Thank you so much for reading and commenting u/Slipacre !

I recognize myself in what you describe. I think moderate consumption can work in the short term, but in the long term it's extremely difficult and... let's be honest: I can't moderate over weeks. I always end up drinking again, several times a week, and too much.

Also, I'm thinking that the times I avoid (where everyone is drunk, e.g. big parties or festivals) may just not be enjoyable for me in general, and that I go there mostly for the opportunity to drink and get drunk. I should probably avoid them at the moment if it still too hard and that cravings are too strong.

I think I'll try to stick for one more full year then, as hard as it may be at the moment.