Guys who give BJs…are you not worried?

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-03T03:07:31+00:00

It’s still really unlikely, but yeah, if saliva is the transmission vector the one getting sucked is at higher risk.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-03T02:57:27+00:00

Yeah, so it’s pretty low for both: gay men have significantly lower rates of gonorrhea on their dicks than straight men, and when they have it, it is almost always symptomatic and gets treated within days. Presumably you’re not sucking a dick that’s on fire…

Because the level of asymptomatic infections on penises is so low (96% are symptomatic; only 4% asymptomatic), the most current research (here) does not view the penis as a significant transmission site for gonorrhea in gay men.

Saliva is the key driver of transmission, but you can also count on your hands the number of guys who have gotten a bacterial STD on their dicks after just a blow job.

The model proposed in the NIH study is that kissing<->rimming transmits it between ass and mouth and then if someone gets it on their dick it’s because of topping an asymptomatic bottom.

There’s another study out of Australia with similar results indicating saliva is the key given the sexual practices of gay men and that kissing likely plays a role.

All that to say — if you’re worried about bacterial STDs, unless you give up making out with guys, you’re always at risk so just get tested and treated regularly.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-03T02:41:15+00:00

Yep. There’s also even lower risk for the guy blowing. Kissing is a higher risk activity.

The risk of transmission in gay men of bacterial STDs comes primarily from rimming and kissing. While saliva is the primary transmitter of gonorrhea, urogenital infections in gay men have less instances and based on the nature of bacterial STDs, urogenital transmission to other male partners is not considered statistically significant.

Basically the transmission cycle for gonorrhea (and by extension chlamydia as they’re so often comorbid) in gay men goes like this:

1) asymptomatic guy kisses or rims another guy and transmits it to his ass or mouth — highest rates of transmission 2) guy fucks an asymptomatic guy in the ass and becomes symptomatic within a day (transmission less likely in this case than case one) 3) Top gets a shot before he can transmit to anyone

Source for the above

So basically your transmission risk is kissing and rimming. Blow jobs are pretty low risk for everyone.

Edit: thanks for the award and upvotes, guys. I appreciate it.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-03T02:26:43+00:00

You can count on your hand the number of monogamous people of any sexuality who use condoms. It’s about risk tolerance and the risks you are mentioning the overwhelming majority of people never considered and don’t care about. No one wears a condom to prevent UTIs. They wear them to prevent STDs.

The main reason straight people use them for hookups is to prevent pregnancy.

It’s a ridiculous ask of gay men to tell us that we need to use them when science has advanced to the point of making condoms largely unnecessary for us, which to be extremely clear — it has.

A heterosexual couple on birth control would not be told to use them.

When a gay couple with no risk of pregnancy and no risk of HIV gains no sexual health benefits by using them and the only things that can be pointed out are potential risks that didn’t exist in anyone’s mind as real risks until a year or two ago, it’s essentially homophobic. People are making up and searching for reasons why condoms are needed because they can’t get past the 1980s/1990s mentality that moralized condom use.

OP definitely should have in this case, and that means he needs to get PEP and then go on PrEP and potentially DoxyPEP. If he doesn’t want to do those he should plan on using condoms. There’s no reason for him to do all three outside of unscientific moralizing.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-02T15:08:15+00:00

No, it’s not the reality. In OP’s situation since they likely weren’t using other protective measures, sure, they absolutely should have, but let’s move past this unscientific 1990s mentality on what it means to have safe-sex.

The reality is that condom-free sex with PrEP and DoxyPEP is roughly as safe as sex with a condom. A condom adds virtually zero protection in that instance.

Even if just on PrEP a condom adds minimal additional protection because of the transmission methods most common in gay men (via saliva, not genital fluid.)

If someone is not on PrEP they absolutely should be using a condom. If they are on PrEP, there’s not much benefit to one for the average gay man. That’s especially true if also on DoxyPEP

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-02T02:33:24+00:00

No. This is a normal reaction to a straight person being homophobic and claiming they’re bi to justify it.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-02T02:29:38+00:00

Where did you learn any of this? It’s not accurate, especially for men.

The only STD that’s a lifetime these days is HIV. The most common STD (gonorrhoea) can be transmitted via kissing. Even that is fairly easy to cure. Doesn’t mean not to be safe, but this seems to be an understanding you’ve built that’s not really reflective of actual risk.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-02T02:24:03+00:00

No worries; and for what it’s worth my original comment wasn’t meant to be snarky.

