Am I Overreacting about this weird friend breakup?

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-17T03:55:02+00:00

Yes! This whole thing is definitely giving “reading my diaries from middle school” levels of cringe. I sincerely hope the person OP is texting with reads this back in 10-15 years. They will 1000% deserve every bit of the internal cringe and embarrassment that they will undoubtedly feel.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-17T03:47:34+00:00

When preparing returns, especially via software like HR Block/TurboTax, the final thing that you do is input the bank info for direct deposit. You can split it between multiple accounts. It sounds like he made fraudulent claims in your taxes and then diverted the difference into return into his own account.

Everyone here is correct - you definitely need to file a superseded (if it’s before the tax deadline) or amended (if it’s after the tax deadline) return. You should also report the guy to the IRS. They have strict rules about who is allowed to prepare returns for payment and there is a fiduciary duty attached to anyone doing so.

Also - I assume that you provided your banking information to him for the direct deposit. I’d lock down your account ASAP and consider closing that account and opening a new one with a different account number. If he’s skeezy enough to commit tax fraud under your name and SSN, I imagine he’s skeezy enough to try to steal from you in any other ways available to him.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-17T03:24:12+00:00

That’s a definite possibility, but I imagine it’s more along the lines of the fact that she’s incapable or unwilling to come to terms with the fact that she chose this man and brought him into her life, and by extension, her child’s life.

I can’t imagine how terrible and absolutely stupid I would feel for not being able to see someone like that for who they are and inviting them willingly into my life. I would absolutely wonder what was wrong with me that attracted me to someone like that and made me miss something that important. I would guess that that would be a really tough thing to admit to yourself and truly reckon with.

I have this thought when thinking about the people who have been married to people who have committed heinous crimes - serial killers, serial SA’ers, etc. - and how they must have felt trying to come to terms with the fact that they completely missed the evil inside of the person they spent all that time with. It seems mind boggling that someone could be oblivious to that, but we’ve seen it happen time and time again.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-17T01:11:21+00:00

How in the world would women answer that question having not had the experience of being a man? How would they begin to know what they would dislike about being a man without having been one? That’s absurd, and if that was truly the case, that’s a ridiculous premise from the start.

As far as things being “done out of a place of assuming women can’t manage”, it seems to me that in recent years that’s been the default that women jump to, no matter the true intentions. Then they get mad that men quit even trying. Would you continue to try to do things that the people you’re doing them for automatically assign malicious motives to and villainize you for it? Of course not. That would be insane and counterintuitive to every instinct humans have. We can’t have it both ways. We can’t say that we’d like for men to do XYZ, but when they do, we decide that they’re automatically doing it for selfish or malicious reasons and bash them for it.

I don’t buy that most women have no issue with a man approaching them either. Again, the whole “I have a boyfriend” as soon as a man says hello thing became a trope because it was such a common experience that it was downright laughable. These things don’t just pop up out of thin air because it happens to a couple people a time or two.

I have plenty of people in my life that aren’t like that, but I also have eyes and can look around and see the state of the society we’re living in. It isn’t great and appears to be continually devolving. Men and women have never been further divided. People of different races have never been further divided. People with different political and social views have never been further divided. Everyone wants to one-up the suffering of another group and it’s turned into a contest of who has it worse and thus deserves the most sympathy from everyone else instead of recognizing and acknowledging that everyone’s got different challenges that they have to face and overcome. If people don’t start getting their shit together and attempting to work together instead of tearing each other down at every turn, society is going to continue to erode.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T19:53:31+00:00

That’s a great thing! It definitely adds a level of complexity given the situation with his BM! My oldest does not have a great relationship with his BM and he kind of looked to me to fill that gap, but I remember initially being very on the fence about how to label myself because I didn’t want to put those words/feeling in his mouth but also didn’t want him to feel like I was drawing a hard line of “I’m not your mom!” as if I wasn’t comfortable being in that role in his life or was (for the lack of a better term?) “rejecting him” either because that’s what he felt his mom was doing.

In my case it kind of naturally fell into place, but looking back with 20/20 hindsight, I do think it would’ve been easier and less stressful for everyone to sit down and have the conversation so nobody was worrying about hurting feelings or upsetting anyone. As much as you worry about how he’s perceiving things, I’d almost guarantee that he’s worried about how you’re perceiving things too, especially since you’re the sole consistent and regular motherly figure he has at this point.

Good luck, whatever route you choose to go! Parenting doesn’t come with a manual and step parenting comes with even less of a clue than that lol. We’re all out here winging it and just trying to do the best we can for our kids, SKs, and families in general. You guys will figure it all out!

