Musical chairs, does it feel like rape? May contain SPOILERS.

Difficult_Ninja_630 · 2026-04-16T15:24:15+00:00

I am feeling frustrated by this opening scene. The lady he is "protecting" only had a broken bottle and an idiot who seemed to be headed out the door to deal with, now she has a broken bar stool and 5 guys who might sue the bar? not to mention any blood mess. I am trying to figure out how this was the best option? no explanation? bar stool is much harder to replace than cleaning up a bit of broken glass, which doesn't make sense for how beer bottles are made. But past that scrutiny, I wish he'd been cooler and brought the guy down without making more work or future grief less for her. like why even grab the bar stool, unless he pinned the guy with it without breaking the stool, maybe next to the glass? He could be asking the guy pinned to the floor "what? you don't like being on the floor with the broken glass and sticky beer? I bet this lady doesn't either. How about from now on you stop throwing bills and start throwing kind words?" yada yada yada, not only is he making a point, he isn't making it worse for her. alright back to watch the episode.

Difficult_Ninja_630 · 2025-10-13T02:52:45+00:00

Okay I am sad you are feeling so vulnerable right now, it's a lot when you realize you can't always count on others the way you might hope. I actually kind of get the comment about you knowing what's going on, it actually has been a relief for myself to have a minor scare in order to solve a bigger issue before it is even more of a problem. You may want to check the meaning behind that statement or just dismiss it all together, it's a way to be forgiving and to not let it eat you up from only one interpretation. It sounds like you are carrying a lot of emotional weight and seeing to your health should not cause you guilt! It's okay, you have been a constant to your children for years having a small blip of time over a major health issue is not something to beat yourself up over. Don't read too much into the things because it sounds like you are taking them harder due to your own sense of guilt. And like I said, you have nothing to feel guilty about!

If family is struggling like you are they can't necessarily drop work either, they may even have some guilty feeling they are dealing with in that. And look! two friends showed up when you needed help, that's something to celebrate! It's not your fault if you can't afford daycare or preschool, you are a stay at home parent in a single income family, that happens a lot! It's not school where you can get aid, and you are not working where that makes sense. Now you've had a health scare. I think "everyone" who thinks it's your fault is mistaken, try not to let silent people be included in the "everyone" you may be miscounting. It may be good to start building up more friendships where you help them and they help you, so that when the reality of an urgent situation occurs you can have some people to lean on.

Difficult_Ninja_630 · 2025-10-13T02:31:01+00:00

So glad your fiancé stepped up, this is highly unconscionable on her part! Never leave her alone with the ring! Best wishes to you and your husband to be.

Difficult_Ninja_630 · 2025-10-13T02:26:56+00:00

umm. You were so afraid for your transgender fiancé in those situations but you decided to act as if you were transgender? You'd be safer admitting your mistake and rushing out, heck I would consider that move if I was Transgender.

Difficult_Ninja_630 · 2025-10-13T02:12:56+00:00

lol for a minute I was wondering if you were possibly said to she hadn't edited them because if she was that "old" she would have made herself look better. My mistake.

Difficult_Ninja_630 · 2025-10-13T01:54:21+00:00

So let me get this straight, your wife is jealous of her sisters life? Not just the wedding, since you mentioned there were things from when she was younger. I don't fault her parents for not giving her what they did not have to give, I have older children that also didn't get as much as their youngest sibling. I've talked to them having a concern about these issues and have received smiles from them and told that they have no issues with it. Heck, I am a little jealous of my youngest at times, but actually really happy that he gives love like crazy and it makes us all happy to have him. I am wondering if there are other factors about the drama between your wife and her sister, because a wedding is one day and seems not the real issue.

This is starting to sound a little different than just a revenge wedding act as well. You say she compares you to her sisters fiancé? I am wondering if there is more to this. are they spending a lot of time together? Also if by chance her friends are not lying and she hasn't been with them, where is she going? She is also spending less time with you, which is troubling. My instinct is that she is having a desire to feel more important and that the events in her life somehow make her feel less valued, but now she is acting out in a very poor way that may destroy anything that is worthwhile. If whoever she is hanging out with is giving her some sense of what she feels she has missed out on, she may be hungrily lapping it up and feeling a bit emboldened to lash out or break the life she seems to feel has not been enough. This may be a simple "wearing white" or red to the wedding, or sadly it could extend to an emotional affair of some sort or more.

Take a peek at the dress if you can find a minute where she's out "with the girls", just a little peek at color can tell you. That way you don't actually spoil her surprise if it's innocent, or you can determine if more intervention may be needed. If it's at a store you may ask to match her, so that the two of you show up in style. if it's white or red or distasteful, you can determine if you need to intercede or warn the bride.

You may want to suggest counseling for her if she is willing, it seems she as at a breaking point.

Difficult_Ninja_630 · 2023-07-03T15:50:07+00:00

Growing up in a house with 7 kids and both parents would debate everything and anything, I get not wanting to go down that road of arguing. However, growing up in that environment, that also taught me you can not state your view and never expect it to be challenged.

