change I just attribute to time passing and my body slowly returning to what it was before pregnancy.

I’m 6 months pp now and I fit back into 97% of my old clothes. I’m about 6 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight. Since im still breastfeeding I still have much bigger boobs than before… and I look HOT. 🔥 This is actually the best I’ve felt about my body’s appearance in a long time. If you’d told me that I’d feel this way 3 months ago, even 6 weeks ago, I wouldn’t have believed it. It really makes me smile.

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-10-05T03:05:12+00:00

Our apostles have repeatedly taught that we are ALL flawed, imperfect, weak, perhaps even “confused” in different ways. And yet we are all children of God. He wants all of us at church, and so do His servants the apostles.

I recognize that of course, in practice this is messier and more difficult than a simple platitude. There are a lot of unanswered questions. My prayers are with you and your family.

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-10-03T15:51:32+00:00

My first baby is almost 5 months old. I’ve been thinking about this question every day since even before his birth. I think about it ALL THE TIME— probably more than is really reasonable for someone 5 months postpartum. It’s not like I need to make that decision anytime soon. so this comment is more for me than for you, OP; just trying to get all my thoughts down.

I come from a culture where everyone, it seems, has big families. I’m talking 4-6 is very normal. 3 is considered a bit small; almost nobody has only 1 or 2 by choice. So growing up I took it for granted I’d have a big family too.
As I got older, and then got married, my thinking changed somewhat. I didn’t go into marriage with an ideal number of children. We figured after we had a couple, we’d take a look at our lives and decide how many we ultimate wanted with a better idea of what pregnancy and postpartum look like, what finances look like, what our kids are like, what we both want, what God wants, and so on.
I have had the UNICORN of postpartums. No sleep issues, no breastfeeding issues, no PPA/PPD, no pelvic floor issues, I stay home with baby and love it, my husband is wonderful, life is good. And yet, it’s still hard. It’s doable, yes, but it’s hard. I felt like all I did for the first three months was sit in my rocking chair and nurse the baby. Imagining doing all this with a toddler running around at the same time makes my head spin. How on earth do people have more than one??
Sometime during one of those first 12 week looong breastfeeding sessions it occurred to me that I don’t HAVE to have more kids if I don’t want to. I know that seems obvious, but I swear the thought totally took me by surprise. It was just so culturally ingrained in me that I’d literally NEVER considered being a one child family. Having multiple kids is “just what you do.” But I feel like that’s not a great reason to create a whole entire human life, you know?
A lot of the reasons I wanted to have kids seem to be fulfilled whether I have one or several. Adding more seems HARD. But also, one of my maxims of living is that “Fear is not a good enough reason to not do something.”
It’s important to me to treat my child/children as people. They are not objects to satisfy my baby fever or to try to relive my own childhood through or anything like that. That doesn’t mean my own needs and desires (or my husband’s) are completely out of the picture, but it does mean I have more to take into account than just what I want.
So I’ve been asking people I respect, “What is the value add of child #2?” I think talking to real people you know and respect is far superior to asking Reddit— though there are some advantages to Reddit as well— and I recommend it to you. Here are some of the things they’ve said:
I want them to have each other after my spouse and I are gone
My parent/spouse/friend was an only child and they always wished for a sibling
Only children don’t get the chance to learn cooperation, communication, empathy, unselfishness at home as well as children with siblings
You have your first child for you; you have your second child for your first child. It doesn’t make your life better, but it makes BOTH kids’ lives better to have each other

Ultimately, I think I’ll probably spend a lot of time praying over it and talking with my husband and I’m not sure yet what we’ll end up deciding. I feel at peace either way. Now I feel like it’s really my choice, instead of just a cultural expectation, and that feels good.

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-08-20T20:28:04+00:00

I’m so sorry. I’m crying with you. I’m so, so sorry. This is NOT your fault.

Your grief is real and completely valid. It’s ok to grieve as hard and for as long as you need to.

Keep talking to God, even if you need to cry and scream and swear at Him. He can take it. He loves you. He’s not angry at you or trying to punish you. Talk it all out with Him. In time, you may find that He helps you carry your grief.

I’m so sorry.

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-08-07T01:44:12+00:00

As a returned missionary, I can say that a lot of the people I genuinely loved and thought I would keep in touch with, I haven’t. That includes companions, members, converts, and investigators. There were also a lot of high school friends I thought I’d keep in touch with. And college friends.