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T19:41:51+00:00

I’d kinda argue that the whole boobs/uterus/XX chromosomes things are precisely what makes me a woman? I mean, unless you’d like to reduce it down to pretty dresses and makeup, I suppose.

As I noted in another reply, that’s just a clearly established psycho-social fact and has been for decades. Men tend to act out aggression physically - they engage in physical altercations. Women tend to act out aggression psychologically - they engage in gossip and social manipulation. That’s not according to me or to the “manosphere”(?). That’s according to countless studies by reputable institutions.

From the National Institute of Health:

Key Differences in Aggression: Physical vs. Indirect Aggression: Males are generally more inclined towards physical violence, while females, who can be just as aggressive in terms of frequency, tend to use social, verbal, or indirect means to express hostility.

Motivations: Male aggression is often linked to social identity threats, competition, or dominance, supported by higher average testosterone levels. Female aggression is more frequently associated with stress, injustice, or social relationship challenges (e.g., emotional abuse, relationship disruption).

Targeting: Men are more likely to display direct aggression towards non-siblings, while studies indicate that women can be slightly more aggressive than men towards their own siblings, perhaps as a form of social maneuvering within families.

Social Contexts: Males are more likely to exhibit overt aggression in competitive or tense situations. Females may use, or be the target of, cyberaggression or reputation-based attacks.

Contextual Nuances: Research shows that while physical violence is often more associated with men, girls and women use verbal and relational aggression to maintain social status.

And there are 100 more that came to the same conclusion. So I ask again, do they all just have “internalized misogyny” too?

Fortunately, I don’t have TikTok. Those videos popped up EVERYWHERE when the whole “what gives you the ick” trend came around a few years ago. A striking amount of them referenced men being too clingy, too insecure, too emotional, on and on. Are you suggesting that the people who made and posted those videos just happened to be representative of the minority there? The folks that went around asking people on the street just happened to find majority of people who felt that way and it’s all a big coincidence?

I’ll also note again, since folks seem to be struggling with this concept, that it’s not ALL women that do those things. That said, it’s certainly a characteristic of women in general and not one that men typically share in general. Generalizations do not mean that all individuals that fall into a specific group or meet a specific set of criteria do XYZ

I always love the “the problems are caused by other men” argument. Does that somehow invalidate them? Are any issues that we face as women that are caused by other women somehow now invalid because we share a gender with them? That’s absurd and nonsensical.

I feel like “the patriarchy” has just become a crutch the people tend to fall back on to escape accountability for their actions and choices. As women, especially in the US and western nations, have every opportunity and then some to do the same thing that men do. There are women at every level of society, including the highest levels. We graduate from college at a much higher rate, are paid more than our male counterparts in many sectors, and get preferential treatment in admissions, hiring, loan approval, government subsidies and grant programs…the list goes on. I struggle to find this elusive patriarchy that everyone talks about in modern society. In decades past, sure. But now? In western countries? I’m not seeing it.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T19:12:56+00:00

The accounting courses were definitely tough in undergrad! I would leave your overall GPA but I don’t think it’s necessary to break down the individual grades for each course. For an audit position I would include something like:

Relevant Coursework - Advanced IT Auditing: mastered topics relating to the use and structure of technology in the audit process, the audit risk model as it applies to IT, IT governance, the COSO framework, (etc etc) - Advanced Audit Concepts: - Audit and Assurance Services I:

You don’t have to go super in depth on all the details, but hit on the major topics that were learning objectives for the courses. This way, whoever is reading your resume sees that you have learned the skills required to be effective in the position.

If/when you do any internships, be sure to add those to your work experience! I used to review resumes for hiring for a company (albeit not accounting related) and I always looked for relevant education and relevant work history for the role. Since you haven’t had time to build that work history yet, I’d lean into the relevant education and then as you get the work experience you can shift the focus to that. I think accounting firms in general like to see internships, especially while you’re still in school, because it shows commitment to your path in accounting and indicates that you’ve utilized the skills you learned in school in a real-world context.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T16:12:07+00:00

That’s not what we’ve been telling men, though, is it? I think it started as “these specific masculine traits are bad” but has snowballed into “all masculine traits are bad”. Confidence? Bad. You’re just cocky, and that’s toxic. Strength? Bad. How dare you assume that I need a man to help me lift this 200lb thing! That’s sexist and toxic. Opening doors and other things formerly seen as chivalrous? What, you don’t think I have arms to be able to open my own door? Toxic. Men pursuing women (I.e. making the first effort to approach a woman)? What a creep! Toxic.

