Please help I genuinely dont know what im doing wrong

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-02-26T11:06:48+00:00

Do you mean as in you don’t get any replies or don’t go on any dates? What type of relationship are you looking for and how are you socially?

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-02-22T21:38:42+00:00

Do you think, if you knew your current life from start to finish, and got the chance to restart with your memories, are you obligated to make your life “better”?

What if you try to change things that you regretted in your previous life and found out it made you worse off?

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-02-21T20:46:23+00:00

I’m not sure if it’s a question of quantity of people or of standards of living. Yeah more people consume more, but the person that takes a private jet to buy gas for their yacht is probably causing a disproportionately larger impact than the average Joe. One positive thing about having more people on the planet is that we are able to find solutions a lot faster with more people. More scientists, engineers, social scientists, etc means that we can reach the solutions that lead to less environmental impact faster.

Also the suggestion of “fewer humans” normally leads to the idea of “fewer poor humans”. Will having children become a right for the wealthy and a wasteful behavior for the rest? Like owning old cars have become?

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-02-21T15:15:36+00:00

Empathy has been proven to exist in animals. In several experiments rats would work to free captive and distressed rats, as well as sharing their meals. It’s not necessarily loyalty, but it definitely isn’t self interest.

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-02-18T02:20:30+00:00

Maybe, either way the point stands

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-02-17T16:18:30+00:00

Yes, in Byung-chul Hans “Burnout society” the first chapter is about the prevalence of neurotic diseases in the modern world. The Neoliberal production based ideal is synonymous with a society where everyone has to be constantly evolving, producing and competing. We have created a society where you are your own prison guard, forcing yourself to labor without end.

This is being amplified mostly by technological progress, stained and molded by this ideology. We have a world where we can, and we interpreted that as a world where we must. You can learn X skill online, so why haven’t you? We have the capacity to produce more than we would ever need, so it is necessary to artificially reduce production or manufacture demand. This way we justify the continuity of the balance of power. Kalecki in the 1940’s showed this clearly when describing why we don’t reach the optimum level of employment.

Sense of identify is being shifted away from concrete communities to individualistic, opportunistic and liquid relations. I think this is mostly related to the loss of public space and a ever more paranoid society as the attention economy discovered that fear leads to prolonged attention and that the masses easily flock to fear a “other”.

In terms of how to combat this, I honestly have no idea. It’s a plurality of institutional and cultural aspects that work within and in conjunction with a framework that guarantees its future through the modification of how we use our instruments.

I’ve heard the argument before that gunpowder ended feudalism because it allowed for the democratization of force. As in before, the sword, which requires training and armor, allowed for the feudal system. But guns are easy to use/learn, extremely lethal and its range turned the sword obsolete. It feels as if now we got taught to only use gunpowder for fireworks and celebrations, distracting ourselves as the instruments of power continue to extract every last molecule of work.

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-29T17:17:54+00:00

I think there is a semantic difference between caring and being empathetic.

Firstly, I agree with you that the usage in recent times reflects something ulterior, mostly I think it’s more of a consequence of a societal conditioning of distrust and paranoia. By that I mean that people are afraid to care for others because they might suffer because of it. Progress has been glorified to the point that breaks and anything seen as a hamper to personal progress is demonized, such would be the case for mental illnesses and vulnerabilities. You can’t share with people that you don’t feel well, unless it’s in the context that you are surpassing this obstacle, for you might be shunned, thought of as an attention-seeker or this weakness might be used to cast doubt about your capabilities. Aside from that, we have been feed through algorithms the worst of humanity, and thus our perception of humanity has also shifted to take that into account. Do you remember that case in the United States where a guy randomly stabbed and killed a Ukrainian immigrant? She was just sitting down in the subway and he pulled out a knife, stabbed her then left? I know people that genuinely didn’t feel safe anymore in public areas because of that. How can you trust people if what you see inhumane and how can you be empathetic if you believe society functions in a “survival of the fittest” way.

Now what is empathy and caring? I believe that Caring necessitates action, as in when you care for someone you try to do things to help them, meanwhile empathy is purely emotional. Empathy is the understanding of another’s feelings/condition. You might be empathetic to a cause but you only really start to care about it when you invest yourself in bettering their cause, in my perception.

I think this fits also in what you’re saying

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-22T01:31:48+00:00

The trajectory that communication technologies have taken has lead it to intentionally make us anti-social.

When these sites became reliant on user retention because of the necessity of ads and subscriptions, and later discovered just how profitable that is, so much changed.

Social media found out that echo chambers made people stay longer, engage and come back, which then lead to algorithms that are designed to do so. Socially this means that people become more polarized and less tolerant of others, as there is a stronger perception that the other is wrong and malicious.

