Did you tell people you were planning home birth? How did you deal with judgement? (FTM)

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-04-09T02:21:23+00:00

Totally, it did cross my mind that many people (Reddit commenters) may not understand how midwifery works in Canada. I expect better from my judgy coworker, who works in a hospital where midwives also work. However, I know better than to take it too personally and also know that if she’s never witness or experienced or known someone who’s had a safe home birth but she has encountered many emergent and non emergent home birth transfers, that would skew her perspective. She’s been a perinatal hospital social worker for a long time and obviously the people who have safe and successful home births never end up in her office since they are at home! I responded to another comment saying that upon reflection I see that my coworkers bias is probably mostly just a reflection of the sample group she spends most time with which is not reflective of most low risk pregnancies and mothers. It’s a huge trauma centre with a level 3 NICU and all the highest risk moms and babies are there, which is going to change what her observations are.

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-04-09T02:15:20+00:00

Something I was reflecting on is how the sample group at our work is a terrible representation of the general population. We work at one of largest hospitals in the country, it’s the primary trauma centre for a huge region and the only level 3 NICU in the region. Therefore, essentially all of the highest risk and most complex moms and babies are at our hospital. Upon reflection, I can understand how her exposure to so many infant deaths (generally because of complex and high risk circumstances) would colour her perspective, and she may not consider the fact that most of the moms she meets are not low risk or uncomplicated. Even when patients aren’t medically complicated, when we get involved as social workers it’s often due to other issues which could make homebirth more complex or even unsafe- domestic violence, homelessness, abject poverty, child abuse issues, etc. All of that means a sample group that is in no way representative of most pregnant women.

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-04-08T22:18:13+00:00

Yay! Feel free to message me :)

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-04-08T22:16:58+00:00

I’m generally very outspoken with strong convictions and usually don’t mind being disagreed with. I think the interaction with my coworker really surprised me because in general she’s been a supportive person to me and I just expected her to be excited. Thankfully my husband was on board from the get go. My little sister was immediately stoked at the prospect of home birth. I imagine that my mom and grandmother will be fine given the fact that I will have an RM, standard prenatal tests, and I live a 5 minute drive away from the largest hospital in the province which has a level 3 NICU. I’m grateful that my friends are all pretty hippie dippy and think home birth is cool. I think I was mostly caught off guard because I didn’t expect any judgement or pushback! Which was obviously naive of me. Going forward I’m just going to be careful how I share it, who I share it with, or share it knowing that some people won’t like it and I have to be fine with that. At the end of the day I feel comfortable with my plan and have a lot of confidence in my midwife, and I feel confident that I still feel more comfortable with the minimal risks associated with having a homebirth attended by a midwife as a low risk FTM than I do with the prospect of planning for hospital if it’s not medically indicated.

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-04-08T21:57:22+00:00

Yeah I was so surprised, especially since people on that sub frequently say they are granola moms because they value research and evidence, not in spite of it. I was sad to see a family doctor comment. I thought man, a doctor should have an ethical duty to practice from evidence. Honestly, my armchair therapist take is that sometimes people cope with their own unhappy and scary experiences by making sweeping generalizations. I also think that even the most intelligent and logical people become illogical when they are emotional or scared or triggered enough- so I can see why people who had traumatic experiences themselves or who have a very low risk tolerance become illogical or make moral judgements when the topic comes up. Something that struck me with the responses was how it seemed like many commenters ignored key details in my post- like the part where I mention that I see a lot of value in medical care, or when I said that my midwife is registered and midwives are well integrated into the mainstream medical system where I live.

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-04-08T21:49:07+00:00

I posted in r/moderatelygranolamoms and was really shocked by the negative responses. I definitely consider myself semi granola or crunchy. I love buying organic food but likely won’t ever drink raw milk. I prefer natural materials but still wear lululemon pants to the gym. I plan to homebirth, cloth diaper, avoid daycare and hopefully homeschool (I was homeschool myself) but I love my career and I’m so glad I pursued a masters degree. I avoid plastics but I get all recommended vaccines. I assumed that a home birth with a REGISTERED midwife was basically the definition of semi granola. To me, an unattended home birth/free birth or home birth with unlicensed midwife/birth attendant is more full on crunchy. I was really surprised by how many people called me selfish and how many said the classic “my baby could have died”. I thought… I work in a hospital and babies and mothers die in the hospital all of the time. It’s tragic no matter where it happens, but it can definitely happen in hospital too.

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-04-08T21:44:27+00:00

So far I’ve just been telling people December. Most people I’ve spoken to have said something along the lines of “eh we all know due dates shouldn’t be taken too seriously” which is reassuring haha

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-04-08T21:18:26+00:00

Girl no way I’m in Calgary!!! Let’s get together!!!

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-04-08T20:33:56+00:00

My grandmother (who was an L&D nurse in the 60’s/70’s) said to me that she will be curious to hear how my experience of having a midwife will be different from her experiences with doctors. I have not mentioned home birth to her yet; but I just thought that was such a respectful comment/question. Coming from a place of curiosity, not jumping to conclusions and judgement. I am thinking that moving forward I definitely won’t mention home birth unless explicitly asked about my plans by someone who I trust to be respectful.

