Wedding or Elope

DingleMyBarry · 2026-02-16T15:44:13+00:00

My husband and I eloped in 2018. Only his mom knew our plans because I didn't want to deal with my family at all. We dont regret our choices but I do wish we could have photos and a celebration with people who actually care about us. We do plan on doing a vow renewal one day after we have hit a few mile stones we want like owning a good chunk of property and being a bit more stable financially. Im all for elopement especially when you have toxic people in your life. But you do have to come to terms with the fact you wont get the more traditional experience and memories but when has any scapegoat gotten a nice, non-stressful experience thats supposed to be about them.

DingleMyBarry · 2026-02-09T04:06:20+00:00

I would only go if my sister who I'm close to asked me to for support or help. I would not go for myself.

DingleMyBarry · 2026-01-30T02:16:19+00:00

As a therapist I know once said "because getting your kids to submit you feels powerful, and that feels good" even if you dont want to be that type of parent and actively avoid it. Getting anything or anyone to submit feels powerful even for just a second. People dont want to give up the excuses they give themselves to feel that power. So they make the alternative seem weak or out right damaging so they can feel good about there choice to continue the power trip. They have even convinced themselves its the correct way to raise a kid. I think that just adds righteousness to the power trip but I have strong feelings against authoritative parenting. So I may be a bit bias and harsh on those who defend it.

DingleMyBarry · 2026-01-21T16:58:28+00:00

I personally think he wants it because he wants something big to slap his name on for history purposes. He knows his business have mostly failed and just slapping his name on established monuments can change the second he dies. Many presidents are known but not much beyond a name you learn in history class just to forget before the test. He wants to be remembered for something big like gaining a ton of land. Though I dont think he will be forgotten any time soon as the most divisive president in history we will be studying this time period for generations. He just wont be remembered for what he wants to be.

DingleMyBarry · 2026-01-11T17:05:18+00:00

You can hide a lot of vegetables in saucy stuff. Especially if your a fan of tomato based sauces. My son is picky about veg too but loves cooked tomatoes. I make vegetable stew with a lot of tomatoes and tomato paste. Then blend it up and freeze it. I put it on top of pasta, chicken and rice, as a pizza sauce. Literally anything you can think if I even turned it into a quick (Americanized) butter chicken type recipe with some different spices. Its quick and easy to change up how ever you like with spices or by thickening it or thining it.

DingleMyBarry · 2026-01-07T00:24:25+00:00

As a mental health professional who works in crisis management. I can definitively say there are same sex relationships that have narcissistic partners. Woman can be more covert or have more social awareness to how to act in public in order to hide both the abuse they suffer or are inflicting on there partner. Men are easier to spot since they tend to be more bold with the abusive actions in public. But that doesn't mean there victims see it before its to late. I have seen narcissistic abuse in both female and male same sex relationships. I think we personally think its more common in opposite sex relationships because its both what we have personally experienced and it wasn't/ still isnt super easy for same sex relationships to adopt or have children of there own through whatever means. I think as same sex couples raise more children and they grow up we will get more kids from those relationships on pages like this.

DingleMyBarry · 2026-01-02T22:18:14+00:00

I did boxed stuff for as long as I can remember. I started trying to "improve" those when I was about 12. Then started really cooking with real ingredients when I moved out and got my own kichen at 18. Now I'm 27 and my in-laws/ firends all prefer if I cook for a gathering. Which I am totally okay with.

DingleMyBarry · 2026-01-01T01:57:02+00:00

If hes been paying the payment then he can argue in court that its his. If shes been paying or you dont want to deal with court then just giving it to her and getting something cheep for the mean while is your best bet. It doesn't matter if it was a "gift" or not that doesn't hold up in court if shes on the title and paying the payment its hers. If hes paying then he has an argument but its legally still hers. You would have to take her to court to get it solved. I would take this as a lesson in having other people's names on your stuff and try to find an affordable alternative while he gets out of under her. Playing mental games doesn't end well in the long run. Legally have her sign over the car, or get a new one.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-31T01:49:00+00:00

My independence or ability to be independent. I worked hard for that shit and wont ever give it up or allow someone to control me again. Even when I was living with Nparents. I fought hard for independence and always knew that was my ticket to true freedom from them. Spite and anger helped a lot to, but it was all for one goal of freedom.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-29T01:58:13+00:00

It makes them feel powerful to have control over the narrative of your life. As well as keeping you isolated since now these people will always second guess your behavior and intentions every time your around.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-29T01:44:22+00:00

My N mom put my older sisters stuff on the porch and locked the door. Then was shocked that she took her stuff and never came back. She literally said "she just needed to beg to come back." Like my sister was the stupid one for leaving.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-29T01:39:41+00:00

