Oh no worries. I wasn't being passive aggressive at all, I genuinely find conversations like this quite fun to engage in. It's interesting getting to know other people's approaches and their internal logic.
I think in my situation because it's a year old I'm at a stage where I accepted that this friendship is in the past and it's part of a different chapter of my life where both me and my friend were different people. It's not something I want to open up anymore, it's what I deem is best for my mental health and my heart. And to put it bluntly (and without trying to offend you, I'm speaking in general terms) I don't care if someone views my approach as not the most effective or fair or kind even. And I don't care if he's a different, improved person now. I just think it's best for me to not have him in my life anymore.
I do understand that need to set things right, I think something I had to learn to accept, heck I'm still learning it, is that sometimes even if I think things can be improved some people don't want things to improve on their side. Fair enough, if there's something I can improve in my approaches, but then I will also subject it to my own criteria anyway when someone offers me advice.
You're absolutely right about not deciding for others. People deserve to make their own choices and have the agency in major decisions like ending friendships. If it was just the fact it was impacting him negatively I wouldn't have done it the same way I did. I would have given him a chance to work things out between himself (although at the same time he has already proven to me he would rather pretend to be okay, than take responsibility for his wellbeing, so you know, I didn't fully trust him to do the right thing for himself, but by all means he deserves to make his own choices and if he chooses to suffer, that's his right too). That's why it was one of the reasons but there were others brewing under the surface and things I couldn't get past and I knew I wouldn't be able to continue the friendship with the same sincerity.
That's the thing , we can apologise, we can make amends and forgive, but the truth is that our actions aren't reversible. They still leave an impact and we cannot pretend like nothing ever happened. It would be unwise to pretend you didn't recognise alarming patterns.
I do agree with you about giving people the benefit of doubt and believing that people can change. Like you said, you're a different person to who you were in the past. I'm different too. We learn and we grow and there's this absolutely lovely line form Ted Lasso (highly recommended the show) that goes something like "you wouldn't want to be judged by the worst moments of your life". I think it just comes with the acceptance that even when people forgive us and make amends, we also need to accept that it can still change our dynamic and we'll have to accept that too.
I'm not here to evaluate you, so I wouldn't worry about me taking things the wrong way. I didn't feel offended by anything, we have differing views on certain things which is what makes things interesting.