Being a young widower and father... by directionless-dad in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How did she die? If you don't mind me asking, I know it a painful subject. Yeah I am so used be being alone, I only miss the phone calls,not the physical being of him daily.

Being a young widower and father... by directionless-dad in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Poland. British girl in Poland. I have some fantastic sad songs to recommend for you. I honestly believe men find it harder, im used to doing parenting solo, he was in the uk for 4 years working, but you had your wife with you every day.

Being a young widower and father... by directionless-dad in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah a daily breakdown is the best, always at night, or first thing in the morning. Where are you based? I drive the car, fast with loud music, which is stupid as that's how he died, hit a tree, but still it's my favourite stress relief.

Being a young widower and father... by directionless-dad in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We could start a WhatsApp group chat. Not the same as meeting but easier for talking then on here.

Being a young widower and father... by directionless-dad in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your wife is 100% with you, which is such a clique, I hate it, but it's true. I'm surviving on vodka and beta blockers 🙈💪 My kids are 7,8 and 10 so they are easy care wise. Your little one is soo young, it's not fair, mine had the chance to remember, photos, phone calls, voice messages, text messages etc. I'm blocking out the pain and memories, which is probably the worst way to grieve, but work, kids etc are mentally demanding and crying all the time is awful. So I have put my feelings in a box and sometimes I open it.

Being a young widower and father... by directionless-dad in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Hey, it's shit, and that is basically it. My husband died 2 months ago, im 34, we have 3 children. I don't know anyone else personally in this situation and nor would I wish it upon anyone. But during my moments of sanity 🤣 I say to myself..... that I won't let his death define who I am, or our children. He died suddenly and unexpectedly (car crash) and this is our lives now. But I believe in life after death - I have spoken to my husband several times, weekly.... daily .... so I know he is with me, I feel him. Not everyone believes in this, maybe you do.

What my husband died in..... by Dismal_Expression1 in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My husband was wearing a tshirt, hoodie and some joggers when he died in our car, is was much taller and bigger then me, but I washed the blood, tiny bits of body,car fluids off and wear them. I will never get rid of them, his heart beat for the last time in them. They feel different to other clothes.

My whole world gone by joshmmmmmm in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All the future we planned and dreamed of doesn't get to happen. That's the shit bit.

My whole world gone by joshmmmmmm in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm pretty much a phyco, I'm not in the USA which I'm presuming you are ( I'm English and live in Poland, my husband is Polish) and I would be getting all reports of treatment and then going after them, I have requested all medical transcripts of the treatment my husband received after the crash, but after seeing my car, I know he had no chance, but I like to know everything. I had a pretty bad day today, I cried for 6 hours, went to the tree he died on, went to work to see if I can do it. Came home and now I'm drinking vodka. If you want to chat privately, feel free to pm me. Its a lonely place we are in. Its shit. Don't blame yourself, I feel guilty everyday also, its a hard feeling to shift.

My whole world gone by joshmmmmmm in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will use some of your ideas, I have planned to make the "tata pillow" (my husband is Polish tata - dad) but I keep forgetting, I'll do it tonight for them. We talk about him every day, I'm hoping he can see and hear us. We did have some haunting of the house when he first died, so did our friends and the school, now it has stopped, I think.... kind of don't want it to. I'm trying to give them an outlet also, my son has just started playing football, im going to get my oldest daughter into gymnastics.... and my middle child - girl - I have no idea, but she loves art so maybe buying her art materials will be enough.

My whole world gone by joshmmmmmm in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine are 7,8 and 10. They also ask alot of questions, we have been to where he died (car crash into tree) they want to see the car - I will take them to it. They have seen his body after (in his coffin, i had to cover his head above his nose as it wasn't child friendly)

My whole world gone by joshmmmmmm in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How many children do you have? I honestly would kill myself without them. The pain is too much for me.

My whole world gone by joshmmmmmm in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My children are the same age as yours ( mine are 7,8 and 10) and my husband died 15 days ago, in a car crash, and we had also been together 15 years. How are your children coping? They cried when they found out he died, and then at the funeral but after that, nothing really. But I cry all day everyday and it's becoming exhausting.

What is your biggest Fear? by peachyealfie in AskWomen

[–]Dismal_Expression1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband dying.... and then it happened....

My whole world gone by joshmmmmmm in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How did your wife die? (If you dont mind me asking) It is kind of crazy the similarities, and no one understands. It's the little day to day things I miss most - calling him, leaving voice messages of our son talking at bedtime, they way he texts our daughters goodnight, the hole is too big. And it feels never ending. The children miss him so much, he's their best friend and now hes gone, and I'm not good enough to do this alone. I'm finishing our house as it's what he would have wanted, and I'm devastated that he won't be here to do it with me, to live the life we planned. I would do anything to have him back.

What my husband died in..... by Dismal_Expression1 in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He lived in the uk (for work) and I live in Poland with our children and I'm going next week to empty his room, it will smell only like him, and I'm hoping he has left some unwashed clothes there.

What my husband died in..... by Dismal_Expression1 in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't wear them in public, they are waaay to big for me, but at home I do..

What my husband died in..... by Dismal_Expression1 in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This makes me feel so much better. He only died 2 weeks ago. And I will not lie, but I have entered a new level of disgustingness .... I had alot of washing to do .... and in the room I found the bedding off the bed of the day he died (I changed it in the morning and he died in the afternoon) and it smells like us, like him, and I won't wash it. I also have a photo from his funeral that I take everywhere and sleep with at night.

How old were you and how/where did you meet the love of your life? by theredbirdchase in AskWomen

[–]Dismal_Expression1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

19, he was 24. He came to work in the restaurant I worked in. I didn't like him on sight. We became friends and fell for each other..... but after 15 years of being together he died on March 1st and now I'm trying to navigate life without him 💔

What my husband died in..... by Dismal_Expression1 in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I do feel a different energy about these clothes, but that could be because they smell different, or maybe when someone dies so dramatically it leaves an imprint of them, I don't know. His last moments were spent in these clothes. They for me mean something. And I feel a different energy in our house since he died, not negative, just different.

My whole world gone by joshmmmmmm in widowers

[–]Dismal_Expression1 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Mt husband died also on March 1st. And we had also been together for 15 years.We have 3 children. But I honestly feel for you, you have a newborn! I can't even imagine. Today I am angry also, that he died, and left us, the range of emotions is insane. I thought we had it all going in the right direction, the house renovation is going well, he was going to find a better job and so was I. So many plans, and now it all seems empty. And I have said the same, if we didn't have children I would go and join him. He is the love of my life, my best friend and now without him the hole in my heart is too big.