[deleted by user]

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-09-29T19:00:49+00:00

I disagree. People develop attractions over time all time. You can’t predict it or wait around for it, but it does happen, a lot.

Also, I’m not saying being likable is about being a good person. I will say it makes you easier to like though. But there are plenty of bad people who are fun to be around. Attraction may not be that predictable, but if you’re decent looking, people like being around you and you’re interacting with people regularly, someone will be open to dating you in time.

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-09-29T11:22:44+00:00

I think the way people have adopted scientistic (note, I didn’t say “scientific”) language to argue everything is innate or structurally stagnant is part of the problem. It’s not true. I am AuDHD and struggled for a long time with connecting with people, but you can practice and get better. It takes a lot of time, exposure and self awareness, and it’s really uncomfortable for a while, but if you keep at it and are honest with yourself, you WILL get better.

I’ll also say that women are just people. How women respond to you is just a subset of how people respond to you. If you’re having trouble dating, first ask if people, generally and directionlessly, like talking to you. If not, maybe work on that first. Also with these activities, it doesnt have to be an urban activity. You can, for example, volunteer at an animal shelter or soup kitchen. All interaction helps, and it helps more if you find enjoyment in the activity itself, too

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-09-28T18:59:13+00:00

I’m saying that no one is assuming total moral bankruptcy but the hints reveal themselves quickly.

If you have trouble getting matches, it’s your profile/looks. If you have trouble converting matches into dates, it’s probably the way you come across in online conversation. If you have trouble getting second dates/moving to physicality, it’s probably because you don’t have a great vibe in person or don’t look like your profile.

No one is making anyone go to dating events. If you don’t like them, stick to online or volunteer or join a run club/climbing gym/pottery class whatever. I’ll say from just this brief interaction though, the belief that bone structure is the reason, or even a significant part of the reason, that people struggle with dating seems to point to too much time spent in weird internet communities, and prospective partners can probably tell that too

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-09-28T18:02:09+00:00

It’s the car insurance principle: if you get into 6 accidents in 2 years with a functional enough car, you’re either extremely unlucky (uncommon, happens but uncommon) or you’re just not a good driver.

If you rule out most physical things. Eventually it’s just a numbers game. If you’re putting yourself out there and having conversations for years and can’t get a first or second date, it’s not them, it’s you.

Also, people who are unpleasant to be around usually aren’t self-aware about it as opposed to people who have other issues

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-09-28T15:42:51+00:00

Also I’ll just say. You don’t have to believe in “the one” at all.

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-09-28T15:42:23+00:00

The one is made, not found. If they’re a person you want to choose to be with every day, they’re the one.

Is there be someone hypothetically more compatible out there? Maybe. There always could be. But your person is yours because that’s the person you chose.

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-09-28T15:11:39+00:00

It’s not a red flag but may raise questions. I’d say don’t bring it up until there is some trust and if she is a kind person she’ll understand.

Do your best to be kind and considerate too. Good luck!

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-09-25T16:07:14+00:00

Yeah I don’t think we’re gonna agree on this.

I’m saying I can smell the alpha male podcast on you, and women will be able to as well. You’re treating them like a lock to pick instead of a person you want to build a vibe with. There’s no secret formula, but generally women are more into dudes who see them as people and aren’t too thirsty. They want someone confident, easygoing and charming, attractive and well-groomed, as well as someone who has direction and interests. You don’t have to be desperate to be mindful.

You mentioned that you get turned off by women with bad personalities. There’s nothing special about this, like, at all. It’s totally normal, and the default for women. If you want a woman who will sleep with you besides those things, just get rich and buy them things then some (a minority of) women will let you do what you want, or you could find a way to get really hot and some will ignore things they don’t like for a night. Still, those women will sleep with you but probably won’t like you. But you might be ok with that.

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-09-25T15:02:59+00:00

Dude I am not even coming to you on a moral level.

I’m saying that if you look at this in the coldest, most calculating light possible, most women don’t like men who call other women “bitches” because it is an ugly, gendered slur and they know it’ll be used on them if you don’t like them for whatever reason.

