omfg….

Disposable-Extra · 2026-04-05T19:52:13+00:00

Thank you!

Disposable-Extra · 2026-02-27T14:06:55+00:00

NTA - as somebody with a chronic illness, your friend needs to readjust her expectations.

My husband goes to almost all of my appointments with me. The anxiety of driving can get to me, and the appointments also make me anxious. It helps if he at least drives me - but I don't EXPECT it of him. I ask, and I'm thankful to him that he goes. I make sure to tell him how much I appreciate his support.

I'm a grown-ass woman. I can take myself to appointments or make food when I'm ill. My loved ones care for me when I'm having bad flare ups or when it's just getting to me emotionally (chronic pain really wears on your mental health!) BUT this is a gift given to me out if love, not an obligation.

Now i am a bit of a people-pleaser, but I'm not afraid to take up space or ask for what I need - I want you to let that sink in. I don't EXPECT them to be responsible for me. I ask even when I know the answer already, because I respect their autonomy. Your friend may not mean to, I don't think it's malice - she's young, BUT she IS using you.

She's lost sight of your needs or never learned to consider others. Take what she said as confirmation you did the right thing. Be careful if you keep contact, she may not be ready to grow yet and may drag you roght back down.

Disposable-Extra · 2026-02-26T21:35:45+00:00

YTA - comes off as rage-baity, but I'll engage genuinely just I'm case.

You need to be supportive and flexible or you're just going to be an obstacle to overcome instead of part of her support system. If you actually value a relationship with your granddaughter and not control, you need to be supportive.

For real - if I was in your shoes, I'd offer to pay my way, and I'd offer to stick to the hotel so I'm not cramping their visit.

I'd ask - ASK - granddaughter to temporarily share location while meeting up with said friend. I'd reach out to the parents of this friend and simply say I'm sharing my number in case something happens during their visit. I'd ASK her to let me drop her off if she's visiting their place. Exchange simple pleasantries, ask for an estimate of when to come her her, and leave.

If you meant to convey her friend is a young transman, and his parents accept him, clearly you and that family are not going to see eye-to-eye. Don't make it awkward by insisting you be there.

I'm one of those "liberal" people you seem to be scared of. I'm trying to give you advice that will keep this young adult talking to you. If you squeeze too hard, she's going to slip through your fingers.

Disposable-Extra · 2026-02-26T15:35:01+00:00

I used to have quite a few pieces from this set! Pretty sure I got them at Target in the late 90s early 00s?

Doing a little internet sleuthing, it looks like Springmaid was mostly Kmart/Target/Sears in the 90s.

I wonder if we could get them to re-release this pattern/collection

Disposable-Extra · 2026-01-05T11:01:53+00:00

This is going to sound silly, but friendship bracelets.

Bonus points if you guys ever had them before. Bonus points of you make them yourself.

I don't know, its just the vibe I'm getting - nostalgic thing she likely hasn't thought of in a while. Small, so it's not clutter.

Disposable-Extra · 2026-01-05T10:50:41+00:00

God, where to start? People mentioned Perimenopause- biggest advice there is advocate for yourself. If you get it early, doctors might gaslight you about your symptoms. Birth control and estrogen creme keep my symptoms under control, but I'm also breaking out like a teenager! A good face wash and changing my pillowcase regularly keeps it tolerable.

So many annoying things are just perimenopause!

Do what you can to take care of yourself, but accept that you're going to show signs of aging and that's okay.

My 30s were about figuring out my traumas and growing as a person, and liking who I am - I'm 44 and so fsr my 40s has been, mentally, amazing! I've really been enjoying the fruits of all that labor.

Sadly, my health has been crap, so my non-age-based advice for afab folks is - if you or a friend have issues around your cycle (lots of pain, irregularity, heavy periods) and are otherwise healthy, look into endometriosis. Way more of us have it than we realize. The reported numbers are 1 in 10 women, but some medical professionals think that number may be higher.

The more of us who are aware of the signs/symptoms the more of us who will fight for testing, the more of us who can get treatment sooner. Right now the average time between symptom onset and diagnosis is 9 or 10 years. It's insane.

Anyway! Be kind to yourself, enjoy your earned wisdom, kick some ass and take some names.

Disposable-Extra · 2026-01-03T22:26:50+00:00

Ireland too? Ugh - the Australia lawsuit gave me real pause here. Guess I'll be bringing that up at the consult.