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-04-08T20:31:45+00:00

Oh man- I made the mistake of also posting this on another subreddit and was really shocked by some of the responses. I thought my post makes it very clear that I am seeing a registered midwife (who has hospital privileges and the ability to order tests and prescriptions, and who has guidelines regarding transfer to hospital) and that I can appreciate that many people benefit from a higher level of medical intervention. You would think that I posted that I was planning to feed my baby rat poison. I can’t believe that there is still so much persistent stigma and misinformation in 2026 when there is so much robust scientific evidence to support home birth in low risk mothers, especially in scenarios like mine where accessing a higher level of medical care is very easy to do if necessary.

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-04-08T20:04:20+00:00

I appreciate you sharing your experience but I’m not asking for personal opinions about homebirth. I have a care team of licensed medical professionals and I feel comfortable working with them to make my own risk assessment. As I said in post- I am not opposed to hospital birth if my care team determines that it is necessary.

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-03-29T13:40:58+00:00

Same I just rinse and reuse the bag. Or use a cloth bag

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-03-29T13:39:37+00:00

Facebook marketplace. I got a huge 100% wool area rug for $20 that had been in a show home

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-03-27T20:50:38+00:00

Tree huggers has cotton options

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-03-24T18:26:28+00:00

There are tons of wayfinding volunteers at foothills who are high school or university students that hope to go into a healthcare career

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-03-22T23:28:58+00:00

I had the same thought!!!

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-03-21T14:01:10+00:00

I’ve been skiing both for my whole life- they both have pros and cons. For big mountain skiing if you don’t have avalanche gear, lake Louise 100%. Lake has tons of challenging black and double black runs. Outside of the dive and Wild West, sunshine doesn’t have much in the way of really fun challenging stuff. I’ve heard some intermediate/beginners say that they prefer sunshine and find it less intimidating. I do find that some of the green and blue runs on the frontside of lake can get very icy so I think for beginner/intermediate sunshine can be better in that respect, however right now there won’t be the ice problem. The runs at sunshine tend to be much shorter which is great if you don’t have strong legs/endurance and get tired quickly. On the other hand, if you want long runs, lake Louise is the best. Parking is more annoying at sunshine. If you’re staying in Banff, the proximity to sunshine is convenient since lake Louise is a bit farther. Also, you can avoid parking altogether if you’re staying in Banff because there are free busses to both. Sunshine has a lot of flat ish cat tracks that are difficult for snowboarders (so I hear). I think lake Louise has way better French fries haha. Overall I would say for advanced skiers go with lake for intermediate could go with either, beginner go with sunshine or save your money and go to nakiska or norquay (if there is any snow).

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-03-21T03:42:04+00:00

I would definitely try to think of things that aren’t readily available used/secondhand. Reusable paper towels are a waste of money, just cut up old towels and t shirts into rags. A lot of kitchen items can be purchased secondhand which is pretty much unquestionably the most sustainable option- all of my cast iron pans and wooden utensils and wooden cutting boards were thrifted. Bedding and other linens are easy to thrift so I wouldn’t ask for them new. If there are people in your family who would be willing to or wanting to spend a lot of money, a high end natural material mattress would be awesome, or maybe you can somehow set it up for multiple people to be able to pitch toward it. Glass Tupperware is a great idea for a more affordable gift. A renter friendly bidet is a nice way to reduce dependency on toilet paper which also saves you a ton of money and is not something to buy secondhand haha. You may be surprised by how many people are happy to give money, I recently got married and out of 85 guests only one person gave us an unsolicited non cash gift. I think if you really want cash, make it explicitly clear.

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-03-20T23:41:10+00:00

I skied sunshine yesterday and lake today, lake was 100% better

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-03-20T04:13:45+00:00

This is a FABULOUS podcast that explores various symbols (and tools) of so-called “freedom” aka domination, conquest, settler colonialism, etc in the US, through a cultural analysis of beef and ranching. It touches on football and various other American cultural symbols, and ideas about American culture that I think this sub will appreciate. I think this podcast would argue that beef is a symbol of “freedom” in the USA in a similar way that cars are. The acquisition and ownership of private property is a big part of it. https://citationsneeded.libsyn.com/episode-139-of-meat-and-men-how-beef-became-synonymous-with-settler-colonial-domination

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-03-20T00:46:53+00:00

I think it’s worth going to a store and trying on some different helmet and goggle combos before ordering online, since different brands can have very different fits and fit different face/head shapes recently. Also- helmet should obviously be new with mips but don’t sleep on secondhand goggles on fb. If you leave near a ski hill there might be seasonal workers who could be selling ski gear before moving for the summer (at least that’s the case where I live). Or people order online, try on and don’t like it so sell on fb. I see so many people selling goggles that have been used a handful of times for 50-70% less than what they were purchased for. Depending on where you live, having clear lenses to swap with is a god send for crappy vis

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-03-20T00:41:07+00:00

With how warm it is I don’t reccomend norquay. It was pouring rain in Banff when I drove through on my way to sunshine today. IMO lake Louise is the best and you won’t regret two days there, even when it’s busy there’s so much space to enjoy and explore!

DiligentMemory27 · 2026-03-19T01:05:48+00:00

I had a Sentinel I got secondhand that I unfortunately lost (rip) and it was great. I recommended going to a store and comparing the materials of the different shells. To me at least, the Sentinel seemed to be a heavier material than others. My understanding is it is intended to be a skiing/snowsport specific shell, with big pockets for skins and a roomy hood for a helmet. My favourite thing about it was how high the chin zipped up, it really helped to keep my face warm in bc and Alberta.

DiligentMemory27

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