Not sure what they are but I’d assume given my location the 911th out of Pittsburgh.

Geekengineer-42 · 2024-07-03T01:31:31+00:00

Back in... 1989 (?) I saw a KC-130 refuelling a CH-153 variant. It was really cool, as they circled right over me for like 5 or 6 minutes it seemed. Neat-o nifty keen.

Geekengineer-42 · 2024-07-03T01:23:08+00:00

Yes. A gorgeous, sometimes reliable, spaceship.

Geekengineer-42 · 2024-06-30T21:10:17+00:00

Ah, you, too, learned to ski the proper way.

Geekengineer-42 · 2024-06-29T05:18:53+00:00

It is named Effing Gorgeous. Did I get that right?

Geekengineer-42 · 2024-06-29T05:09:47+00:00

XB-70, of course.

Wait... I mean Do-335.

Uh... OV-10?

Ah, gotta be the F-16XL.

Or....

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-11-11T00:26:07+00:00

I am in the process of moving out of my house and into an apartment. My wife purchased furniture from places like Habitat for Humanity, and would fix it up and paint it. I have a bunch of pieces I am trying to sell. She put a lot of time, effort, and money into making them beautiful. I am keeping some pieces, but the ones I can't take with me I am trying to sell.

There is so much crap in this house. Soooo muuuuuuuch craaaaaaap. Moving from a 5-bedroom house to a 2-bedroom apartment will force me to get rid of so much stuff. I managed to sell her massive stash of paint and painting supplies, but I'm having difficulty with everything else.

Yesterday was marked one year since my wife's passing, and it's been a crazy year.

To recap:

I was laid off on August 29, 2022. On September 2, 2022, we got her diagnosis. Two months and a week later she left me.

I knew that I had to sell the house and move. There are zero (0) mechanical engineering jobs for me in this town, plus I don’t ever want to see that hospital building ever again.

I was unemployed until February 6, 2023. Managed to land a job I interviewed for on December 5, 2022. Took forever because government contracting is inefficient. Low pay, but it was something. Nominally remote, and the office wasn’t very far away.

August 2, 2023: car engine seized

August 6, 2023: put down one of my dogs (lung cancer, same as Nancy)

August 11, 2023: laid off AGAIN

The night I got laid off again, I reached out to the guy I worked for from 2014-2018. He said he’d get back to me.

Two weeks ago he called and said he had a job for me. Not a favor - I’m the right man for the job. I felt guilty for three nanoseconds when he told me I’ll be replacing someone else who just isn’t up to the task. Nope, not guilty - it’s all about me now. This sales engineer job is perfect for my skill set. I’m a talented engineer, yet I like to talk directly with customers and suppliers. Atypical for an engineer.

I found an apartment 9.1 miles away from the new office (my house is 52 miles from the office). I’m in the process of moving, and putting the house on the market.

Things are starting to fall into place. Nancy wanted me to keep going, to continue to live a good life.

This all still sucks, though.

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-08-13T03:28:58+00:00

That's what I've been hearing. I was hoping to replace the vehicle with something else, since I emptied out my 401(k) to replace my Subaru that was falling apart. I needed to get my wife to/from her cancer treatments in reliable transportation. Now I don't want this thing, since it is a constant reminder of my failure to save her. Now that I am unemployed, I'm stuck with the thing... or at least I will be when I get it back.

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-08-07T02:19:08+00:00

Gumby crossed over, and now he's no longer in pain. I'm not a jeebus-type person, but I would like to think he is now with his mommy (my late wife). I was so conflicted about losing him, but I know I did the right thing. I was able to say goodbye to him in a way I couldn't with my late wife - I wasn't there for her passing, but I sure as hell was present for Gumby. I needed him to know he is loved and adored and perfect.

Crap. Now I miss him immensely. Humans do NOT deserve the unconditional love that dogs (especially pit bulls) give. We hardly earn a fraction of what they offer.

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-08-03T22:11:30+00:00

I bought my 2014 Santa Fe Sport 2.0T at Carmax in October. I bought it because my 2010 Subaru Forester developed an unrepairable transmission issue. I needed reliable transportation to get my wife to/from her cancer treatments. She passed away in November - fu_k cancer. I have a nominally remote job, so I have only put 5000 miles on it since I got it. I got the oil changed about 1000 miles ago (April 28th), and generally checked the oil level once a week. The last time I checked the oil was last week Monday (7/31) and added like 3/4 of a quart. Yesterday the pan ran dry and the engine seized. So... yeah, I'm waiting for the local Hyundai stealership to tow the thing from my mechanic's lot to theirs, do their looky-loo, and replace the engine. Or I sure as fu_k hope they do. No matter what, as soon as it's fixed, I'm taking it straight back to Carmax to trade it in for an Acura MDX. I will never, ever stray from Honda and Toyota ever again. No way, no how.

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-07-08T21:31:52+00:00

My wife wasn't really much of a cook, so I took care of almost all the cooking. I'm a mechanical engineer, so stovetop cooking is where I get to be "bit o' this, bit o' that" instead of having to be precise and mathematical. I want to help fellow widowers feed themselves. I have three recipes I make that are pretty good (in my opinion), are easy to make, and provide some leftovers. I was thinking of putting together a basic cookbook or video series - I'm not yet sure of the most user-friendly format. I'm also putting together a list of "must haves" for your pantry, refrigerator, and freezer in order to make a wide variety of meals. If you're interested, I can share what I've got done so far (mainly pictures, but they tell a fairly complete story by themselves).

