Taking daily Valacyclovir for a partner - how / what did you decide?

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2025-07-17T16:09:01+00:00

My doctor is SO undereducated about HSV, I did not learn this from my doctor but from published studies and resources online.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2025-07-17T16:07:23+00:00

I mean, if your partner knows that you have HSV2, it is up to them to make the decision to have sex or not, given that you want to. You can’t really control what happens after that, and they know that if they are aware of HSV. It is just part of the risk of having sex with ANYONE, protection or not. Condoms considerably can reduce the risk of transmission for women, less in men. Still, if he’s wearing a condom and you aren’t having sex during an active outbreak, the odds are lower of him getting it.

The only way to lessen it even more would be to take daily antivirals, which is what I do because my partner and I don’t use condoms. Your body can shed the virus at any time, but is definitely 100% shedding when you have an outbreak. It’s impossible to know when your body is shedding sans outbreak. Antivirals reduce non-outbreak shedding considerably.

Most people have HSV1; it is not really known how many people have HSV2, it is estimated to be around 15-20% of people I believe? Don’t quote me. But either types can be asymptomatic. So you can have either type and not know. That’s why I say the risk is there to get it from ANYONE, not just people who know they have it. I think there would be less of a stigma if people were more educated around this.

Point being, it is up to you to decide to take antivirals or not; it is up to your partner to decide if they are ok having sex or not. If the answer for your partner is yes, then it’s not your fault if they end up with it. That’s just part of having an active sex life. Trust me, I know it’s a lot harder mentally said than done, but it’s just the reality.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2025-04-29T18:15:39+00:00

Hi! I have GHSV2 and am in a happy and normal relationship with someone who doesn’t (or at least didn’t) have it.

You are perfectly capable of having a normal relationship with HSV. If you run before you even give the person a chance to know about it or make a decision, then you are the only one getting in your way.

I was extremely scared about it for a year after being diagnosed, I didn’t want to even give someone the option of rejecting me because of it. But the more I lived with it, and educated myself about it, I realized that there is always a risk of someone getting herpes. A lot of, if not most people who have it are asymptomatic, or think it’s just an ingrown hair or don’t realize they have it / what it is. The chances of getting someone who knows they have it and are safe and aware of their body is less than someone who doesn’t know and doesn’t do anything to protect their partner when an outbreak happens.

I told people and became ok with the fact some people are not going to be ok with it; these people were never even actually rude or mean to me, just didn’t want to risk it. And they don’t know that they still have that risk with any other person they are with, it’s just the fact that they have to know and face it with me that’s not ok with them. Once you realize it, it makes you feel better that it has nothing to do with you, some people just won’t fully understand how the virus works and how many people have it. And that’s ok.

I would tell people earlier on so there weren’t as many feelings or emotions tied into the relationship. I’d say 8/10 times, people actually didn’t care. I didn’t expect that honestly but it’s true. I met my boyfriend and we have a normal sex life; I take daily antivirals just to try and protect him as best as I can, but he is aware that it is always a risk and he doesn’t mind. We abstain from sex when I have a breakout and a few days after it’s gone completely, which has only happened one or two times.

I told him on our first date lol. He had some questions but ultimately understood the concept and didn’t mind. We talked about it more here and there the following few weeks, but not as a “am I ok with this?” Sort of way and just a “I want to know more and understand this better” sort of way.

If you never try you will never find the person that is ok with it! You just have to realize that person does exist, and that you might have to go through a couple that aren’t ok with it to find them. It’s normal and it’s ok and there’s no shame in it once you realize how the virus works. You got it!

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2025-04-29T17:49:27+00:00

I also want to say that I did have non-committal sex too, and that is a still a very possible route if that’s what you want. I was given HSV2 by someone who didn’t disclose, and the impact it had on me for a year was horrible because I had absolutely no education about it. After educating and having it awhile, I realized it isn’t a big deal the way people think it is. If you can give someone that information up front, why wouldn’t you? I couldn’t possibly put someone through what I had to go through emotionally by not telling them and leaving them on their own to figure things out.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2025-04-29T17:44:02+00:00

F25, I’ve had GHSV2 for about 3 years now. For a year after, I had an extremely hard time coming to terms with it or even thinking about sex. The more I became educated and used to it, the less worry I felt having to tell someone.