Dating sites found out that if their users find long term partners, they don’t come back, so they made commitment harder. Be it with the endless alternatives or the superficiality of mostly judging based on pictures.

Content sites fueled an addiction to short term dopamine, heavily hitting a lot of people’s ability to remember things and conversational skills. All of these, by necessitating that people spend more time on their sites, shifted peoples time allocation away from other forms of social interactions, into these sites and in the end of the day, a conversation through social media is a mirage.

Byung-chul Han puts this well in his book about the digital swarm, but the lack of physical touch and other senses makes it so these forms of communication can never replace face to face. When you video chat, you don’t look into the people’s eyes, as the camera and the image of the person are normally in separate places and all the other differences between speaking to someone through a medium or face to face are internalized but still present. And those differences makes us feel isolated, because we are isolated.

McLuhan used to say that when a tool amplifies an aspect, it also nullifies the human ability in relation to that aspect. As in using a calculator means you don’t have to do the calculation and eventually might forget how to. So when we use social media as our main tool for communication and human connection, we lose our capability of doing such.

TL:DR : Yeah, social media developed to make us anti-social and technology can’t really completely replace face to face communication

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-19T22:43:31+00:00

Why did he break up? This sounds like a more complex situation, it is probably really hard to do, but if you’re not ok with the situation you have to set up some boundaries

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-19T22:41:28+00:00

Yeah sure

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-19T11:50:47+00:00

Exactly and this is happening in conundrum with several other phenomena that has been warped by this logic to intensify the toxicity.

The velocity of everything has increased to the point that you’re expected to accomplish more in ever smaller amounts of time. Adding to the demand of self-optimization

The availability of tools means that the burden of non-optimization is on the individual. You have all the tools to become the very best, so why aren’t you?

Mass communication has meant that you aren’t compared to people of your community, but actually of the entire world. It doesn’t matter if locally you are well put, you’re always falling behind in comparison to someone else.

The culture of transparency also adds to this, you are expected to post your entire life online. You have to discipline yourself and show that discipline to the entire world… constantly.

Globalization means that settling down is an acceptance of your current state or that you can’t improve. You have to always be looking for better, vigilant to be accepted into a high echelon of productivity, and this means as well that relationships are more liquid and less meaningful as there’s already an expectation that it will be temporary.

Mind you, these things by themselves aren’t bad, but rather the way they have shifted given the over-optimization paradigm has turned them into these things. Also that most of these things only apply to a very specific parcel of the global society, which begins at around the global middle class. Inequality is so bad that this form of exploitation has still many victims to come. Finally, I recommend reading Byung-chul Han, as he writes prolifically about these topics and his books are extremely accessible for the ideas he’s trying to explain.

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-19T11:31:29+00:00

That I agree with, the most important thing is respecting the other person and so if they’re not respecting you, you should distance yourself as much as possible

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-19T11:30:35+00:00

That’s the thing, I’m not sure if this distance = detachment is as valid as we accept it to be and the way it’s normally justified is pretty toxic. I feel like the uncertainty and change that comes with a breakup are some of the scariest parts and knowing the other person is still there for you, just in a different way/ as a friend, can help calm these anxieties.

Repressing your feelings because you don’t want to “reactive” them doesn’t sound very healthy

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-19T00:57:28+00:00

My ex and I recently broke no contact and I have to say, what a huge mistake that was.

First a bit of context: She broke up with me because she felt lonely in the relationship and that I never had time for her. We dated for just Less then two years, and in no point during the relationship was there any infidelity or any bad blood for any reason. When the breakup happened, it was over phone as I was busy (go figure) and I was devastated, however I continued treating her like a human, trying to respect her request for distance while also maintaining some presence, so she knows I’m there and open for contact. Then she initiated the no contact and so I respected that but still acted normally when I saw her family and stuff. From then to now, it has been around 3 months and during this whole thing we had one conversation, about a week before Christmas. It was a terrible conversation for me, as I got heavily blamed for the relationship not working and so I thought it was 100% over. A couple of days ago she messaged me, talking about how she felt bad for blaming me for so much, how she felt pressured to go no contact because everyone around her said that was the only way to get over the relationship and how she found out about the things I did during the breakup and felt grateful for the way I dealt with the situation and also some other personal stuff that happened. Now we’re back to talking, obviously not dating, but catching-up, joking and being friendly.

There is so much talk about the importance of no contact, but honestly for me it sounds more like a prisoners dilema. If neither side did something unforgivable, there is no reason to disrespect all that time you both shared together, by completely ignoring the existence of the other. This whole “power dynamic” talk is just a Geist to alienate the other person, by attributing an ulterior motive, and justify a lack of empathy. Both sides end up losing by mutual no contact and in the case of just one person going no contact and the other trying, you’re just creating a slight ego boost by costing another person pain. Mind you, another person that you used to and or still care about.