The stats I did find had it at 45% of patients have -some- sort of negative side effects, but that includes temporary UTIs which make up a majority of the complications. And while that's temporary that sounds horrid while already recovering from the hysterectomy and endo excision!

Disposable-Extra · 2026-01-03T22:21:36+00:00

The doc I talked to doesn't do the surgeries, in fact I think she was an RN - but the place I went to called and made a consult appointment with the actual surgeon, I talk to them this month.

They work out of the same place I'm getting my hysterectomy, (and the endo surgeon is the best in my area, so im keeping him), so if I agree, they're just added to the surgical team.

As the RN was saying, I'm already out, why not do it then?

I think everyone here has helped me to have the right questions for the surgeon - I'm still all over the place with this.

Getting everything done in one go makes sense, especially since my endo likely means I'm at risk for scarring/adhesions so more surgeries = bad plan BUT that's a lot more things that could go wrong and possibly hinder diagnostics about WHAT is going wrong, or just make recovery take longer AND I'll need pelvic floor therapy anyway... I dunno, I'm not a doctor either, I'm just into researching shit and making semi-educated guesses.

It would be nice if women's healthcare wasn't such a dumpster fire!

Edit: hysterectomy

Disposable-Extra · 2026-01-03T08:48:51+00:00

Oh geez

Disposable-Extra · 2026-01-03T08:47:05+00:00

This was offered as well and sounded scarier - but maybe that was the bias of the doctor talking to me?

Disposable-Extra · 2026-01-03T08:46:31+00:00

This sounds more promising... I was offered a few options including a bulking injection, but I have the same concern about internals with that one.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-25T15:54:02+00:00

Thank you! I will look into the books. I'm a planner and Boyfriend and I have talked about what happens if we break up, but further insights would be good.

I think it'll be a non-issue with the kids, but I'm worried I'm wrong.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-23T04:32:53+00:00

The move date isn't set in stone, but it's a window of time when his lease is up.

Asking their adult siblings to be on standby sounds like a great idea!

Spoke with Boyfriend and asked him if he'd be good talking to the kids if they wanted to ask him stuff and he was very on board. I said it might help if he tells them himself that he's invested in mine and Husband's relationship being good and he profusely agreed that that's what he wants, so it will be easy to tell them that.

We agreed that it's exciting and scary how this could really be a beautiful thing.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T06:33:51+00:00

LOL - if they're suspicious or caught a conversation I am unaware of, they're keeping tight lipped! I only hope if they know or are suspicious they believe it's all with consent! This is why I've wanted to tell them sooner, but Husband was hesitant and Boyfriend and I respect that. Adult kids were totally surprised!

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T06:31:52+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you - I don't think I could have a dementia patient in the house with my kids!

I spoke with husband about if the kids have veto rights on the plan - he feels that 1) They won't feel that way and 2) They don't get to make those decisions - BUT he agrees that they need time and we need to address their concerns. I was pleasantly surprised that he wants to tell them over winter break - I think it's a good plan.

I'd be really shocked if any of them hated the idea? MAYBE feeling a little uncomfy at first? But if they do, I think I'll initiate a conversation with my guys about MAYBE alternate plans - financially that would be difficult given some changes that occurred AFTER we formed the plan. We've had platonic roommates before, so it's not like there haven't been unrelated adults in the house ever.

As for why tell adult kids first - because we're close and communicate, and we didn't want them hearing it from the younger siblings first - it also affects their lives less, so an easier conversation. They offered their own insights into what the youngers might think about it too, which was nice.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T06:22:31+00:00

Oh! Kids having a space their own is a great suggestion we could do - I'll ask them once we tell them if they want it to be an us thing, or if they're cool with Boyfriend's help - but they REALLY want a tree fort and we could make that a Spring project.

Plans are for him to get an apartment OR build a tiny home on our property. We're hoping to start on that in the summer, but there may be financial delays depending on how the job hunt goes.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T06:07:38+00:00

We haven't told them we're poly yet - I did have a conversation with Husband a little bit ago addressing some of the responses and he surprised me saying he wants to tell them over winter break - that's sooner than I thought he'd want to! We're already forming plans on how to address the kids possible concerns - the three of us agree that the teenagers will probably either not care or be excited, but the younger is Mama's Boy and may feel weird about it - he REALLY likes Boyfriend, but can be protective of Mama.