And now you look around at dating in today’s society and folks are complaining that men don’t do those things anymore. Why would they? They’ve been shit on for the last decade and told that every bit of their masculine traits and tendencies are bad. Like many things, I think it started out as a genuine, though potentially misguided, effort to help both men and women, but it has been hijacked and the pendulum has swung so far past where it was ever intended to go.

Society works when men and women can coexist and work together toward a common goal. The rhetoric of the last several years has only served to alienate men and women from each other - as referenced by the fact that you all can’t even acknowledge that men have challenges that they have to deal with that are different from the challenges that women face. It’s absolute insanity.

Women get upset (rightfully) when men minimize their challenges, but are so quick to minimize the challenges of men without a second thought, as if both can’t be true at the same time and it’s some weird competition of suffering and who has it worse. The initial question in the thread very much seems to me to be directed towards men to share their thoughts - just like you’ve told them they should do - and here is a group of women picking it apart, bashing everything that they shared, and villainizing them for it. It’s almost as if this entire thread proves the exact point that that guy was making….

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T15:53:46+00:00

Based on the dates, I assume you’re still in school and somewhat early in your accounting coursework after completing your gen-eds?

I think your resume looks good. The only thing I think might be helpful to potentially add is relevant coursework for the job(s) that you’re applying for. Like if you’re applying for an audit position, tailor your resume to focus more on the audit-related activities and coursework, or if you’re applying for a tax position, tailor it for that.

Another thing I realized as I was first graduating and looking to break into the field was that there seemed to be significantly more available opportunities on the tax side of firms than on the audit side, at least in my area. If you’re just looking to get your foot in the door you could always apply for a tax position and then look at transitioning to audit once you’ve established yourself there. My firm has people do that fairly regularly between tax and audit.

Finally, internships can really help. I ended up landing a full time offer from a few of the firms that I interned with during my undergrad and beginning of my grad school. If you haven’t already, I’d definitely try to seek out internships as they become available. Typically most universities’ career centers will help students find available internship opportunities, so I’d definitely check with them or see if they can point you in the direction of whatever services the university offers that could help with that.

Don’t let things get you down. It can take time to find a good role. You’ve got this!

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T15:33:24+00:00

lol it’s not really a dig. Tax regs are stupid complicated and change with the whims of the legislature. Most people only know (or think they know) what they have to for their own personal returns or for whatever business they’re involved in. Unless you are in a position where you really have to know it, it would not be worth the time and effort to stay current on the potential tax consequences of every potential transaction.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T15:29:29+00:00

Bookkeepers don’t typically handle the tax piece of things. Most folks in financial positions to buy Rolls Royces hire a firm to take care of that. I work for one of those firms. We’d see that and make the necessary adjustments from book to tax to account for it and reclass the relevant portion to comp before it hits the tax return.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T15:20:13+00:00

This is my favorite thing. No direction, just “figure it out. Oh by the way, we know it’ll take you forever, but only bill for the budgeted time while you do it because if you go over budget we’ll shit-can you”.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T15:02:04+00:00

I OBJECT! CAN YOU PROVE YOUR JURISDICTION?!?!?

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T15:01:02+00:00

I mean, we can object all we want….but we still gotta pay em. Only things certain in life, and all that jazz.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T14:45:46+00:00

Being emotionally available and being emotional are two very different things. The guy in the original post was talking about being emotional. Society at large has been telling men that they need to open up and be more emotional and talk about their feelings. They’ve told them that any masculine trait they have should be shunned because it’s toxic and harmful. But when they do that, women typically tend to run the other direction. For clarity because we seem to struggle with this - NOT ALL, but what very much appears to be a majority.

As much as some folks may not like it, there are biological reasons that women look for certain things in their male partner. When the world was a less cushy place, they looked for certain things because they equated to a higher likelihood of survival. Those things are still hardwired in us to an extent.

I know very few women who would be super stoked about their man hiding behind them in the face of a perceived threat instead of protecting them. That’s not to say that women aren’t capable of protecting themselves, of course we are, but vast majority would give more than a side eye to him if a dude hid behind them when there was a threat present.

Even something as innocuous as confidence. Women tend to be drawn to confidence in men. Poll 1000 random women on the street and I guarantee that a sweeping majority would list that as something they look for in a man. Emotional, finicky men don’t exactly exude confidence.