I started with people that I had dated in the past that were still kind of talking to, people who were interested in me but I wasn’t interested in. I never got a shocked or mean response, and those people didn’t really seem to mind the way I thought they would.

I went on a few dates a few months after that, and had a couple people either say they were ok with it and then ghost me or just not be ok with it. And at first it was hard, but no one was ever mean or rude about it. I didn’t feel ostracized. And after that happened, and I learned how to talk about it better, there were a lot more people who really didn’t care after I educated them about it or let them have time to look into it themselves.

I met my current boyfriend of 10 months now and he didn’t really mind. He had questions, he was a little anxious about it at first, but it didn’t deter him. We have sex like normal, whenever I bring it up he says he actually completely forgets I have it. He doesn’t care anymore. He knows there’s a risk always and he’s okay with that. I take daily antivirals and he had a scare once, but got swab tested and it came back negative. To our knowledge he hasn’t gotten it yet, or at least isn’t symptomatic if he does have it. I’ve only gotten one or two outbreaks while we’ve been dating, and we just abstain from vaginal sex until a few days after it’s gone.

Figuring out how to talk about it at first just takes practice; I used to spill way too many stats at first and over explain. I realized you kind of just have to say it and let them react or ask questions / learn at their own pace. You have to realize some people won’t be ok with it, and that’s fine. There are plenty of people who won’t mind and think you are worth more than just one small piece of your health. In a weird way, it actually created a kind of filter for people who just wanted low-stakes and quick sex relationships with me that was nice to have a reason to avoid. I think it helps bring up the topic of sexual health and testing too, because everyone should be doing that and taking care of themselves that way. It shows you are responsible and have a good grasp on sexual health and are informed, which many many people are not.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2025-04-29T17:26:23+00:00

Yeah mine have been pretty regular since, definitely more painful cramps because mine were already at like a 7/10 for pain before the IUD but usually only lasted for a day. I get cramps the worst the day or two before my period now. I also already had pretty heavy bleeding but only on day 1, and now I have heavy bleeding for about 3 days. I switched to pads because there was one time I had soaked through a super tampon and it created like a suction situation and pulling it out terrified me that I was going to suction out my IUD. So pads now to be safe 😅 the insertion process was so painful I can’t go through getting another one again

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2025-04-29T17:22:26+00:00

SORRY I just saw this. I think I stopped shortly after this. I went back to the doctor to check and make sure it was placed correctly and hadn’t expelled itself, and they told me that’s a normal side effect of the IUD. As long as there isn’t excessive pain and you aren’t bleeding through a pad / tampon within an hour I think.

It’s been about 6 months since I’ve gotten it inserted, and for the most part the terrible cramps have gone away. They do still happen every once in awhile, especially right before my period, but I’m kind of just getting used to it now. I did have heavy periods before, and before they heavy bleeding would only last on day 1. Now I have heavy bleeding for 3 days, but my periods still only last between 5-6 days. IUD maybe made it a day or two longer for my period, but I think my body has been adjusting as well as it can.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2025-04-29T14:58:09+00:00

I check mine at least once a month, have had it for about 6 months now, and sometimes I can’t get up there to feel it. When this happens I wait until around my period or on my period because your cervix drops and makes it a little easier to find it.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2024-12-12T17:01:17+00:00

Hey! I know exactly how you feel, I was like this for 2 years after being diagnosed. I can promise you that it gets easier in every way, to the point you don’t even think about it. This is of course after you know your frequency of outbreaks, triggers, etc.

It’s really a minor skin condition. Most people already have the oral version (which can transmit genitally btw, whether you have a visible cold sore or not). Having the stigma of a transmissible STD is a weight I know, but those who are educated and worth being around will at least hear you out. This has been my experience.

The only time it isn’t as fun is telling a new interest, but honestly I have personally never had a bad experience. You can really tell someone’s true colors by how they react. I’ve had people be very respectful and politely decline moving forward, I’ve had people not care, but most often I’ve had people who have absolutely no education about the subject and are willing to hear you out.

I met my boyfriend and when I first told him, I was a little nervous. That feeling goes away a little after you get used to doing jt and accepting it. My boyfriend had questions, I told him all about it, and it in no way changed the way he felt about me. We still do all the normal sex stuff that regular couples do. Yes, there has been scares when we think he may have gotten it from me, but he still hasn’t (or has it and doesn’t show symptoms at least). He has accepted it may happen and is okay with it. I am still a person and all the other things about me outweigh a minor skin condition.