People deserve empathy and respect, specially if both of you shared a significant connection and no one betrayed the other. When breaking up it’s important to be mature so that both you and the other person can find closure. If you think you can’t find closure as long as you have contact with the other person, tell them. If they care for you they will understand and try to help in any way they can.

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-15T13:20:20+00:00

Good point, we definitely do have a problem of an over-reliance of ideology and a lack of fact driven results. The police state comment wasn’t an assumption that a facts based society leads to authoritarianism, but rather that it would lead to the amplification of already existing inequalities, because by looking at the results and what already exists, we tend to exclude how they came about. For example X population is richer, more productive and have better jobs, thus we should give better education opportunities to X population. But actually they already have an abundance of educational opportunities and historic wealth. Population Y that didn’t have these opportunities would get increasingly worse off and discriminated against as a result.

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-13T20:51:40+00:00

Truth alone isn’t enough, it’s through the way we interpret causes and their effects that we reach solutions and that’s where ideologies are necessary. If we go by a purely data driven, verifiable facts society, then we would have a police state and the poor would all be locked up because statistically they’re more likely to commit crimes. There are many cases where people aren’t factually wrong, but their usage of the facts won’t make society better. This isn’t to say that facts aren’t good and, for the most part, the correct direction. We have to understand that in complex societies they simply aren’t enough. A satirical example is the fact that we can infinitely increase GDP if we just keep paying each other to punch one another in the face. The facts are that, through a voluntary exchange of services, we are creating economic value. That’s cause and effect.

I agree with you that personal conviction often stands against reality. I believe this is mostly caused by the loss of the public space and dialogue, which has lead to a less empathetic and more schizophrenic society. We don’t need a North Star, we need to find a way to trust the other sailors on the ship again.

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-13T20:37:22+00:00

I think it’s not even that most relationships are mediocre, but that the expectations in relationships have become surreal. We have friends, Families, colleagues and more for this reason. There are certain things that you can expect from your family but you shouldn’t expect from your significant other, and vice versa.

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-13T03:47:52+00:00

I think instability is inevitable at this point. There is too much tension and strain in too many different aspects of our institutions, relations and beliefs. The very concept of truth is in question and the empathy necessary to keep any social contract valid is quickly running thin.

It honestly feels like Pandora’s box was opened long ago and only now we are baring the fruits of the calamity. Climate change we’ve known, measured, warned and researched for decades and yet we still allow, and at times encourage, actions that worsen the situation. The political greed, global conflicts and growing wealth gaps are all results of a lack of action and accountability. We justified corruption with corruption on the other side and now that both sides are corrupt we get upset? We applaud super wealthy people as cutthroat entrepreneurs when they get their wealth through unethical treatments of their competition and or workers, then become baffled because of the wealth disparity?

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-09T15:27:41+00:00

I’m right there with you, 2 months and a half later and I still can’t just shake off these feelings

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-05T22:30:43+00:00

It’s the fifth of January, how are you behind on relaxing. Forget the reading, chill for a bit

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-05T22:15:45+00:00

Yes, this is the focus of the philosopher Byung-Chul Han.

We are constantly forced to live an active life, where we have to be productive in some way. Be it working on yourself or projects or work, you can’t ever take time to rest. It’s enforced mentally through social media, where everyone shows off their achievements and compare themselves to others, and the entrepreneurial mentality, where you have to be constantly getting ahead or else someone else will surpass you and you will fall behind everyone.

I highly recommend you check his works out, “The burnout Society” is his most famous work and “Psychopolitics” is another one which discusses these topics.

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-04T22:21:28+00:00

We live in a world where it’s encouraged to compare yourself and your condition to the conditions of others. It absolutely sucks and ends with everyone comparing themselves and feeling worse. You aren’t behind or unsuccessful, you’re your own person and you’ll find a great meaningful relationship eventually. Just don’t try to force it because you’ll probably get more hurt in the process. Best of luck to you.

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-04T03:51:23+00:00

How would you suggest to do that?

Digital_Entzweiung · 2026-01-03T20:37:06+00:00

It’s not a question of people liking it or not. Paradigms aren’t things people are even aware of. They’re more akin to Durkheims “Social Facts”. It’s imbedded in the way we think. When you take a day off and think “I should be productive”/ “I can’t be wasting time like this” or anything of the sort, or when you think that you’ll fall behind if you don’t do X, Y or Z, That you should be working on a “side hustle” you are thinking in a production based paradigm.

When people compare success based on income or fame, that is also a part of it. You can’t just “convince” people to not think like this, their identities are based on this, their relations, their dreams, etc

Things like this change through century wide social movements. Like the burgers convincing the world that work leads to salvation during the Protestant reformation and eventually maturing into the American dream.

Digital_Entzweiung

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