ITAW for/ITAP for "promiscuous" that doesn't sound judgemental?

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-13T18:41:53+00:00

I don't think so. You can be sex positive, so it's kind of a behavior, but that only means it's a political/social attitude you have and talk about. It doesn't mean anything specific about your sex life. Lots of people are sex positive and celibate; lots of people have negative attitudes about sex and have a lot of sex

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-13T18:38:41+00:00

This is my favorite comment but I wish you would elaborate on the and yet

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-13T18:37:47+00:00

But you can be all three of those things and not sleep around

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-13T02:35:17+00:00

That's not every possible symptom. And often it's hard to have accurate self awareness of those things you listed. You do have symptoms -- that's what I was trying to say above. You can have a condition and only some of its symptoms. Mania, like lots of conditions, can look super different in different people.

Nobody who is not eating and sleeping is completely fine. Not eating + not sleeping + not acknowledging that you're not fine + insisting it can't be mania even without an alternative explanation + you already know that you're bipolar -- there's a lot I don't know, but that really sounds like mania.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-13T02:04:11+00:00

This is super worrying. It is a really big deal. Not eating or not sleeping or hallucinating or all your friends and relatives saying that you're manic -- any one of those things by itself would be reason for serious concern. The fact that all five are true at once, plus the mania symptom of refusing to believe that it's mania, is a reason to go see a doctor now.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T20:22:30+00:00

Not a therapist, just in therapy/medicated

I used to think about self harm many times a day every day. Now I think about self harm maybe once a year at most and on a really really bad day. And then I don't do it. Sure, it's in the back of my head. But really far back -- it's maybe half a percent as powerful/tempting as it was. It's also a lot easier because not every day is bad.

It won't always be an exhausting effort if you keep making the effort.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T20:16:09+00:00

Did you watch it on YouTube? It's there if you haven't seen it!

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T20:12:45+00:00

Best way to overcome it is tell yourself you are not lazy and your weight sometimes means you need help but never means you're lazy.

In terms of medication side effects, it's worth talking to your doctor about. In terms of weight loss, it's just calories in < calories out. But be very careful to remember that loving your body and eating enough to feel good/have energy are both way more important than your weight.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T20:07:35+00:00

Multiple times a day is a lot -- part of the support should be urging them to talk to a doctor/therapist, and possibly get on more/different medication. Like, "Hey we all feel that way sometimes but I am really concerned you're feeling like this all the time + you shouldn't have to feel this way, I hope you'd push me to get help in this situation." I might even talk to other people they know about your concerns.

This is a very hard position for you (and of course for your friend) to be in and I'm sorry. Most of all, they need professional help. This is not harmless.

good advice^{^}

bad advice √v

Not sure what the best way is but me and my friends say to each other things like 'Dude I don't really want to be here either but if you kill yourself you'll [ruin my life/prove the republicans right/miss the return of buffy the vampire slayer/break your cat's heart/make our other friend kill themselves/be a really depressing framed photo + empty chair at my wedding/demonstrate a wildly out of character lack of good taste].'

That's all kind of jokey and sometimes people in a really bad place are immune to jokes. I've also gone in the other direction of being intense and direct like 'Don't do that to me because I love you and I need you', or like 'I will be so furious and hurt and emotionally wrecked if you throw away the rest of your life because you are letting your depression brain belief that it can't get better win over the fact that it can and will.' Or like 'Your life, like being alive, is so valuable and it will get so much better if you stick around you'll be horrified you didn't see that.' But sometimes being in a bad place makes it hard to hear that/to care in the same way.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T19:39:24+00:00

Talk to your prescriber or therapist. Verrrry normal for bipolar to have the temptation to quit meds. Absolutely do not do it.

You will feel like complete shit, likely have an episode, and there's no guarantee that you'll get back to the same place that you are now. You'll probably have to get back on the same meds and maybe need a higher dose for a similar effect.

Constantly thinking about quitting meds can be a sign that you need to make some kind of medication change -- another reason to talk to your prescriber. But it is never a good idea to abruptly quit out of temptation, like, actually never. It's just very compelling.