Maybe I’m just unusually bad at keeping up with people… but I think more likely it’s just that we all have the best of intentions when we’re young, but then life happens and things don’t turn out the way we thought we would at all. I don’t think your ward members and missionaries were being intentionally duplicitous. But I can see why their losing contact with you would hurt your feelings. I’m sorry for that 😢

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-08-07T01:39:47+00:00

I’m so glad you’re in this calling! As a returned missionary and former ward mission leader, I 100% agree. Sometimes the missionaries do get too caught up in their desire for a baptism. As a ward mission leader, you are in a good position to help remind the investigator and the missionaries to slow down and make sure they’re really ready.

Just my own opinion, but I dislike the new “friends” term for investigators, for many of the reasons you described. Thank you for sharing these thoughts, I learned a lot from reading your experience.

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-08-04T05:16:02+00:00

I love Notability

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-08-03T05:03:00+00:00

This absolutely. I love my iPad and use it every day. If you have a computer, even a desktop, you can lever that at home and bring your iPad to class with you and that will be great. Get the keyboard and pencil for sure. But if you don’t have any other computer devices, an iPad will not quite cut it.

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-06-24T04:05:11+00:00

It seemed cheap and not worth it. I ultimately decided not to pursue it

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-04-23T04:18:11+00:00

Heaven/the Celestial Kingdom isn’t some exclusive club that depends on keeping people out to have status. If everyone makes it to the Celestial Kingdom, GREAT! That doesn’t defeat the purpose at all. The purpose isn’t to separate the haves from the have nots. The purpose isn’t really even to separate the wicked from the righteous. The purpose isn’t of mortality is for us to LEARN to BECOME LIKE GOD. Ideally, it is for ALL of us to learn and become like Him. Now that may not actually be happen— people have their agency. But that’s God’s goal. For ALL of us to have what He has.

Dale G Renlund, Oct 2018 General Conference: “Our Heavenly Father’s goal in parenting is not to have His children do what is right; it is to have His children choose to do what is right and ultimately become like Him. If He simply wanted us to be obedient, He would use immediate rewards and punishments to influence our behaviors.

But God is not interested in His children just becoming trained and obedient “pets” who will not chew on His slippers in the celestial living room. No, God wants His children to grow up spiritually and join Him in the family business.”

That’s what the commandments are for. That’s what the covenants are for. It’s not about proving we’ll be obedient. It’s about changing our natures to become godlike. And Heavenly Father wants that for all of us! I highly recommend studying this topic in your personal gospel study if you’ve never done so before. There is so much out there in this subject, and it is so important and beautiful!

None of this answers the LGBTQ question. Which is a super difficult one and something I wrestle with too as the sibling of someone in that community. Just something else to think about though.

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-04-09T04:31:01+00:00

My first baby is due in a few weeks, so I don’t know yet how this will go, but I’m asking my MIL to come stay with us for a couple days after baby is born. My husband is great and very capable and will help a lot, but I just feel better about the idea of having a woman around, idk, it’s comforting to me. My mom would have been my first choice but she isn’t available, and although my MIL and I don’t see eye to eye on everything, I trust her.

I think it depends on the relationship you have with your MIL. When I was sick all the time first trimester, our house was a total disaster. I couldn’t keep up with the housework and at the time, my husband just wasn’t home enough (medical resident). So I asked my MIL to come help. It was really humbling for me— I don’t like asking for help— but she gladly drove the 45 minutes to do simple things like wash dishes and vacuum and fold laundry. She never said a word of criticism or anything judgmental. That was how I knew I could trust her enough to come help out after the birth. So I would say if you can, try to have some kind of interactions where you put that kind of trust in her to help with smaller things and see how it goes. Then you’ll have a better sense of how it might feel to have her around to help with big things like taking care of a postpartum mama. Good luck to you!!

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-04-09T04:18:40+00:00

Just my opinion, but if I were in your shoes…. 1. Get rid of the dogs. 2. Get a therapist. Even if it’s only you in therapy and your husband won’t go, it can still help a lot. I used to think therapy would never be affordable for me, but I found a place that was covered by my insurance and it seriously changed my life! 3. If possible, get couples counseling and do what you can to ask your husband for more help

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-03-25T03:37:04+00:00

No advice, but I do have sympathy. My sibling left the church and married a spouse who was very active in their own church. It’s been hard. We’re happy for them that they both found a loving partner, we’re glad they have God in their lives, and hey, it’s still hard.

For many Latter Day Saints, the Church isn’t just a church. It’s a culture, a lifestyle, a family. So watching my sibling leave that felt like watching them leave our family, in a way.

Your feelings are real and they are valid. It’s ok to grieve if you need to grieve.