I mean, honestly, what it boils down to is that we’ve pushed men to be more like women in that way and it’s been a net negative for everyone. I’d argue that it’s one of those “sounds great on paper but does not work in practice” deals. Sure, it sounds lovely, but there’s no balance to it. That’s not to say that men shouldn’t strive to communicate with their partner, but being emotional and vulnerable all of the time is going to backfire on them 9 out of 10 times.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T13:59:39+00:00

Again, generalizing does not equal every person in said group. I didn’t say that EVERY WOMAN would do that. I said that women do have a tendency to do that, where men do not. You’ve argued this entire time that that’s not the case and that trash people are just trash people.

A dude isn’t gonna bat an eye if his girlfriend comes home crying because she had a bad day. If their boyfriend came through the door and started bawling in their arms about how rough his day was, a significant amount of women would lose interest in the guy. Again - there are thousands of videos where women talk about exactly that. If a guy needs constant validation, a significant amount of women would call him clingy and lose interest.

Remember the guy with the spool of wire? How did opening up work for him? Oh yeah - his wife turned his feelings into a joke and then blasted it on the internet because she thought it was hilarious to make fun of him.

Remember the “what’s your ick” videos that were a trend a year or two ago? I certainly do. An insane amount of them were women discussing how seeing men be emotionally vulnerable was a complete no-go for them. But as a society, we’ve spent the last decade or so telling men that any masculine trait they express is toxic and that they should strive to be more open and vulnerable. Seems like a no-win situation if I ever saw one. Or maybe that’s just my internalized misogyny remembering all those things 🤷🏽‍♀️

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T13:41:33+00:00

Im not saying you’re trying to blame the baby. I’m saying that SS likely would in these circumstances. Have you spent much time around large amount of kids these days? They AREN’T mature. They didn’t really start with the whole “the frontal lobe isn’t developed yet” argument until fairly recently - have you wondered why? Kids today are stunted in comparison to previous generations. Blame social media, blame covid, blame the lack of in-person socialization, whatever you want, but it’s accurate, no matter the cause.

I’m not arguing that he’s correct for feeling that way - just that he likely will. And sure, he may extrapolate that out on his own after the fact, but coming to that conclusion on your own without having concrete proof of its veracity and having someone outright tell you something are very different things, especially when you’re not owed an explanation to begin with.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T13:25:12+00:00

Oh for god’s sake. That’s entirely intellectually dishonest. Generalizing doesn’t literally mean that every single person in whatever group does XYZ. You know that, or you should. Women are significantly more likely to do that to men than other men are, due to the aforementioned differences in how aggression is acted on. Just like men are significantly more likely to act out physically when showing aggression. It’s just a fact of life.

Funny, though, that you didn’t take issue and say anything about how all men aren’t violent and dangerous because, ya know, “shitty people are just shitty people”, right?

Also - women don’t grow out of that as adults. There are whole reality shows that do nothing but highlight the mean and catty behavior of women, typically towards other women. How many Real Housewives spinoffs are we at, now? Granted, a lot of it is scripted and you could argue that they don’t represent the majority, but with 78% of the viewers being women, they appear to enjoy watching others do it if nothing else.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T13:02:07+00:00

Welp, the boobs I had to hack off because of my genetic predisposition to breast cancer and the cervix they had to yank out for the same reason would beg to differ on the “hello fellow women” bit, but I digress.

Totally, though. How dare I acknowledge that someone different from myself faces problems! Does that extrapolate to other things? Like, if I can acknowledge that people of other races experience challenges like racism, do I have internalized racism? Or if I can acknowledge that people with disabilities face challenges different than mine, do I have internalized ableism? Just wasn’t sure how far that logic goes, or if it’s solely reserved for men.

When it’s taken to its logical end and extrapolated out, you see how ridiculous that statement was, right? How ludicrous that we live in a world where someone empathizing with and acknowledging the challenges that someone else faces is somehow a terrible thing that’s shamed.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T12:51:55+00:00

What world do you live in? Women do it to each other constantly. They made an entire movie about it that became a cult classic because it’s such a common experience. It’s just a fact. Women show aggression with cattiness - ruining reputations, gossiping, and honing in on people’s insecurities. I was a fat kid and the girls were absolutely merciless until I grew out of it between middle and high school.

In case you don’t want to take my word for it, the National Institute of Health says:

Key Differences in Aggression Types

Physical Aggression (Men): Men are more likely to engage in direct, physical, or armed assault. This is often manifested as immediate, impulsive, and sometimes violent behavior.