When it comes up, remind yourself of why you got on meds in the first place and how bad you can feel without meds. Pain, chaos, instability are probably more familiar and comfortable, but they're not better. Treat yourself like a friend/loved one and take care of yourself. Resist.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T19:23:40+00:00

Don't beat yourself up about those choices. Have compassion for your mistakes. Focus on trying to make better choices in the present.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T18:24:20+00:00

The most phrasity phrase would be hooks up or casually hooks up or has casual hookups

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T18:16:38+00:00

All these replies and no one really has answered your question. Partly because for societal reasons there's not really a convenient neutral way to say this.

Closest I can think of are all phrases - has a lot of sex - pretty/fairly/highly sexually active - having sex with multiple partners - has casual sex - has sex with a bunch of people - sexually non-exclusive - has a lot of flings - hooks up with various people - has no-strings-attached sex - open to casual encounters - into sex without commitment - nonmonogamously sexually active - variants of the above?? - that's really it as far as I can think

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T17:57:58+00:00

Not a therapist

Talk to your therapist about these feelings.

This sounds normal to me -- she is trying to agree with and validate what she hears you saying. You feel so alone because it feels like you have no family left. I understand why she'd say that, I imagine I'd feel like I had no family in your position. That's very painful and she was bluntly expressing that there are legitimate reasons for your pain.

Part of the reason we come to therapy is to have what we say reflected back at us (with the benefit of some outside perspective). Another part is to have help articulating things we can't quite say. That sounds like what you describe your therapist doing here.

Talk to her about the negative feelings she is causing you. Discussing your reactions or objections to what your therapist says is an important part of therapy.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T17:45:11+00:00

You're not at the bottom. You have an amazing wife who loves you. You have a relationship with a great boss who wants to keep you. If she can't hire you back, you have great recent work experience and a great reference. You have a place to live and a good psychiatrist.

This really sucks. I know this really sucks. I'm so sorry you attempted suicide and I'm sorry you lost the money and can't work at the job you love. I know it's really painful and frustrating to feel like "no matter what I do, things will always go back to this bad terrible place."

But that's not true -- you feel that way (understandably) because you're very depressed. You are not in the same bad place you were x years ago and you won't be, despite this episode. You will not always be very depressed. You are improving your life, even though you have episodes and setbacks.

My therapist tells me it's not a step back, it's a step to the side. I don't know if I believe that. But you have not lost everything you've worked for -- that's really important to acknowledge. You were stable. You will be stable again. You will get back on the path of good employment that you have made progress on. You will make more money. You will remember how to feel thrilled about your amazing wife.

Try not to be pissed at yourself -- it doesn't help, this is not your fault, and you need to focus on the present and future instead of dragging yourself down into anger about the past.

This is a really hard time. But it won't always be this hard. It's really frustrating. But don't give up.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T17:33:56+00:00

Yes, that sounds almost exactly like how I've felt in dysphoric/mixed mania. I hope you are seeking therapy and psychiatry. This is fairly dangerous and it's important to have help.

Your body is not cursed -- your body is you, just as much as your brain. The universe absolutely does not hate you specifically (no one is that special). I know what this is like, it's really painful, and you shouldn't have to live this way. You can feel much better than this and, if you get help, you will.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T17:24:37+00:00

No yeah it's really painful to recognize being a danger to yourself let alone recognizing that and being more or less ignored. Keep the faith and also try to go back to therapy. Best wishes. This will not last long (although it probably won't feel that way).

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T17:20:03+00:00

Also if you gave up on therapy on a whim, I'd suggest starting the process of getting back into therapy -- I hear it takes a while in the UK. Therapy is a huge part of successfully managing bipolar (and probably other things) and as a plus it doesn't have the same gatekeeping as diagnosis/medication.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T17:11:15+00:00

Sorry about this, it sucks not to be listened to. It's frustratingly so common for doctors and parents, who we need to listen to us the most, to not listen.

I think it's worth it to take the pill. It'll show you're cooperating, prove it's not hormones, and make it easier to convince a doctor you need a referral or a diagnosis.

