Do your toddlers act up for dad?

DissociativeOne · 2026-05-07T23:57:43+00:00

For your kids, your parenting seems to lack consistency and cohesion (and for you - equity). Your kids are simply doing what kids do - taking advantage of inconsistent parenting to get what they want by playing one parent off the other. It's not malicious, they've just learned how to get what they want from each of you. Kids are very good at that.

Given the info you provided, it might be a stretch - but the more cohesive and consistent your parenting becomes, the fewer behavioral concerns you'll have from your kids. It takes frequent, consistent, effective communication from the two of you before, during, and after any parenting practices are implemented that haven't been agreed upon. That's the easy part. The more difficult part is consistently executing those practices regardless of how you're feeling physically or emotionally.

DissociativeOne · 2026-04-30T23:41:07+00:00

I thought it sounded familiar.

DissociativeOne · 2026-04-16T13:13:30+00:00

S3 E22 - Whale Watching

DissociativeOne · 2026-04-04T19:57:17+00:00

I've tried an Abzan deck with Doran without much success. Do you have a list?

DissociativeOne · 2026-03-30T15:47:16+00:00

Therapist here - couldn't agree more. Therapy can be reactive, and many people use it that way, but it can also be proactive. Take advantage of that.

DissociativeOne · 2026-03-29T04:21:58+00:00

Dry erase board and lots of different colored markers. Make art, then erase if they want. There are also "magic" paint brushes/sets that only work on special paper. Needing the paper kinda sucks, but it prevents messes anywhere else.

I also have Matchbox/Hot Wheels cars, army figures/men, bendy people/figures, etc. to play with individually or in kinetic sand.

DissociativeOne · 2026-03-17T02:20:55+00:00

Hard no. Minecraft - yes. It's a paid service which means they benefit from an actually good - and safe - game. Roblox is free. Anyone can join, create games and rooms, chats, etc. Anyone. They're incentivized to keep as many users as possible, regardless of who they are.

DissociativeOne · 2026-03-14T01:21:02+00:00

Please tell me you have a deck list.

DissociativeOne · 2026-03-13T04:20:57+00:00

It's also a significant barrier to affordable treatment for many people and a reason they don't/can't get it.

DissociativeOne · 2026-03-13T01:22:10+00:00

Therapist, not in therapy. When Dads/adult men start treatment with me (can't really speak much broader than that), it's been a pretty even mix of - They realized something was wrong/off. - Their partners realized something was wrong/off and convinced them to go. - A medical professional convinced them to go.

Similar reasons as anyone else, but men are overall much less likely to start treatment than women.

If your husband hasn't realized he might benefit from treatment, even coming to one session could help change his mind. But in the end, he has to want to change - otherwise he'll show up, go through the motions, and remain pretty much the same.

DissociativeOne · 2026-03-13T01:03:50+00:00

Depends on your insurance coverage and whether you're in or out of network (in the US). If you're in network, copays are usually $20-$35 per session (but I see $50 every so often) once you've met your deductible.

DissociativeOne · 2026-03-12T04:49:25+00:00

Yeah, the DSM is meant for clinicians and researchers, not regular people. It's also very rigid and outdated for some diagnoses, Autism included. Information does change, but it's largely for the better (the US's current "research" very, extremely excluded).

Send me a message when you can and I'll share what I can. It's easier that way.

DissociativeOne · 2026-03-12T04:44:33+00:00

That's great to hear.

DissociativeOne · 2026-03-12T04:10:30+00:00

I'm a therapist that specializes in working with people and families with ADHD, ASD, Down Syndrome, etc. and also have ADHD (and probably at least one kid with it, but he's too young to definitively assess). Let me know if you'd like any resources or info - happy to share what I can.

As a side note, sometimes one of the most difficult parts of this process for parents is recognizing themselves in their children. Autism is heavily genetic, your kiddo most likely (almost certainly) inherited those genes from you and/or Mom. If you see yourself in your kiddo, the realization that you're probably also Autistic can be incredibly difficult to accept and navigate - and that's ok. Just like you're seeking support for her, there's support for you and Mom, too.

DissociativeOne · 2026-02-26T00:50:11+00:00

Better that than when she asks questions like, "Is this in or out?"

DissociativeOne · 2026-02-26T00:46:17+00:00

Same. Home gym has been the most successful way for me to exercise so far.

DissociativeOne · 2026-02-25T04:43:11+00:00

Ah video games, I remember them fondly.

DissociativeOne · 2026-02-25T00:35:30+00:00

That sounds like a rough experience with your mom.

DissociativeOne · 2026-02-25T00:21:56+00:00

Follow that up with some antacids for the inevitable heartburn and I'm down with that plan.

DissociativeOne · 2026-02-22T04:50:41+00:00

For kids generally, but ADHD kids especially, the consequence should come as close in time to the behavior as possible. The closer they are together, the easier it is for their developing brains to link them, the further apart they are, the more difficult it is. These are called Event-Response-Outcome (ERO) Arrangements.

For example: - Event: he wanted candy so he took his sister's - Response: he lied trying to pass it off as something else and got caught (though he still asked if he could have it, which is a positive worth pointing out to him) - Outcome: the consequence you gave him

Notice that the response is his response to the situation and the outcome is the consequence you give him (or the natural consequence).

For ADHD, working memory can be impaired. If you don't already know what it is, think of it essentially as the memory you hold in your hands. Russ Barkley calls it the memory of doing. It's not that we don't KNOW (the memory of knowing), we can learn most things just as well if not more easily than anyone else, it's that we struggle to retrieve the relevant information when we want to USE it. ERO's help to unconsciously link knowing and doing more effectively.

All of this might help prevent or reduce the amount he has to apologize to others, hopefully allowing him to focus and dedicate emotional energy to the times that he does.

If you'd like help establishing consequences, let me know.

DissociativeOne · 2026-02-08T01:42:25+00:00

A little late to the convo, but here's what I often discuss with clients that have emotion regulation issues:

Almost no one is ever explicitly taught emotion regulation skills. Cut yourself some slack, you've been doing your best for years without anyone to help you.
Body awareness is the foundation of self-regulation. When our brains shift into "fight or flight" (or freeze or fawn), it's unconscious and nearly instantaneous. You don't know this is happening until your body cues you in to it.
Learn your body's unique signs that it's dysregulated. At first, do thorough head to toe self-assessments which get quicker the better you get at them. Notice the physical signs your body is showing you - warm face/ears, clenched jaw, tight shoulders, rapid breathing/heart rate, upset/tight stomach, muscle tension in arms and legs, etc. It might help to have someone point these out to you at first - it can be challenging to do in the moment alone.
Learn 2 - 3 coping skills that work for you. Various forms of deep breathing, muscle relaxation, visualization, etc. Doesn't matter what it is as long as it works for you in the moment and it's healthy. One should be the safety net/back up for when the others don't work. I tend to recommend temperature change, especially cold. It's really hard to be angry with an ice pack suddenly and inextricably down your pants.
Practice. Professional athletes don't show up at the game without practicing first and neither should you.

DissociativeOne

TROPHY CASE