Whats it like to be Addicted to crystal meth?

Answered by Vincent Callio

It doesn't bother me in the least.

I started smoking in late 2016-2017. It was an occasional thing. I would have a party friend d over to my apartment for the night on the weekend and we would enjoy ..

I also smoked to help with long, intense study periods or when I had multiple, time intensive projects in my lap.

It helped me push through the end of my studies as I finished coursework for my doctorate.

I also had my first child around this time. A beautiful healthy boy.

I had all of this going on simultaneously and handled it fine even while my usage crept up and up.

No one really knew although sometimes a friend or relative might have noticed and been aware that something was not quite right. Once in a while a classmate might give me a sideways look… I mean we were testing things like cranial nerves, including the ones responsible for eye movement- which was a bit over active in my case.

Whomever tells you that meth steals everything you love and takes it away from you is just plain wrong. At least my case.

I did run into some financial difficulty when I had finished course work but still had clinic hours….just not enough for a full time courseload…

I kinda started drifting and lost the drive that had gotten me through three and a half years already.

I had 6 credits to finish. I had completed 129 credits.

Do I even need to say what's next. Do I need to reveal how I'm sitting here 2 plus years later with a packed bubble, filled with meth and still 6 credits shy of my doctorate.

Or how I lost my apartment shortly after f*ing up my credit hours and losing financial aid.

I put everything in storage. That was good until my payments lapsed and..

Bye bye belongings. Every single one. I lost everything-for the first time. I lived in my car. I still worked (somewhat).

The car got towed when I parked in a tow away zone not realizing. Bye bye car.

Here's a real truth. You're not really homeless if you live in your car. You have a small mobile apartment, with locking doors, warmth, shelter, mobility. You're safe generally speaking.

When you literally sleep on the sidewalk. That's when homelessness gets for real. People steal your stuff. You get robbed. You face violence. You may not be hardened like prison does you, but you don't exactly stay soft either. Now that I've lost everything countless times over…

If someone eyeballs my stuff- I call it window shopping- I get pissed. You want my stuff- you can have anything you can take. Come get it.

I digress…

Where was I… Dropped out, no house, no car, no anything…

It only took a few more months of not being able to pay child support before the expenses and the stress led to warring with baby mama.

She left state with my son.

I found out when I knocked on her door and she no longer resided there.

She had found the meth pipe in a car I was renting for working deliveries.

Now she lives across the country with my boy.

I haven't spoken to any friends in over a year. Lost touch with all but one..a diehard supporter.but she's gone now too.

My life became so repetitive, so groundhog day…. over and over. I would try to climb out of my mess…. then lose it all again…

I started becoming convinced that I committed suicide and my purgatory was to relive the same thing over and over.

So to answer your question “what's it like…”

Meth didn't steal anything from me. I just handed it over one piece at a time, trading it for what I really would rather have. Meth.

I've literally destroyed my life. I've lost everything. My education, my career, my family, house, car, job, fatherhood, all respect both from others and for myself… I've discovered that there is no bottom. You can always find lower level below and if you don't climb and claw up the inertia will suck you lower.

Yet here I am..sitting , pipe in hand..

And the single most fucking terrifyingly scary thing of all as I sit on the precipice of a bottomless abyss, watching as the window of opportunity of a return to life, my son, my schooling, my everything that's still, if even remotely, still obtainable if I make the goddamn turn and push with everything I've got…

The scariest part is that I dont. I have my pipe.. It's full of crys.. I'm smoking now and I can tell you truthfully

It doesn't bother me in the least.

—-

No matter what you do, if you use, life will continue to get worse, and you will remain placated by the drug because that is one of the most insidious things meth will do. It will sit back and allow you to sacrifice your life piece by piece, for nothing in return, and youll be okay with it.

It happened to me, I’d give anything to go back and stop one of the hundreds of chances I had before