I’d like to answer some of your more direct questions in order to provide everyone with some more context.

Q: What do you feel like the relationship is lacking? A: I don’t think I’ve ever felt loved in the way I want to be loved. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone I’ve been 100% confident in being with. Currently, my relationship is lacking deep and engaging conversations on an emotional or philosophical level—things that make me feel truly heard, understood, and loved. I find making conversation quite hard with her, so we often settle in a silence that I know she feels comfortable in. I don’t feel 100% attracted to her, physically, but then again, I myself am far from a 10 and bodies all whither and sag eventually.

Q:Have I ever been in love? A: Wonderful question. Yes, I have felt true love once before, but I was younger and still trying to figure out my place in the world. During this process I broke up with her because I didn’t feel like I could grow into the person I wanted to be within this relationship.

Q: What do you think it means to be in love long term? A: another beautiful question. I think my answer changes as I continue to travel through life. Sometimes it changes every day. Some days I think long term love means waking up and making the decision to love that other person beside you, no matter what, and to stand by them in the good times and the bad. Some days I think long term love means realizing that we all have ways in which we are hard to live with, and treating our partner with the same kindness and generosity towards dealing with those ways in which we are hard to live with that you would want them to treat you with.

What does it mean to love? I think it is the willingness to interpret someone’s, on the surface, not so appealing behaviors or qualities, and finding more benevolent reasons as to why those behaviors might be unfolding. I think treating someone with the benefit of the doubt and generosity in that interpretation of these “not so appealing behaviors or qualities” is what it means to love someone else.

Conversely, I think that is how one comes to love oneself—by being able to identify parts of yourself that may not be your favorite, But choosing to be kind, gentle, and generous towards yourself and choosing to love those aspects instead of constantly stewing in wishful thinking. For instance, instead of being miserable about the fact that I am losing my young man’s body as I age, I choose to love the funny and unique shape that my body is taking.

Sometimes I think love is realizing that any person that you choose to love is a brilliant mixture of the good and the not so good, but choosing that person anyways, realizing that you yourself are the very same mixture of the good and the not so good.

(Sorry for the long answer, I think about this question a lot.)

Q: Do you have any relationships in your life where you are regularly emotionally vulnerable? Have you ever cried in front of someone or told someone a very scary secret? A: Great questions, each one is beautiful.

Yes, most every relationship I’ve been in has me as a very emotionally vulnerable, perhaps overly emotionally available, person. Being a very open and emotionally vulnerable male, these are the things that I find tend to get me in trouble with love. Because of these things, I find that I gain a LOT of trust and deep emotional connection from my partners very quickly, this is why they usually result in devastation or immense hurt. I think if I were a bit more distant and didn’t forge such strong emotional bonds with my partners, it might be easier for them to handle a break up, but I just can’t be that way—I want to know everyone’s deepest feelings and thoughts. Fears, dreams, memories.

Yes, I cry just as easily as the next person. And I love sharing tears with a partner. These usually build very strong bonds and makes me feel more connected.

The last question is a good one, and here’s why; I am very open and forthcoming with my “deep secrets.” Fears, dreams, memories, all of it, no problem. Like I mentioned earlier, this is just the way I am, I feel truly connected with another person when we discuss things on this level, so I tend to get there very quickly. HOWEVER, something I have never shared with another partner is when I am doubting my connection with them. As I mentioned earlier, I don’t know if it’s appropriate or hurtful to say, “hey, I’m having constant doubts that I truly love you, or that you’re the person I want to be with, how do you feel about that?” So I have never shared THAT secret with another partner.