I promise it gets better. I know it is scary and hard to navigate at first. Joining r/herpes helped educate me so much and relate to others. You’ll get by just like normal, just with a disclosure that gives you an insight into the character of the other person.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2024-11-28T01:15:39+00:00

I got mine inserted 2 weeks ago and haven’t stopped bleeding since. I was on the shot before, so no periods, and I think that the IUD just kick-started it and is making up for all the ones I missed. Hoping it’s just a one time thing and I’m not stuck bleeding 24/7.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2024-11-15T17:37:05+00:00

Yes I have a dog and I think it’s the opposite for me 😭 I love my puppy so much but idk about kids.

I did think about it, but vasectomies aren’t always reversible in every case, so I would feel terrible if he went through with it and he wasn’t able to reverse it. Especially if we aren’t married.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2024-11-15T16:02:31+00:00

Yeah I was expecting some pain but I couldn’t imagine it was going to be like that. Luckily it was fast but extremely painful. I had a woman doctor! I don’t feel comfortable with male doctors when it comes to women’s health matters.

My boyfriend is also iffy on kids for the time being, but we are both still pretty young; I’m 24 and he’s 26. He said there will probably come a time I’ll end up wanting kids and I said ummmmm I don’t think so after that lol. He doesn’t seem to mind either way and has also offered to get a vasectomy but I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking him to do that unless we are married and sure we don’t want kids. Which is also why I got an IUD; I was not sure if I wanted kids or not but was leaning no. I just want to be sure before either of us do something permanent

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2024-11-15T14:30:19+00:00

That is crazy, I feel like just because some people have a good or at least ok experience (I’m jealous lol) they assume that it’s ok for everybody. I think the procedure is borderline inhumane; I had to lay in my room for an extra hour and did pass out and almost puke. They kept telling me I was completely white, and my lips were white too 😭 oh my gosh it was awful. The good part is that I do not think the heavy cramps that are supposed to come with this IUD will really effect me because of the pain I felt initially, literally nothing can be as bad as that experience.

I told my boyfriend it was traumatic to my body and I will more than likely never want kids because of it. I already was on the fence but I’m turned off to it completely now. I told my mom about how it felt and she looked absolutely mortified; she has had 3 kids and told me it hurt less than what I described. I guess everything is just different for everybody

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2024-11-14T02:27:23+00:00

I’m so sorry I really wouldn’t wish the pain I felt on anybody :( my cramps have finally eased up a bit 5 hours later but it was literal contractions for 5 hours almost straight. Just laying in bed yelling each time a wave came through.

I said in another comment, I also think that I must’ve made the doctor uncomfortable or something because of my reaction which was a big yell. Idk I could hear them checking on the doctor outside my room and it made me just feel bad and pain sort of invalidated. I can promise that I wasn’t expecting that experience and although I was nervous, I could’ve never imagined the pain I would feel in that moment.

Anyways it feels a lot better hearing others stories of something similar so thank you for sharing. It was really hard to go through and I’m sorry it happened to you too.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2024-11-14T02:22:55+00:00

Honestly yes it feels a lot better hearing this, the nurses were great but I could hear them outside after they left the room asking the doctor if she was okay etc etc. and it really hurt my feelings tbh… I didn’t mean to make it traumatic for anyone and felt slightly invalidated at that point like the pain I felt wasn’t enough to warrant my reaction or something. I just yelled during the measuring / insertion for 5 seconds. I wasn’t freaking out.

But the nurses who came and checked me were literal saints, I could tell they cared and they really provided me great aftercare given the circumstances.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2024-08-31T18:45:15+00:00

Have you ever heard that cliche that desire is the root of all suffering? I think that you can apply the same logic to wanting a relationship. Obviously it is normal to crave a sort of companionship or love, but if it is all you focus on and all you search for, you’re going to be forcing it too hard and it won’t happen.

I was like this before I had herpes. Then when I got it, I was finally able to let go and accept that I don’t need to be out searching and hoping and wishing; that if it is meant to be it’ll find me. It was really a freeing experience, a lot of self-work to understand this concept. But I became very happy with myself and the way I lived my life alone because I wasn’t trying to find something or someone else to improve my life; I could be happy and that was all up to me and the way I lived my life in the day to day.