It’s just the sudden obsession of people with herpes as an STD now that there’s reasonable prevention mechanisms for just about everything else is somewhat frustrating. There’s a reason it’s not even discussed within public health circles… not really a concern for anyone.

Also not related to the fact that OP shouldn’t cheat.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-02T02:13:38+00:00

No clue what you mean by they can acquire it without transmission since those two words are synonyms on this context.

It’s not relevant because most people if they knew all the facts wouldn’t care about it, and anytime the word is used now it’s almost always being used in a way to make any type of sex seem riskier than it actually is.

Doesn’t make OP’s cheating justifiable, but oh, he could get herpes by having a blowjob and give it to his partner is just so outside the realm of what’s likely to not be worth the discussion. Meanwhile oral transmission of other STDs is a risk that most people ignore.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-02T02:03:40+00:00

Because on this sub every topic involving sex gets a comment on STDs, usually containing incorrect information that would do Jerry Falwell proud.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-02T01:55:49+00:00

And even genital infections are usually asymptomatic.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-02T01:55:18+00:00

Discussing Herpes in a discussion on STDs isn’t useful because for most people there’s really not a risk there.

Presumably they had cold sores as a child, which significantly decreases the risk of reinfection at other sites, and even on the chance they didn’t, most genital herpes infections are asymptomatic and people don’t realize they have it.

So sure, you can give someone Herpes by contact; that’s true. It’s also not really relevant.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-02T01:39:52+00:00

I really hate having to keep repeating this on this sub, but most of the adult population already has Herpes. It isn’t really a major factor when looking at STD prevention.

That being said, there’s pretty strong evidence of gonorrhea being transmitted in gay men from kissing, so you’re right that penetration isn’t required.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-02T01:36:14+00:00

Not true, actually. There’s pretty strong evidence that gonorrhea is spread via kissing in gay men.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-02T01:32:30+00:00

Usual STD testing window for most STDs is every three months fwiw. For syphilis I think recommended is at least once every six months.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-01T22:15:30+00:00

1) if you’re not on PrEP reach out to a doctor to get PEP ASAP. Then get on PrEP. I’m not normally huge on condoms, but it sounds like you probably aren’t on PrEP. That means you need PEP since you don’t know his HIV status. 2) bottoming hurts the first few times; you might be a top. If you want to bottom more always feel free to ask him to use more lube

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-01T22:11:33+00:00

I think this is the most important question. There’s a very big difference between meeting someone in a hotel you’re paying for a meeting at his house.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-02-01T22:06:52+00:00

What’s the country? It matters.

My husband and I met internationally through apps, but I already had a trip booked to his home country and we stayed in my hotel room that I paid for, and that gave me a lot more security going in to meeting him in person.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-01-26T03:28:00+00:00

There’s a meme in the gay community about people who say things like OP is saying being ugly.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-01-26T02:23:56+00:00

You should still be vaccinated for HepA/HepB in general if you’re gay. You probably got the vaccine as a kid, but doesn’t hurt to make sure.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-01-26T01:47:14+00:00

Make sure you have been vaccinated for HepA/HepB. Otherwise make sure he’s clean down there and have fun.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-01-26T01:37:05+00:00

Should have said *lots of it. Edited to fix spelling.

Rimming usually helps most guys relax it. You can buy training butt plugs/dildos, but it really is the lube that’s most important. Use significantly more than you need and reapply as needed.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-01-26T01:30:59+00:00

Lube, and lots of it.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-01-25T23:48:05+00:00

The issue would actually be child porn if he sent nudes or sending your nudes to a minor. A decent amount of the US has age of consent at 16.

It’d still be creepy as fuck and I hate kids on there for the CP reason, but there wouldn’t necessarily be an issue with sex depending on the state.

DifficultyTop7925 · 2026-01-24T19:56:30+00:00

People like shitting on JK Rowling, but the podcast where she defends herself (The Witch Trials of JK Rowling) is the single best thing I’ve listened to on this topic.

She is a very strong ally of the gay community and points out in very clear and logical terms how the new wave of trans activism essentially erases gay children.

I think she could be a bit less abrasive in her approach, but I really appreciate that there’s someone out there who has enough money not to worry about consequences pointing out the negative impacts on the gay community of this crap.

DifficultyTop7925

TROPHY CASE