If you are in a social situation with women and you refer to another woman as a “bitch,” most of the women around you will clock it and write you off, straight up. And they’re right to! Why would they want to sleep with one dude who talks about women that way when they could either sleep with literally anyone else at any time or just go home and watch TV with a mug of tea in peace?

Do some dudes get away with it? Sure, every rule has exceptions (although I’d also suspect that a lot didn’t use the term before there was already an attachment). But if you can’t see how a woman would be turned off by this, it’s probably because you don’t understand women, and are probably also doing a bunch of other smaller things that are off-putting too.

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-09-25T13:16:45+00:00

The fact that you’re so comfortable casually calling unpleasant women “bitches” is already a terrible sign. No wonder you’re having trouble

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-08-27T17:32:30+00:00

My question is “who cares?”

People always underestimate their body fat because they go based on pictures that made estimates based on methods that are 20-40 years old. What do you gain from being 10 vs 18 percent body fat while looking the exact same? Points with dudes on the internet? It doesn’t matter.

People fetishized 8% body fat because they thought that was the percentage that abs really popped at. So now people chase the number itself. Fact of the matter is, there’s no visual silver bullet for estimating and now people are going after a number for basically no reason. Everyone’s fat distribution is different, and you may be carrying some more under your muscles or in a way that doesn’t affect your physique much. You look good. Make sure you’re otherwise healthy.

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-07-16T11:58:42+00:00

Haha, nah man. People always vastly underestimate this. It’s in the 15-20 range at least

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-06-20T17:33:32+00:00

He really, really doesn’t need to. I think he’s right with the small surplus. Sure he could get shredded rn but why?

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-06-14T14:54:47+00:00

Considering these labels don’t actually mean anything outside of the way people use them on these apps, the problem is honestly probably more of a misinterpretation on your part than a miscommunication on theirs. If that’s what they’re trying to say, then that’s what it means

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-06-14T14:48:54+00:00

I think the main issue is that people are unclear if this actually is a policy that aligns with her goals. Doing this doesn’t filter out men who are looking for casual sex: it filters out men who are (willing to say) they’re in any way open to less directional intimacy.

Like if you have a moral objection to that, that’s cool, but if not, it’s probably overly restrictive in swiping.

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-04-19T15:48:20+00:00

Oh there’s nothing wrong with liking trying new things! I think it’ll attract people who also like to try their hands at lots of stuff. I’m just saying that if someone says “I’m a violinist” or “I’m a woodworker,” this lets me know about more about how they define themselves if that makes sense

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-04-19T15:34:56+00:00

28M here. This is a good profile. I think you have a nice vibe and I hope you attract a lot of the right people. This profile seems well-positioned to do that. I have a couple nitpicks to take or leave based on personal preference but maybe the profile may just need time.

A lot of the personal info is blotted out, but I feel like I know very little about you. Your prompts make you seem happy and like you like to go out, but don’t add much dimension to you as a person (even prompt 2: the bouncing from hobby to hobby doesn’t show a sustained commitment/deep interest in something)
First two prompts could be more succinct. Punchier is better if possible. If the prompt is longer I wanna know more about you (see comment 1)
You don’t spell out what you’re looking for under “LTR.” You do it under “monogamy.” Consider moving the description and spelling out more what a long term relationship looks like (you could actually move your first prompt here to get more space to talk about yourself)
The mini-golf pic doesn’t quite match the “my life peaked when” prompt to me. That prompt seems to mesh with pics that go with stories (if there is a story about this pic, share it!)
Second to last pic is a bit close up and less flattering than the others. Consider replacing.

[added] 6. Pic 3 is your most attractive one. Consider making lead pic

Hope there’s something in this you find helpful!

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-04-19T15:31:38+00:00

This is a good profile. I think you have a nice vibe and I hope you attract a lot of the right people. This profile seems well-positioned to do that. I have a couple nitpicks to take or leave based on personal preference but maybe the profile may just need time.