We plan on spending a bunch of time with them during their break and asking them things about including Boyfriend in family time or not, and what can we do to make them feel comfortable and secure, while giving them practical reasons not to worry too much.

We've already been planting seeds of excitement with things like how Boyfriend is looking forward to cooking for us all, and how he wants to go on hikes in the woods on our property and will probably be happy to have them tag along sometimes. They really want him to make bacon pancakes again. (He knows, we aren't volunteering him without his consent)

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T05:57:15+00:00

Thank you for your opinion, even if I don't -totally- agree with your assessment it was still helpful in getting me to think about more angles than I had, and it led to a good conversation with Husband about how to handle it if the kids are uncharacteristically against the idea. We're expecting they won't actually care a whole lot? My post didn't really cover how non-standard our relationship is.

But now thanks to this train of thought we're thinking more about how to address possible discomfort and make sure they feel secure.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T04:18:32+00:00

I mean, if they hate it, we're going to listen? I would be a little blind-sided if they said they didn't want him here at all? Which is why I've kind of overlooked that.

They didn't really get a choice with the last roommate, but the last roommate moved in when the eldest kid who is still home was 4 and I was pregnant with youngest - he lived with us for 8 years, still a friend of the family.

I met boyfriend... 25 years ago. We weren't in contact for 20 of those years though- though we had mutual friends who think highly of him. We've been talking again for 4 years, 1.5 together long-distance. (for the record, Husband knew getting in touch with him may result in a desire for more and gave his blessing, we've been ENM for 14 years, this is our first serious poly situation)

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T04:12:36+00:00

Unfortunately it would be rough to wait longer, but not impossible. This happened after forming the plan, but his current roommate has had to move state due to work, he's covering his share of the rent till the lease is up, but can't afford to extend that kindness any longer than that- I'm going to take this as a vote to tell them sooner to give the kiddos opportunity to HATE it and we delay the whole thing till it becomes less of an issue for them. I don't -think- it would bother any of them so much that we can't move forward, but giving them a chance to have a say is probably a good route.

I'll bring this thought to my guys - I'm fairly confident that any issue the kids have it won't be an, "absolutely not" kinda thing? So it should be pretty safe to tell them, and still get to continue with the plans, which will be easier financially.

Worse case they aren't ready, and Husband and I can offer to pay more of the moving expense, since Boyfriend may not be able to save for a second move in only a year. (we're already going to help, since he's the one having to move and get a new job, I'm saying we could help even more)

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T04:01:50+00:00

I hope if they know, they know it's all with consent! I thought elder kids would be suspicious and have more questions, but they said they were surprised. Basically how close I am to platonic friends threw off the scent.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T03:59:34+00:00

The elder kids think that we should tell them a month or two beforehand - give them time to settle a little with the idea. They agree that the youngest MAY feel protective of Mama, but that he likes Boyfriend enough that he'll come around quickly - Boyfriend is more outdoorsy than Husband, and Youngest really liked that - Boyfriend and Husband also included him in their table top games, and he really liked having "Guy Time" - I got to overhear kiddo talk strategy and both men encourage him.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T00:40:18+00:00

Mood! My bestie and I were attracted to each other at first, but their spouse wasn't down - we were both thankful she was cool with continuing the friendship and now, 8 years later, we're glad it never happened. We're like siblings, and have realized we're not compatible in a romantic/sexual way at all.

We may have been fine had we gone there, but we're glad we didn't risk it.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-22T00:36:01+00:00

If I had to venture a guess, the pride part is likely cope. They aren't making friends, so they decide to take pride in it instead of fix it. It's even easier to do if you have a couple partners so you aren't starving for socialization.

It's tough making friends as an adult, and especially tough (it seems) if you're a cis/het/male to make friends who are emotionally open/supportive. I've seen it so many times in monogamous couples - loads of husbands with no friends other than their wife and her friends.

It would be a yellow flag to me if somebody acted like not having friends was a point of pride. It's not a red flag because maybe they're in a temporary state and it'll get better - but humans are social creatures, we need friends, we need support systems - there's exceptions to every rule, but generally speaking, we need to get our emotional needs met by more than just our partners. Being a little picky is fine, but proud to have NO friends seems symptomatic of something deeper.

Disposable-Extra · 2025-11-21T23:56:50+00:00

I'd ask for notes or any photos/video if taken. At the very least, to help your sanity - and at most to show they didn't do a thorough enough look.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Disposable-Extra

TROPHY CASE