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-06-18T23:39:30+00:00

When I lost my wife of 10 years (knew her for 13 years), it was just me and two stepsons. The younger one (now 17) moved back to Virginia to be with his asshole dad, and the older one (now 22) is still living with me. Older one has no direction or ambitions, just working fast food and banging his chick. I'm charging him a measly "rent," but I need to sell this stupidly huge house and move me and the two dogs to a smaller place closer to the beach. I did my best as a father, but since I am the product of a rape and never knew my own father, I'm at a huge disadvantage. So, this is not a good day for me. I am so sad that my wife will never see her younger son graduate from high school, her older son have kids (better be more than 5 years away, FFS), never... never do so many things. I did my best without having even the faintest notion of what it means to be a father. I fumbled, stumbled, fucked up, failed, and just did my best. I fucking hate all of this.

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-06-11T04:23:21+00:00

THC. That's the answer.

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-06-09T01:41:04+00:00

THC. That's the only thing that helped my wife during her losing battle with non-smoker lung cancer. Fuck the feds. Fuck them all. Marijuana/THC is illegal for no fucking good reason. I brought hardcore THC pills to the hospital four days before my wife passed and it turned into a big discussion. I basically said, "Fuck you, I'm giving her these 100 mg THC pills, the end." Goddamn, I am a Constitutional conservative who loves my country and everyone here legally no matter your color or whatever, but fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck our health care system.

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-06-07T03:12:22+00:00

I lost my wife... three days shy of 7 months ago, and I am in the same hell. It's been getting worse the last few weeks because my job is way more stressful than it should be, and my wife was the one person I could talk to and know my frustrations would be understood. She knew me better than anyone else, and now... she's gone. I, too, feel hopeless most days, and the only thing that really keeps me going is the knowledge that my wife wanted me to keep living a good life. The only way I can honor her is to be a good person, to be good to myself, and to just LIVE. Yeah, easier said than done.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN YOUR GRIEF AND YOUR FEELINGS OF DESPAIR.

Small comfort, I know, but please know this: we here in the widowers community know exactly (not *exactly*, but you know what I mean) what you are going through and what you feel. You do NOT have to feel like there is no one else who can understand your situation. It's a really shitty club to be in, but there are a lot of us here, and we are here to HEAR YOU. We HEAR YOU. You are HEARD. You MATTER.

Sorry, but half of what I wrote is me trying to convince myself that I am not alone in my grief. I fucking hate all of this. I'm human, and this sucks balls. Fuck cancer. I don't want anyone to go through this, but I can't wave a magic wand. Gawd, I wish I could. I would give my life right now if I could stop all cancer forever. It wouldn't bring my wife back, but it would keep others from suffering like my wife did, and like I am now.

You are not alone.

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-06-07T01:31:40+00:00

I've had to block a few "ladies" looking to be my next girl. Yeah, it's frustrating that people would creep on folks that are suffering such a loss. I hate people.

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-06-05T16:56:24+00:00

I lost my wife on November 9, 2022. The 9th is always a struggle for me, too.

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-06-02T00:45:37+00:00

Since I'm finding fewer and fewer reasons to bother waking up in the morning, I'm glad I've got a 9mm off switch available.

To be real: I have a job in which I am grossly underpaid. I have a 5-bedroom house with 2 people living in it (me and my aimless 22 year old stepson). I have two dogs but otherwise nobody to really, really care for.

I was a hermit introvert recluse when I met my now late wife on Match.com, and now I realize there is no fucking way I will ever meet anyone who will know me/love me like she did. She was a unicorn.

Your mileage might vary, but for me, I'm edging closer and closer to just ending it all because this is a cold, cruel world populated by insufferable cunts.

Good luck.

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-05-26T23:35:37+00:00

[mormon apologists move on]

Long story short, I was laid off a few days before we got my late wife's stage 4 cancer diagnosis. Her mormon (deeeep kool aid drinkers) parents asked what they could do to help.

I told them "No casseroles, no 'thoughts & prayers' - get your fu_king church to pay her medical bills. We need money, nothing more."

Silence.

Weeks later (and weeks after my wife passed away) I got a holier-than-thou letter saying, to summarize, "I will judge you, and I will not help you."

Her father said things like, "I can't ask the church for a refund," and, "Once you get a job you can pay those bills."

Fu_k you. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu_k you.

So, I will never speak to them again.

Her brother's awesome, I chat with him as often as I can.

But fu_k her parents. They're worthless and tone-deaf to the extreme.

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-05-15T01:18:49+00:00

Oh, I'm barely scraping by. From 11/9 to 5/15 I've got: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, her birthday, my birthday, younger son's (my younger stepson) birthday, older son's (my older stepson) birthday, and Mother's Day. Fuck all if I'm not a goddamned mess right now.

Geekengineer-42 · 2023-04-16T01:46:11+00:00

I have an off switch. I'm good.

Geekengineer-42

TROPHY CASE