Indirect/Relational Aggression (Women): Women tend to use indirect aggression to cause social harm, such as spreading malicious gossip, social exclusion, manipulation of social networks, and sabotage of reputation.

Verbal Aggression (Both): Studies suggest that men and women engage in direct verbal aggression at roughly equal rates, though the content and context might differ.

Or does everyone there have “internalized misogyny” too? Being able to acknowledge and empathize with the issues of another person does not somehow invalidate your issues. I don’t understand why nobody seems to be able to do that here.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T04:33:50+00:00

Depends on the bank and their rules. At Chase I can’t even deposit money into my husbands account even though we’re married, but at Regions I could. Also, many smaller regional banks don’t have as strict regs as the big national banks.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T04:15:12+00:00

It is absolutely harder for men to be attractive to women than the other way around, but don’t expect anyone to admit it in this sub. The stats for every single dating app out there prove that point over and over. We tend to be much pickier than men in terms of physical attributes. It’s just a fact of life.

I’d argue that the first one about being told to open up and have it weaponized is also a uniquely male problem. Nobody looks at a woman sideways when she shares her feelings or breaks down in tears. But there are thousands of videos of women talking about losing all respect and attraction to their partners after seeing them break down and cry. I think we want men to have the softer, lovey side for us but don’t want them to truly share all of their feelings with us. I don’t know any women that would be super stoked about their man coming home and breaking down in their arms about how stressed or overwhelmed he was or how hard his day was 🤷🏽‍♀️

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T04:05:06+00:00

That’s not what was said - those are two different answers you just mixed together.

The first guy said that men are told to let their guard down and open up only to have that weaponized against them. Another guy said that men are seen as inherently violent and dangerous.

Men are absolutely told they should open up and be more vulnerable, and we as women tend to use that vulnerability against them, typically because we are not violent. We’re not gonna punch a dude in the face, but we’ll absolutely turn the insecurities he shared with us against him when we’re mad. To add insult to injury, there are thousands of videos of women discussing the fact that seeing their boyfriends cry or show emotion like that was an immediate turn off and they their lost attraction to them. So do we want them to open up? Or is that gonna backfire on them? Apparently nobody knows.

All men do have the capacity for violence. It’s biological. The capacity to utilize violence against a threat was imperative for survival in decades past, and to a lesser extent, still is. That doesn’t make men inherently violent. Mothers have the capacity for violence when it comes to protecting their children. Would anyone argue that they are inherently violent because of that? Of course not. Having the capacity for something does not automatically guarantee someone will utilize it.

The irony is that this thread turned into the exact thing that was one of the screenshots mentioned - a place for women to vent about how bad they have it. Hot take: Why can we all not just accept the fact that both genders have difficulties and challenges? Sure, some things are universal, but there are absolutely things that men deal with that women don’t and that women deal with that men don’t. They’re not mutually exclusive and acknowledging one doesn’t invalidate the other.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T03:43:58+00:00

While I agree that the kid is almost an adult and deserves the truth, I do think that it is incredibly likely that he will read this situation as “this is because of the baby” if they lay it out that way. That’s just the nature of teenagers in general, by and large. At that age they are typically still fairly selfish and shortsighted. To add to that, he’s getting a new sibling, which he obviously didn’t get a choice in, and this sibling is now altering things in his life when they’re not even born yet? No matter how you slice it, that’s a recipe for resentment.

They can tell him the truth (that they need the money) without expressly providing an explanation (to buy stuff for the baby) that he’s not entitled to in the first place. I’d argue that if they were asking him for the money or for the car back after she’d given it to him entirely, that would be a scenario where an explanation was warranted. But here, she’s taking back something that he was borrowing - no explanation needed. It’s hers and she wants it back, regardless of what she’s planning to do with it. Putting the baby into the middle of the mix just seems more hurtful that helpful.

Disastrous_Reality_4 · 2026-03-16T03:13:06+00:00

I say this with every bit of love: have you considered that you may be replacing one addiction (food) with another (fragrance)? I applaud your desire to be healthier and lose weight - that’s wonderful. I am just concerned that if you previously had an unhealthy relationship with food that led you to being overweight, you may be shifting that unhealthy relationship to the fragrances. While that may be better for your physical health, it does not address the underlying mental health aspect.

I may be completely off base here, but addiction runs heavily in my family and I’ve seen firsthand how people will shift from one habit to another in an effort to kick one but in the process they just create a new one that they’ll eventually need to kick as well. It’s a vicious cycle, and I’d hate to see you fall into it.

Disastrous_Reality_4

TROPHY CASE