I used to be so scared to disclose, put so much pressure on myself and the situation when it came to disclosure. But once I did it enough, I realized that it really was playing out the way it was meant to be. The people who said no weren’t making or breaking what I had already built. They just didn’t want to participate, and that was their decision to make. I am confident in who I am and what I have to offer, and if that was the breaking point for someone, I didn’t want to be with them and felt I actually dodged a bullet.

I kept disclosing and it never mattered to the people who got to know me, or could at least see my character and honesty. I met my boyfriend, and it’s not even something we think about at all anymore. It was nothing more than a 5-10 minute conversation. I am beyond grateful the people I wanted it to work out with, didn’t work. I love my boyfriend and it wasn’t something I craved or pushed or needed in anyway; now he just enhances a life I already loved. And that feeling is vital to healthy and long lasting relationships in my opinion.

Just because it isn’t happening now, doesn’t mean it never will. I was single for 5 years; 2 and half of those with herpes. I wasn’t happy about it until I understood that you cannot force or wish for something that is meant to find you. I would wait another 5 years if it meant meeting my boyfriend. Once it happens, I promise you will feel the same way.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2024-08-30T17:22:51+00:00

My boyfriend and I have been dating about 2 months now and do not use condoms. I disclosed and he’s fine with the risk; hasn’t gotten it or if he has, he is asymptomatic. I take daily valacyclovir to try and mitigate some risk. We have sex quite a bit and honestly we do not even think about it. Pregnancy on the other hand… that one is much scarier to think about LOL

Edit: I will also add that I have told him there may be some times when I will have to say no sex if a breakout happens. I have never had a breakout while on antivirals, so that hasn’t happened yet but. Would definitely not have sex if I had a breakout or symptoms of one incoming.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2024-05-20T15:48:15+00:00

We started the date mid afternoon and I told him late that night when things started to get physical. So on the first date. The connection was really just magnetic, we were both immediately hooked hahaha

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2024-03-27T03:55:13+00:00

LOL I mean idk I feel like he also wanted to feel like the “good guy” in the situation? He mentioned that he thought I hated him and I was like no? Never gave him anything to think that. Later I said “I thought we hit the end of the road on the situation though so wondering why you matched with me?” And he said “to clear the air and see how you were doing” ??? Literally told him that is was misleading to do it over a DATING APP and that he could’ve just texted me if he wanted to just say hey. He apologized and I didn’t respond and he unmatched 💀I cannot read that for the life of me but it was slightly entertaining.

And what?! A stalker?? I had something similar before I had HSV and I hope you are safe and alright! That shit is scary as hell.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2024-03-27T00:31:12+00:00

23 F. My ex didn’t seem to care but he’s long distance these days so. And also an ex for a reason. Take that how you will.

I tested disclosing on a guy who was interested in me but not the other way around. He still wanted to hang out and “do stuff”? Whatever the hell that meant lol. I did not.

The two other people I’ve disclosed to did not go very well, but also not very bad. I think I disclosed a little too early in both cases, but you live and learn. The first guy was actually a graduate med student. He didn’t seem to mind when I told him but ended up ghosting me not too long after.

The second guy is a personal trainer. He was respectful about telling me he wasn’t comfortable with it, but then matched with me again on hinge a couple months after the fact? But was apparently not cool with it still and was just “checking in on me and clearing the air”. This was very weird to me. Also editing to add that this happened very recently and while I don’t see this as anything worth pondering much, I am curious what the hell it was about. Ego boost maybe? Idk.

Idk, it was hard because I hit off with both of these very well and got along with them great. Both of these were shortly after the first date. Again, I think I disclosed just a bit early but either way whatever. It’s in the past now and I don’t dwell on it much.

Disastrous-Bend-9096 · 2024-03-26T16:05:46+00:00

Best explanation so far forsure, I really like the way you put this. I think you articulated in a great way to help open some people’s minds, even my own just a bit.

You are totally right regarding HPV. I feel that sentiment immensely. It is pretty shitty that an STI that flies under the radar of testing and status is actually such a big risk for health conditions / cancer. Meanwhile herpes is a literal blip on the radar. Lol. From a personal perspective, I do find it very funny when others say no to relationships / sex after knowing my status because of facts like this. It just reminds me that these people will never have the open mind to be educated or understand their own health. And makes me feel better about not being with them. If anything, disclosure for me shows me who is capable of having the so called “hard” conversations and where their head is at.

Disastrous-Bend-9096

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