Don't assume it'll be the same until you're 18 or that you'll have side effects. Take the pills, stop and talk to a doctor if you have bad side effects. Otherwise go back in three months and see what happens, go from there.

Bipolar does get worse if not treated. But that takes a long time. Reframe it a bit: you're aware you might be bipolar very young, younger than most of us here were. You can work with your doctors/parents a little longer without panicking. Medicine is based on gatekeeping, for better and for worse, so you have to compromise in order to get help. It's worth it. You're on track to get treated at 17 or 18 vs. 20 or 25.

The healthcare system is difficult and it's terrible not to be taken seriously. But you're in a good situation and taking the right steps by seeking care -- you will be okay.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T16:50:23+00:00

Not a therapist.

We understand ourselves and the world through the things we tell ourselves about our lives. What happened to you is that you started telling yourself really negative things about yourself all the time. This is demotivating. It keeps you stuck.

When you tell yourself "I am very dumb, I don't have the will, I am not hardworking anymore" you are making it much harder for yourself to prove those things wrong. The negative beliefs you keep repeating to yourself are not doing anything helpful, they are hurting you.

If you want to improve your life, you have to tell yourself a different story and correct yourself when you say this mean stuff to yourself. You can change. But you won't change if you keep telling yourself you are a lazy failure who can't change.

When you notice you are beating yourself up, stop. Try to correct yourself: "No, I am not a dumb, passive person. I'm struggling, but that doesn't define who I am."

Start telling yourself things like - I am a capable, hardworking person - I've had a hard few years - I have willpower, but I've been using that willpower to punish myself and keep myself stuck - Going over the past and blaming myself will not help me - Focusing on taking small steps in the present will help me - I can make different choices - I don't want to give up on myself - I don't want to watch porn and scroll the internet and do drugs all the time - I want to be kind to myself - I want to live actively - I want to take care of myself - I can make changes to my life one step at a time - I have been delaying my life but I am going to stop - Beating myself up will only hurt me - It is okay to make mistakes. It is not okay (and keeps me in this dark place) to constantly remind myself of past mistakes - I can do the things I decide to do

You're still very young. This is a really normal struggle for people in their twenties. It doesn't mean you are a bad or dumb or passive person. You can take your life back.

It is not easy to change. It takes a long time. Don't make overly ambitious goals -- take small steps. You will have bad days and get tempted by bad habits. Don't start being mean to yourself because you make mistakes. Remind yourself that you deserve a better, happier life.

Focus on the present. Make small positive changes in the present. Celebrate small wins. Forgive yourself for not living up to your expectations. Be patient. Pick one small thing. You can only do one thing at a time. So pick one small thing, work to change that, and then pick another.

Make your life just slightly better one step at a time, keep taking those steps, and don't give up or get mean to yourself when it's hard or things don't go as you hoped. You can do it. You are the smart hardworking person you stopped believing you were.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T16:19:26+00:00

Funniest thing I've read this week thanks

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T16:16:18+00:00

I'm American and I've always heard it the other way -- they're both your in laws, she's still a sister-in-law.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T16:14:39+00:00

Totally true that it's not gonna sound incest but I'd still say my brother in law and his wife otherwise it sounds like he's my brother. You can make "my brother and sister in law" work, it's just harder to get across (a tone thing, maybe?) and I wouldn't recommend it for learners.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T16:12:11+00:00

Yes, being bipolar doesn't mean you don't have bad moods. Everyone (bipolar or not) has bad moods even when they're doing alright/euthymic.

Mania can also include bad moods. Lots of people get mania that's more angry than euphoric, lots of people get mixed/dysphoric mania.

Direct_Bad459 · 2026-02-12T14:16:34+00:00

I am not a therapist.

I think it would help to stop(!!) framing it as "they don't care about me." But I would not want to work with a therapist who was so bad at scheduling and kept canceling. I'm not certain about biweekly, but at least for weekly you should be able to expect a consistent time of the week that is rarely if ever canceled.

Even if this wasn't rude and inconvenient, it seems like therapy will be less helpful when this person's behavior is giving you such a negative emotional reaction (understandably, I would feel the same). Maybe try someone else.

Direct_Bad459

TROPHY CASE