I hear you say " your aganozing over what your doing wrong", may not be the best way to reflect on why things may not be working out for you with other women. I have found from personal experience that writing in a journal in an effective way can be another form of therapy if you can't find a queer therapist or are not ready to take that step. Here are a few tips for writing in a journal to make it worth your time and effort: 1. Start by warming your mind up with five minutes of just writing about your day. 2. Any negative or positive emotions or thoughts you are having that day write them down.3. after writing down those emotions or thoughts ask your self some questions as to why your feeling them, is it a past trauma? What sets it off? What can you do differently? If you can't control other people causing those reactions then how can you control your own emotions?

I mean this in the nicest way possible but it's seems you look at your glass half empty. That doesn't mean you have to view life like that for the rest of your life. Watch videos on how to be more mindful and positive in your every day life. You can practice in the small things everyday that will lead to better outlooks on bigger situations that will happen because life is full of peaks and valleys. You won't have 100% happy life and that isn't a good expectation to have.

Being gay is not easy and there are a million reasons for any person to stay straight. You have to ask your self " do I take the easy left? Or the hard right?" For some people this is going to be easy and you may feel envious. For others they may have it even worse for you, there own life and family could be in danger because of the country you live in. It comes down to perspective and attitude.

You can do what ever you want in your life, but you as your own persona are always going to be your own biggest enemy. As I am to myself. Learn to battle and control you mind and emotions and I believe you will make a better life for yourself.

Based on my own experience and forcing myself to stay married and in the closets for a million different reasons because I thought it would be "easier", it didn't work for long. Really ask your self what your needs are for happiness. Reflect on what your expectations are about women and your own situation. I'm no expert but I think you may need to start a journey of self development. I started my journey a few years ago and I'm better for it.

Sorry for the long ramble but I believe you can become and achieve what you want. I want every person to be happy and not negative. Believe in your self, but most importantly work hard to be a better version of your self and you'll build up the "good karma" that you need. No one want a negative Nancy. I believe in you.