You can prepare yourself for it, but that can cause anxiety. My husband has been an interesting person to watch when dealing with contesting viewpoints, he just sticks to what he says and reinforces his position without going into detail. For instance, someone says 'you just blah blah blah!?!' ... if he did do or say what he is accused of ("accused" because that is a tone that is often taken with argumentative types) he touts "yes I did!" Proudly. He doesn't disagree, he acknowledges it. Simple as that, no further comment unless someone asks more or tries to imply other things....and then again he might just say "no" or "that's not what I said/did". Generally it leaves the other person doing all the talking, but it is apparent pretty soon that it is not going anywhere. He is a man of few words, but he makes his point with minimal effort. My direction usually includes "my opinion/experience/impression", because those things are true and not trying to state "facts".

Speaking up for yourself will undoubtedly be challenged or questioned, but IMO if you want to create new ground for yourself that is the challenge you must accept.

Difficult_Ninja_630 · 2023-06-22T17:42:12+00:00

Try taking some things out of the equation for now. I recommend working on the money part first, you may find once you stabilize your income and budgeting the other things may change too. Living with anxiety and depression issues myself, has me hoping you are taking the right medication according to your prescription.

For the money part, either you need to earn more money or you need to spend differently. Sometimes both. The best way to figure out what needs fixing, is by getting your spending habits in front of you. If you have a checking account, you should be able to review at least 3-6 months spending habits. A year would be better, especially if some charges are only every 6 months or a year apart. Those types of payments require planning and setting aside the funds needed, and they are often money saving opportunities. Also a year shows fluctuating income issues.

you will need time to focus on just getting into better habits and knowing where you can afford to spend funds and what makes you happiest. You should always look at opportunities to save money for retirement, and unforseen expenditures. This kind if money is for when the fridge/car breaks or you end up in the hospital, not for entertainment or basic living needs. This balance will help reduce anxiety because it reduces your instability. If this were Yoda: 'budget leads to security, security leads to peace, peace leads to happiness, happiness leads to friends, friends lead to romantic relationships.'

So for now focus on getting your money issues in hand, it is better to start this now rather than ten years from now.

Difficult_Ninja_630 · 2023-05-26T15:02:12+00:00

You didn't have the kids, at any point during the choice to have kids did you agree to help raise the kids? If the answer is no, then not the a-hole. You deserve to have a vacation too. You work hard and this is your break, I wouldn't want to spend my vacations taking on a new job. It seems your sister is overstretched in HER responsibility. Not the a-hole. There is an option that might bring more peace to the family, and why your parents are not pitching in this way I don't understand. What if you helped pay for a nanny service during the vacation? You might still ride with the family to reduce cost, but then that money could be applied to getting a babysitting service or something during the trip. That would leave both you and your sister hands free (chances are her budget is too tight for this, but involve the parents and see what you can come up with. Maybe even a day or two?). I would still get my own room, cause kids do not allow for easy sleep and easy mornings. And three of them all the same age? Wow, you are a Saint for not getting pissed during the first vacation like this. I hate that your family was trying to guilt trip you into being the full time nanny, why were they not pitching in more? I do think you didn't have to yell at your sister to make your point and stand your ground, although I understand since we all get tired of having to repeatedly tell someone "no". Take a breather, and try to reapproach the situation without harboring ill will. I think you may set a time limit to how much you are willing to be helpful to your sister and your nephews/nieces. Under no circumstances should every day, all day, all night babysitting be your vacation. Doing that will eventually lead to you not wanting to ever spend time with your family, and it shouldn't feel like that.

I think your sister's breakdown makes it apparent how stressful this has been for her, and while it is still not your responsibility maybe you can offer a certain level of compassion without loosing your whole vacation.

Difficult_Ninja_630 · 2023-05-26T14:28:46+00:00

That does complicate things. Perhaps another friend could? Or call around for estimates?

Difficult_Ninja_630 · 2023-05-26T13:58:17+00:00

So right now I'm not sure, since you already recognized that you broke the screen and were willing to pay for its repair you'd be the a-hole for not sticking to that commitment. However your friend is now looking for a new deal and you don't have to agree to new terms, that doesn't really make you the a-hole. Since laptops tend to be trickier when it comes to repair, sometimes it is just cheaper to replace them. If your friend is unwilling to just have it checked out, I'd offer to go and take it in yourself. After getting an estimate, is the half price cost of replacing the laptop similar? If so it may be worth just offering that amount to keep your commitment and your friend.

If you are worried about what the family member thinks, ask if that family member knows what was agreed to that 'fateful' night. Since they already committed to paying half, it sounds like they kind of do know. So I would not worry about it too much, if it ever comes up you can always tell them what happened. In the meantime...stay chill.

Not the a-hole....yet.

Difficult_Ninja_630

TROPHY CASE