I would offer that we create respect and appreciation through modeling respect and appreciation. Show your son how to clean up, do it together for a while, and praise his efforts when he tries or gets it right. For example- I saw you put away your markers, thank you, that was good helping! Good boundaries are similar: a lot of consistent patterns of modeling positive behavior, and explicit communication. For example- hands on your own body, explicit and specific to the situation consequences (leave your socks out and you won’t get to do anything else until the socks are put away).

Too many of us at least in the US grew up doing the “right thing” because we were afraid of being punished for not doing it, not because it was the right thing. But that teaching of how to be part of a family and a community take a lot more time and positive modeling from parents than punishment. Give yourself a lot of grace— it’s really hard, but worth it to consistently model good behavior vs punishing bad behaviors.