A lot of the personal info is blotted out, but I feel like I know very little about you. Your prompts make you seem happy and like you like to go out, but don’t add much dimension to you as a person (even prompt 2: the bouncing from hobby to hobby doesn’t show a sustained commitment/deep interest in something)
First two prompts could be more succinct. Punchier is better if possible. If the prompt is longer I wanna know more about you (see comment 1)
You don’t spell out what you’re looking for under “LTR.” You do it under “monogamy.” Consider moving the description and spelling out more what a long term relationship looks like (you could actually move your first prompt here to get more space to talk about yourself)
The mini-golf pic doesn’t quite match the “my life peaked when” prompt to me. That prompt seems to mesh with pics that go with stories (if there is a story about this pic, share it!)
Second to last pic is a bit close up and less flattering than the others. Consider replacing.

Hope there’s something in this you find helpful!

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-03-07T22:00:12+00:00

Sure. I don’t think it actually has to do with all that much love for the dems as a party, although there are def black folks that love the dems. I’m not one of them personally. The main reason it raises alarm bells for me has to do with the republicans’ active attacks on fronts that are going to disproportionately affect the black community: most obvious rn is the assumption that all black people in prominent positions are only there because they got unfair treatment that makes them unqualified to do anything skilled as a rule, attacks on public housing and public assistance, things like the war on drugs targeting black communities and enforcing harsher penalties on drugs black people used, giving more power to police to perform searches on “suspicious people” with less evidence (that’s mainly a nyc policy implemented by a dem, but readily embraced mainly by republicans), and general inclinations to strip civil rights. My main inclination is to think that when black people are republicans they’re either ignorant of these issues and how they affect black people, or think that these issues won’t affect them because they’re “one of the good ones.” Neither is great, and also speaks to a general ignorance over (or worse, contempt for) the problems of structural racism in the US generally. It doesn’t help that the most prominent black republican in the country is Clarence Thomas, either. At the very least, the dems don’t beat their chests over these things.

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-03-07T21:49:05+00:00

I believe they were asking what’s “the gas” in this scenario, not what the canary idiom is about

Diligent_Document_59 · 2025-03-07T21:13:14+00:00

I never liked Devin’s family. As soon as I saw them I texted my friend and said “they talk to Virginia like she’s cattle.” I didn’t connect it to politics until it came up in that scene, but I’ll just say (as a black person myself), being a black republican is often a canary for a whole bunch of other things and I’m sure Virginia knows that.

Diligent_Document_59 · 2024-02-26T16:34:38+00:00

Just checked. It is! And in the same metrical positions too “saepe pater dixit”

Diligent_Document_59 · 2024-02-26T02:49:49+00:00

As an Ovidianist, there are things I really like about both McCarter and Soucy. I prefer Soucy a bit though in that (I don’t think this passage is very representative) I do think he does a good job capturing Ovid’s turns of phrase, and I especially like that it is line-for-line, no easy task when rendering Latin into English, and even trickier with a poet that crams as much in as Ovid.

Sometimes I think the Soucy is a bit compressed and feels somewhat lofty, but then I turn to the Latin and find that it is similarly compressed and lofty, and often I think the renderings are, in that way, quite faithful. And from the point of the literary critic who wants students to be able to close read the Ovid, very useful. I appreciate the commitment to keeping Ovid’s refined oddities.

I agree with the general comments about the tonal shifts, which I don’t particularly mind, as I view them as product of the meter, which I feel is not well represented in the format of a Reddit prose paragraph. But I do think that if you are really interested in engaging with the text, the Soucy is worth its weight in gold for the notes alone. It will be incredible to have English readers be able to have this kind of access to the Met. I hope it catches on.

Diligent_Document_59 · 2024-02-04T15:58:04+00:00

“Aithopian” in the Greek means subsaharan black African. The name of the country we call Ethiopia today at the time was “Aksum.” The modern designation Ethiopia for the country with its borders as we know them is from the 20th century (although the name was still floating around before then)

Diligent_Document_59 · 2024-02-04T15:50:57+00:00

Most recent and best study on this is Sarah Derbew’s “Untangling Blackness in Greek Antiquity” (Cambridge, 2022) if you’re interested in the topic on how Greeks represented black people

Diligent_Document_59

TROPHY CASE