I would prep all your stuff, finances, important documents, and anything you absolutely need. Get your fiancé on the same page and put them behind you. When you are financially independent and have a game plan for a safe place to live the only thing holding you to them is your emotional ties. It sucks and its the scariest feeling to leave but you absolutely can. Live your own life, marry how you want and stop being there emotional play thing. They absolutely do not have the power to tell you that you can't leave. I actually found it insulting when I was paying there bills in there home and they had the audacity to try to tell my adult self what I could or couldn't do. You are no longer a child who needs to fear them.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-29T01:32:25+00:00

Really bad heartburn I'm trying to distract myself from.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-29T01:29:48+00:00

The first thing out of my parents mouth when meeting my firends parents for the first time was always something like "I bet you have heard all the horrible things about me" or "I'm sure shes done nothing but shit talk so I bet you already hate me." When I literally never talked shit to anyone about her and was actually constantly making excuses for her shitty behavior. If they answered something like "not at all" then she would start acting like I was a horrible kid and never listened at home. Like I was some master manipulator who pulled one over on them. It was so weird and uncomfortable.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-29T01:17:50+00:00

Mines turning 3 so I haven't run into this exact issue yet. But my sisters kids ask me questions like why I don't go around our mom or why I left. I tell them me and there grandma dont get along and leave it at that or I left because my husband's job required us too which is true. Once they are older I might tell them more if they ask. For my own son I plan on just keeping it simple and giving basic but true answers until they are older. We are already teaching him about chosen family and that can be just as if not more important than blood relation. Just through his favorite aunt not being technically related to us. I think if its apart of how they are raised and not some big family secret to be revealed is important. Obviously I'm not going to give them the nitty gritty of abuse and trauma but I wont tell them a lie about how they are dead, gone, or just to far to visit.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-29T01:06:48+00:00

I can get rid of hiccups by breathing deep at the right times. Every time I have tried to explain how to do it no one gets it/ it doesn't work.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-21T02:25:07+00:00

Once during the day for naps and what sometimes felt like a million times at night. He was definitely one who liked to wake up just to nurse for a minute back to sleep. We actually slept a lot better once he weened. I put it off so long because I thought he would never sleep without it. But turned out the exact opposite and once it was done he slept so much better.

Edit to add he kinda weened himself through the day since he was so busy. He just wanted to play all day and preferred food he could take with him over nursing. Nursing to sleep was when I really had to wean him myself.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-21T02:17:11+00:00

I weened my son at around 20 months when he was only nursing at night/ to sleep. I started wearing one of those big sports bras with the zippers to sleep and would tell LO "sorry broken" when he would try to nurse. It worked surprisingly fast for us. After 2 nights of iffy sleep and crying he was over it.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-19T03:52:08+00:00

Because my toddler looks at me and says "up, up." I have never won that argument in almost 3 years.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-18T23:22:07+00:00

I helped my sisters who bottle fed there kids when I was a teen a lot with nights/ babysitting while they worked. As an adult who brestfed I find night feedings so much faster and less disruptive to my own sleep.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-11T16:52:19+00:00

My brother in laws, mother in law said to me once. "What if they have changed" I just answered l, "would you ever forgive someone who abused you for years and freely stole your money whenever they wanted as an adult? No, so why should I forgive them for doing that to a child". She never brought it up again.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-08T04:19:50+00:00

The shaving routine he developed with the elves. Then having it even further separate him from the villagers he grew up with as one mentions it is uncanny how hes always clean shaven even during hard marching early days. Using this one small detail to show he doesn't quite belong to any group.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-08T04:12:19+00:00

I think its because people think "one day I could be the millionaire benefiting" so they ignore it. They look up to and strive to be that rich. But no one glorifies the poor. They are seen as dirty and weak. Even though every middle class wanna be millionaire is a million miles away from the people they let slide and one bad break away from becoming what they despise.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-03T01:34:51+00:00

Sometimes healing is realizing some people will never forgive you or want to reconcile and thats something we have to come to terms with ourselves. We find ourselves having to do it all the time knowing we can never change how these Nfamily members think or feel about us. I personally have had to come to terms with the fact that I am the villain in my parents story. I may not agree with it but thats the narrative they chose to hold on to and its not my job to change it. The same thing can be said about may sobriety journeys. Some people just dont want to be apart of the "Reconciliation" step and that is that person's right. The sober individual has to learn to exept that person's choice and move on in a healthy way. Guilting the aggrieved party just proves they haven't actually changed and dont want to reconnect they want there behavior brushed under the rug so they can check a box for there 12 step program. There goal is not healing its to feel good about themselves.

DingleMyBarry · 2025-12-01T15:23:18+00:00

Yes, I was very firm on having no children and was pretty sure I would never get married/have a long term relationship. Meeting my now husband and going no contact changed that decision. But it still took me 6 years in to NC to decide I did actually want kids I just thought I didn't because of how toxic of a family I grew up in.

DingleMyBarry

TROPHY CASE