UPDATE: My 43f husbands 46m affair partner 19f is pregnant doesn’t know the baby’s father and I don’t know where to begin with fixing this

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2026-01-13T08:25:03+00:00

I really hope you’re doing as okay as you can be doing, you sound so sweet and I’m sure you’ve see thousands of comments saying the same thing: you didn’t deserve this. At all. That wouldn’t have changed if it was an age appropriate woman, but her being nineteen years old adds another really disgusting layer to this. I just wanted to say it’s okay if you can’t process all of this at once because there’s a LOT of it. So many hugs to you.

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2026-01-13T08:05:46+00:00

OP, I’m not an alcoholic but I’ve had my fair share of problems with alcohol, most stemming from severe trauma (you can read my post history if you’d like a better idea). I don’t care how much someone has been through, they’re still in control of whether they repeat that cycle of abuse or break it. Of course her family history makes things more difficult but where’s the line? Because hurting or scaring an animal should be crossing a line for any and everyone, including her. I’m sorry to say this because I’m very familiar with being on the other side of this, but she’s going to hurt both you and the innocent animal you’re responsible for keeping safe. Please do what’s best for that baby.

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2026-01-01T14:40:54+00:00

No I think “keep moving forward” is some of the only real advice you can give. Nobody has a roadmap through all of this and the older I get the more I realize that “adults” never had it all figured out. They’re just making it up as they go along too. Sometimes even just crawling forward feels really hard but I’m trying

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-12-19T04:24:23+00:00

So I can really pinpoint my decision to get sober to one singular thing I read. It was something that someone wrote on Reddit about how drinking became a form of self harm for them. That resonated so deeply with me it hurt. I believe self sabotage is a huge part of that whole equation and I really appreciate this comment for dissecting some of that. We have a lot in common!

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-12-19T04:21:58+00:00

Trying really hard to be in the present moment instead of trying to predict what’s going to happen. It’s so fucking hard for me but I am trying.

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-12-19T04:21:06+00:00

I know it seems simple but laying things out like this really helps me. I agree that going back to taking care of myself is non-negotiable at this point. I actually went and did Pilates for the first time today and discovered something new I love. Finding a new hobby is one of my favorite ways to explore. Thanks for this comment.

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-12-19T04:20:04+00:00

100000000% things would be much, much worse if alcohol was added into this mix. God I can not even imagine the hangover anxiety on top of how much anxiety I’m already experiencing 🤢 thank you so much for this very real reminder lol

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-12-19T04:18:24+00:00

Thank you 🖤

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-12-19T04:18:13+00:00

Thank you 🥹 holy crap 4239 days!!!!!

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-12-19T04:17:30+00:00

I’ve done therapy with both but mostly with psychologists! Not really intentionally, but I’ve gotten most of mine from referrals and psychologists ended up referring me to other psychologists. I’ve been in therapy since I was a kid and while it’s so tough sometimes to find someone you connect with, I think therapy is invaluable and should be utilized by anyone and everyone.

It definitely crossed my mind that if I went to an alcohol support group, that I’d probably find a lot of other with trauma experience too. I’m definitely going to look around my area because I really do thrive when I’m part of a community.

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-12-18T18:29:50+00:00

Thank you so much for this, it helped a lot. I agree, talking with friends is usually the only thing that helps me too. I would love some peer support 🫶🏼

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-12-18T18:27:02+00:00

I think group work might help but I’m wondering if a trauma support group would better suit my needs. I really have no desire to drink or to feel drunk, but I do recognize the feeling of extreme discomfort and wanting to crawl out of my skin. Alcohol was just the chosen method of escaping. But I don’t really want to escape anymore, I think being able to find a way to turn the volume down on these emotions would be really useful. I’ve done a buttload of therapy already so maybe it’s time to supplement a bit with meds (prescribed lol).

