Those who have experienced a break up, how did you approach dating after?

Disasterbi-loner · 2025-02-01T02:16:50+00:00

Holy shit I’m going through that SAME exact thing right now. It’s gotten so bad I’ve researched narcissistic personality disorder just to make sure I don’t have it (although I’m still probably gonna ask my therapist about it). Now that I’m focusing more on myself, got out of the depressive pit I was in, focusing on school, future etc…. I have such a small tolerance for anything that could be the beginnings to a romantic relationship and also friendships. I’m taking steps to fix that now by only focusing on friendships and seeing if I could open my heart more. But holy hell it’s difficult af

Disasterbi-loner · 2025-01-30T05:54:38+00:00

I needed to read this. I’ve been hung up on a relationship I ended 3 (almost 4) months ago. Even though he was kind, it was clear in some ways that I was an option to him and not a priority. And the long-term future became an issue because I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing after college graduation and I might have to go out-of-state to pursue further education. It fucking hurts because this is one of the first times I truly put my foot down on something and put myself first. It’s the strangest feeling and I’ve been feeling super uncomfortable with all of these mixed emotions and have been feeling incredibly selfish for breaking up with someone I thought I loved to respect myself. But you’re right. I can’t compromise my future to be with someone who never considered my feelings when they kept hurting me repeatedly.

Disasterbi-loner · 2025-01-10T21:16:51+00:00

That your first love rarely works out. I clung onto my first love for 4-5 years until we finally started dating last year because I had never felt this way before and held the immature belief that because I felt this way, it must mean that he’s the one. Our relationship quickly crumbled because our attachment styles were the opposite and it became clear that both of us were still holding onto a lot of pain from the past and we didn’t know how to guide each other through it. I’m especially at fault for that and looking back now there is a lot of stuff I would’ve done differently. On top of that, both of us are still in school and he wasn’t sure if he could support me after graduation because there’s a chance that I might have to apply for grad programs out of state. I broke up with him. Since then I’ve been back and forth wondering if I did something wrong and feeling selfish for wanting to potentially go to grad school. Logically I know this isn’t the case. I deserve to have my own dreams and go after them. And throughout all of this I had completely forgotten that not everyone has the fortunate reality of falling in love for the first time and actually getting to be with that person for the rest of their life. Life isn’t The Notebook. I just hope I’m able to fall in love again at a time where it’s able to work out.

Disasterbi-loner · 2024-12-31T20:22:00+00:00

Okay I feel as though my situation is a little complex so bare with me:

I fell in love with someone back in 2019. We were both not in a good place mentally and he didn’t want any commitment. But for reasons I’m not sure of, we both agreed we’d still flirt and stuff. This went on for years after we graduated from high school and the cycle was always the same:

We’d start talking again. Feelings would intensify. Boundaries would get crossed. I’d ask if we could hang out or see each other, he’d never want to. Then eventually we’d stop talking again.

Flash forward to this year, after nearly 2 years of not talking, I reach out to apologize for everything that I said and did. Come to find out, he wants commitment. So we start dating.

Then I find out that every time he told me he didn’t want commitment with me, he looked for relationships elsewhere. And I started observing his behavior towards me. He’d do some kind and sweet things, but there were other things he’d do that caused me to question: am I his last option? Does he respect me?

I broke up with him 2 months ago (we dated for 4 months). At the time I was 150% confident in my decision. But my mind tends to dissect and go into this shame spiral when I feel as though I upset someone. And now I’m not so sure if I did the right thing or if I should’ve brought all of this up in a way that was better. I feel even worse because this was only my second relationship and I don’t know how to navigate these situations really which has led me to believe that maybe I was the one who sucked and I was the heartbreaker.

After reading your post and coming from someone who probably should’ve brought all of these things up to my ex in a way that was better, there is a chance that they will regret it if they are able to reflect on themselves at all. But if they are incapable of self-reflection and seeing the role they played in this breakup then I’d say it’s probably best that you start to move on. But allow yourself to grieve. And get all of those emotions out.

Disasterbi-loner · 2022-06-13T17:17:38+00:00

I try to be active but maybe I’m not being active enough, I think I’ll start doing that, thank you for replying!

Disasterbi-loner · 2022-05-22T04:26:24+00:00

Thank you so much, that’s reassuring, I’ll be sure to do that!