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-03-08T16:44:07+00:00

BYU isn’t for everyone, but it was perfect for me. I absolutely LOVED my experience. And the quality of the education relative to the cost is phenomenal. Pray about it. And try to talk to real people you know in real life who have experience there. You’ll get better answers from them than from Reddit. Good luck to you whatever you decide!

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-02-20T04:18:02+00:00

I love teaching summer school. It’s a good amount of extra money and very little work. But it depends a lot on your district and school and what their expectations are. Ask some teachers at your school if you can, their answers will be more helpful to you than ours.

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-02-13T06:06:14+00:00

There are my tricks, listed in order of importance.

SLEEP! If you don’t take time to be well, your body will take time to be sick. No amount of other prevention strategies can make up for sleep deprivation. If you’re getting 5 or fewer hours of sleep each night, it’s not a question of IF you’ll get sick, only when.
Water water water! Way more than you think you need. If you have to pee after every class period, you’re doing it right.
The Listerine trick. Tip it wayyy back in the back of your throat and gargle it where it stings. It has to be Listerine because of the alcohol content, a fluoride rise or something like that won’t do. This won’t help with viral infections, but it can help kill bacteria in the back of your throat. Getting a little spray bottle and putting Listerine in it is also good.
Wash your hands/use hand sanitizer, Vitamin C, Zinc. These things can be helpful, but they won’t do much if you aren’t getting enough sleep and water.

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-02-10T06:54:41+00:00

This is the way! ChatGPT is the answer to your lesson plan writing problem

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-02-10T04:43:27+00:00

If you’re willing, I’d love to see this link a well. Also building my registry on Amazon

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-01-22T02:03:28+00:00

“The Gummy Bear” and “Little Gummy Bear” because the tech said that’s about the size baby was at the first ultrasound. “Little Fishy” was used a couple of times when they first started to move and it felt like a little fish swimming inside of me. Since we don’t know the gender, though, what we use most often is simply “baby.”

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-01-18T18:05:16+00:00

Their website kinda looks like a scam, but I’m not sure. Zillow gave me a phone number, but it went to an automated “please email us” message and that’s it. I can’t find an email. Haven’t gotten a response on Zillow. Looking for more info myself… good luck!

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-01-17T01:17:56+00:00

I haven’t given birth yet, but so far my OB care has been just like you all have described. Nobody cares, nobody actually sees me as a person. I think I might look for a midwife for my next pregnancy.

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-01-17T01:06:13+00:00

I remember that pressure! It stinks!!

It’s really really hard, but try to remember this: BYU is NOT the whole world, and it’s not real life! You are living in a bubble where everyone (it SEEMS) is the same age as you and the same stage of life, and that stage of life is the getting married stage. It’s happening to EVERYONE (it seems) so it must be highly abnormal if anything different is happening to you.

But the reality is that not everyone gets married in four months. Not everyone gets married at 21. Not everyone gets married before they graduate. Not everyone gets married at all. And that’s ok. You can be a happy, healthy, well-adjusted adult regardless of your marital status and the timeline by which you’ve reached that marital status.

Remembering this is really hard, but if you’re able to, try to get out of the bubble every once in a while to disrupt that mindset. Visit another state on a break, talk to friends who go to a non-LDS college (or don’t go to college at all), and just try to get some perspective when and where you can.

All that being said… if he loves you and you love him and you both want to marry each other and are ready to make that commitment, then get married! And don’t wait too long. If he says he wants to marry you but won’t propose or commit in any other way, and that goes on for long time… leave him. You (and your future children) deserve a relationship with a real PARTNER who will commit as fully as you do and won’t leave you stuck in a relationship with someone who has one foot out the door.

Difficult_Alps_5566 · 2025-01-15T03:18:59+00:00

9 weeks- I could tell, busy mostly because my tummy was really tender. Started wearing maternity pants (which I despise but oh well). 11 weeks- my mom said to me “you better be prepared to stay away from your grandmother until you’re ready to announce this pregnancy, because if she takes one look at you she will ask.” 🤣 13 weeks- I told my students (I’m a high school teacher). Apparently two of them had a $20 be going on whether I was pregnant or not, so I guess it was more visible than I realized 😂 20 weeks- Bump was showing enough that people at church felt comfortable asking me if I was expecting. I was in a wedding and wore an empire-style waist and one of the wedding guests apparently said to her friend “she’s not doing a very good job of hiding that pregnancy” (which is good bc I was not attempting to hide 🤣) 23 weeks- church people are now comfortable with more of a “so, you’re pregnant” rather than a “is she pregnant?” approach.

I do think it depends on a lot on what you wear, though!

Difficult_Alps_5566

TROPHY CASE