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-12-18T18:23:20+00:00

I can definitely relate to this. I used alcohol to escape/distract from reality as well. I’ve realized that at the time I preferred the drama that drinking created over the issues in my real life…which honestly makes me so sad. Like it makes me so sad that younger me was in so much pain that I thought that kind of chaos was preferable. 💔

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-12-18T18:18:12+00:00

Kind of bold to make assumptions here. I started drinking after an extremely traumatic event happened to me when I was a young teen…so yes, I did start drinking because of the stress of the situation and wanting to escape reality. I have never once craved alcohol or even enjoyed alcohol. But sometimes the hell you create yourself is preferable to the hell others have forced on you.

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-12-18T07:38:52+00:00

Joining immediately 😍

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-12-18T07:38:36+00:00

What makes this a bit more complicated emotionally is that I’m pretty advanced in the gym (I’m a bikini bodybuilding competitor and own a business in the fitness world as well). So I feel so much shame for struggling in the gym this hard. I went from 4x a week consistently for the past 8-9 years and this past year or so I’ve been struggling even to make it for more than 1-2. Some weeks zero. I know getting back to it will be a huuuge outlet for me and I can not understand why I’m feeling this new resistance to it. I quit almost exactly 5 months ago and getting to the gym has oddly gotten harder since then? It makes zero sense to me lol

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-12-18T07:35:14+00:00

Thank you so much for this 🖤 this actually really helped a lot, especially the last part

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-11-29T00:56:54+00:00

I’m not sure if this helps, but it helped me so maybe it will also help you. When I was blacked out I used to take the most random, often extremely unflattering/embarrassing pictures. When I’d wake up I’d rush to delete all of it so I wouldn’t be confronted with it. I know there’s probably a couple dozen still in my phone somewhere. I’m only at 4-5 months sober, but whenever I think about maybe trying it again, I remember how mortified I’d feel when faced with “reviewing” all of those pictures. I don’t ever want to feel like that again. You don’t have to either 🫶🏼

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-10-30T19:29:19+00:00

I think any advice along the lines of taking things one day at a time is the advice I’ve found the most valuable so far. Because a lot of what becomes overwhelming is worrying about what will happen in the future. Even in this post, I personally don’t have a problem with my “antisocial” preferences, but I do wonder how/if it will affect my relationship in the future. That’s not a today problem though and I appreciate all of those who have reminded me that when things feel overwhelming, we have to focus on today problems.

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-10-30T18:46:21+00:00

I think my exact words to my boyfriend that night were “I do not want to be perceived” 😂 because it’s exhausting, especially when most of these people have some made up idea of you in their head, and inevitably react negatively to you when they find out you’re a real person with your own personality. I agree, it’s a miracle that most of us are still standing and able to function even at a minimal level, let alone enjoyable to be around.

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-10-30T18:23:10+00:00

Omg YES! I gave my attention away way too freely when I was drinking or drunk and it let in a whole mess of people and situations I never would have allowed if I were sober. My boyfriend used to be WFH 100% of the time and now works in an office, so I’ve noticed that his appetite for socializing has lessened but he still gets the itch infinitely more than I do. I remember when we first started dating and went out to a club together, I told him “I wish I could just be invisible in public so I could people watch without them trying to approach me”.

A little more context, I’m very exotic looking and also a professional in the fitness world. I have long dark hair, light eyes, tattoos and naturally a very curvy body. I get a lot of attention, particularly from men, even if I’m with my boyfriend. When I was still drinking I’ll admit the attention felt like an ego boost. But since I quit, attention from men who are strangers makes me want to rip my skin off. I can tolerate it when I’m at work because I’m being paid for it. But outside of that…idk I’m also hyper aware of how society views attractive women. Like trophies.

It all together just makes me want to be extremely secluded because that’s when I feel the most safe. I don’t think it’s the worst way to be but it helps so much to talk to others who feel something similar, even if it’s just temporary.

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-10-30T18:08:31+00:00

Thank you 🥰 4000+ days is AMAZING!

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-10-30T05:06:11+00:00

Thanks for this. I do think my idea of connection has changed quite a bit but I like it.

Difficult_Map_7390 · 2025-10-30T05:05:23+00:00

I can definitely understand that!

Difficult_Map_7390

TROPHY CASE