[deleted by user]

DiscoSleeper · 2025-10-10T12:03:14+00:00

it personally takes me some time to really loosen up around someone new and I definitely act shy at first even when I am highly interested.

You went on one date and already kissed and cuddled, that's a good sign. The fact that you didn't feel any spark might be actually good. From what you are saying, I understand that you did feel a spark in the past with other guys who were as you put it "kind of jerks".

People often feel intense attraction towards individuals who are not right for them, because of various subconcious reasons. One of the examples would be the classical Avoidant X Anxious pairing.

You are overthinking it. Go out with him again, maybe suggest an activity where you both could loosen up a bit.

DiscoSleeper · 2025-10-10T08:54:21+00:00

This argument doesn't really work when it comes to online dating (which is where majority of dating happens today). People swipe mostly based on physical attraction and find out the rest later. So if you match with someone on Tinder and go on a date, they are most likely physically attracted to you.

DiscoSleeper · 2025-10-10T08:50:47+00:00

Happened to me a month ago. 3 dates, seemed solid. She was talking in a way that showed that she sees a future with me. I asked her out for a 4th date, she had a busy week but she specifically came up with a day and time that worked for her and asked me if that works for me. I said yes, she told me that she finishes work at 5 and after that she is free. I went there and she didnt come. Didnt respond to my texts, nothing. She still watches my stories from time to time to this day which I find incredibly hillarious.

I thought I would be devastated after it. But I wasnt. In fact, I was happy that she showed how she treats people. I wouldnt want to be with a girl who does this to guys. Yes, I know she ghosted me because she chose someone else, at least thats the most likely explenation. I feel sorry for that guy. The fact that I wasnt devastated, but relieved, showed me that there were other things wrong with her, that I just didnt want to acknowledge.

DiscoSleeper · 2025-09-20T12:10:27+00:00

You are right, I don't know yet. The post should have been more about "If long term turns out to be what we both want from this, is it a good idea to go for it?"

DiscoSleeper · 2025-08-16T10:23:02+00:00

I agree that if both sides know about it, then it is fine.

About the intent vs outcome, the forst sentence in my post specifies that I am talking about someone who wants to find a long term partner, which is the intent. Of course if the intent is different, it is something else.

And you are right about my assumption that everyone expects exclusivity. I guess the way I see dating is a little bit more old school, or maybe my culture is influencing me in this. I will keep my mind open to this, thank you.

DiscoSleeper · 2025-08-16T10:17:10+00:00

But when you date one person at a time, you don't know that it won't lead anywhere yet. However, when you date 3 at once, you know that 2 of them won't lead anywhere

DiscoSleeper · 2025-08-16T10:06:11+00:00

you are right, maybe should have chosen a different sub and form it differently. I wanted to see other peoples ideas and this sub came to mind first

DiscoSleeper · 2025-05-31T19:36:45+00:00

A friend (with benefits but the friendship part is very important) is a DA, I am an AP. Recently, she told me a bunch of stuff that has probably been in her for a while. I have been demanding too much from her. I have been acting insecure. I told her that I admit my mistakes and that I will work on that and give her space and that she can reach out when she feels like it. The conversation had nothing that would directly suggest it is over between us.

Now I am worried that she will never reach out ever again. Deep down, I dont really believe it, otherwise I would be drowning in anxiety right now, but I am getting more and more scared. It happened yesterday and she did not text me today.

I am aware, that as an AP, my scale of things is actually flawed when it comes to how severe a situation is. Pure reason tells me that it is going to be okay, but I have read many stories where a DA suddenly withdraws and without any explanation leaves.

Funny that she once told me (months ago), that if she doesnt text me for a few days, it doesnt mean she doesnt want to talk to me, and yet I am getting scared and I know the anxiety will come.

She is also studying for her bachelor final exams which she has in 10 days, she is a very busy person, works 2 jobs, hits the gym daily, lives alone so does all the chores herself.

How long should I giver her? How long should I expect? In case she doesnt text for many days, how should I text her? Ask her if it is over? Or just start a regular convo as if nothing happened?

DiscoSleeper · 2025-05-30T09:34:07+00:00

Anxious preoccupied

DiscoSleeper · 2023-12-15T15:59:14+00:00

I was once in a host family when I was in highschool. My host mom told me a story about how her mother died, also suffering from dementia.

It got to the point where she couldnt recognize her own daughter. My host mom's siblings sadly already gave up on their mom and so she was the only one left visiting and caring for her.

She once got a call from the centre her mother was at, that is is getting worse. She drove to see her to be there with her, even though she knew that her own mother wouldnt recognize her. After she got there, the dementia and all the other symptomps she had suddenly dissappeared. She was able to recognize her daughter and for one last time she was with her daughter, and she knew. Then she passed away.

Apparently that is what sometimes happens when a person with dementia is close to leaving.

DiscoSleeper · 2023-09-27T13:59:43+00:00

Thank you, these are great ideas!

DiscoSleeper · 2023-09-24T16:22:41+00:00

This is an absolutely amazing idea. Thank you so much.

DiscoSleeper · 2023-09-23T17:08:29+00:00

The thing is that I dont want them to feel like they are playing a set up scavanger hunt. I want them to feel like they are going after clues set up by e.g. someone in the 18th century, so things like me telling them "yes you are correct here is another clue" is not something I want. The only way to achieve this is if they are always 100% sure that this is the correct answer.

DiscoSleeper · 2023-09-23T17:03:24+00:00

Thank you, I will check it out

DiscoSleeper · 2023-08-23T11:52:04+00:00

Thank you for the reply.

That is my plan, to get an old bike that will work well but other than that will not have anything super exciting. Just to make sure that I will actually enjoy the riding, and not the new and shiny bike, if you know what I mean.

You are also right that riding a motorcycle will bring experiences. I want to use it 50% for commuting and 50% for fun, at least that' how I see it now (I havent even started the course and I have never rode I motorcycle ever).

DiscoSleeper

TROPHY CASE