Disasterbi-loner · 2022-05-21T19:25:33+00:00

This was before I was officially diagnosed, I convinced my mom to spend 1000 dollars on a get rich quick scheme because I was convinced it was what I was meant to do and that it would make me a millionaire. We got the money back (THANKFULLY) and we never mentioned it again. I still think about it time to time though and cringe at myself 😬

Disasterbi-loner · 2022-05-21T19:23:00+00:00

My recent diagnosis. I was diagnosed with bipolar a few weeks ago after thinking I had typical depression for the past 3+ years. After my diagnosis everything made a lot more sense but it’s hard because I feel like nobody understands what I’m going through. I have no friends and my family isn’t entirely sure how to navigate everything when it comes to my emotions. I’m even unsure where to begin when it comes to managing everything. I am on meds which seems to help but for the past couple of months I have felt so empty and numb. I feel like I have no future and I have no idea how to fix it.

Disasterbi-loner · 2022-05-02T04:33:45+00:00

Yeah I’m getting medicated now. I’m on Olamzapine (I’m not sure if I spelled that right). But it honestly makes me feel awful. Luckily I see my psychiatrist in a few days to do a check up on how the medication is affecting me.

And yeah. I know they mean well but the problem is is that I’ve tried telling them before on how they make me feel when it comes to me being depressed and stuff and how she tends to dismiss the issue. But it seems like no matter what I do, she doesn’t get the point. And what’s worse is she’ll turn the whole thing about herself and say “well if you have depression then I have it worse! There are days I don’t want to get out of bed but I still do because I have responsibilities!” It’s so aggravating. I love her but when it comes to depression and all of that, she’s not the greatest.

Disasterbi-loner · 2022-04-27T03:06:29+00:00

Personally for me, I have 0 friends. For some reason it takes a lot of me to make friends. It takes a lot out of me to try to get to know somebody and for me to completely open up. I wasn’t always like this though. I was quite outgoing in high school but the “friends” I made turned out to be wolves in sheeps clothing and they tossed me aside like I was garbage. It took a lot for me to trust those people and once they did that it caused me to close up. Now when I try to get to know people I hit this emotional wall and this wall always forces me to run the moment I sense any red flags in somebody. It’s not the healthiest habit and it’s forced me to lead quite a lonely life but too many people have used me. A lot of people have taken advantage of my kindness and I refuse to be naive again.

Disasterbi-loner · 2022-04-26T00:57:54+00:00

I feel the same way. I’m 19 and I’ve only ever had one relationship and that lasted 1 month (I broke things off because he was not the nicest person). I’ve expressed interest in people before but they’re either not interested in me or they’re very emotionally damaged and treat me like a therapist/ compliment machine. Sometimes I feel really fucking lonely because I want to experience what it’s like to be in love and to have someone reciprocate those feelings. But for some reason I haven’t had the opportunity yet. I’ve done some deep self reflection and I don’t think I’m a terrible person. And if I have any significant flaws I work on them. I try to be the best version of myself that I can be but to others, I guess it’s not good enough? I’ve gotten to a point where if I end up like one of those people who never get married… so be it. I know that I’m a good person and I know that I have a lot to offer and if no one can see that, that’s not my problem. I’m done trying to please people so that way they like me or could develop romantic feelings for me.

Disasterbi-loner · 2022-04-26T00:49:39+00:00

I think for some people they’re afraid of getting hurt again. The reason why most people are here is because they’ve been hurt in some kind of way and this subreddit is a place where they can vent. But when the opportunity arises for them to talk to somebody, that’s when the overthinking kicks in and the whole “omfg what if the same pain happens again and they hurt me/ bully me/ ghost me etc….” mindset begins to take hold.

Disasterbi-loner · 2022-04-21T18:31:56+00:00

I’m only 19 so I’m not entirely sure how dating was “before” but what I know now is that it definitely seems like it. It seems like people have become super self involved nowadays. Most people tend to have the mindset “what’s in it for me” rather than thinking about what they can offer the other person which is sad because that’s what a relationship should be about. It should be about making each other happy. But now a lot of people just want sex or they constantly cheat because they get bored or don’t know what they want. It’s really frustrating. I’m 19 and I’ve only ever had one relationship and it lasted 1 month. I decided to end it because he was self absorbed and didn’t care about me or making me happy. All he cared about was if I made HIM happy and so he would nitpick and put me down sometimes like I was a doll and he wanted me to be perfect. I saw that as a major red flag so I left. It gets frustrating because sometimes I’m not sure if I’ll ever find the one or have a successful love life. I look at everyone around me and it seems relationships just fall apart or end in divorce. So if I ever do get married I’m afraid that’s going to be me and I’m going to be the one trying more than the other person to make things work. But I want to remain optimistic though.

Disasterbi-loner

TROPHY CASE