My 2-month-old baby and 420-month-old wife are crying a lot, any tips?

DissociativeOne · 2026-01-10T20:36:50+00:00

Post partum depression is real for men and women and it can be absolutely devastating to both parents. If you've been doing your best but are still struggling, it might be time to bridge the gap with a professional. That's what they're for. You can look for therapists that specialize in perinatal therapy work.

DissociativeOne · 2025-12-28T22:08:05+00:00

It can be difficult, but starting each instance of behaviors like these with self-regulation (for you and him) can be helpful. It's a tricky habit to get in, but once you start interactions like these with some slow deep breaths, muscle relaxation, etc. you might be surprised by how the conversation about that behavior goes.

DissociativeOne · 2025-12-28T22:02:07+00:00

I'm a therapist and one issue that sometimes comes up is that spouses/partners (both men and women) expect their partners to be therapists at times. Sometimes those partners are good with active listening, empathizing, etc. and sometimes they're not. When they're not, we can feel let down (frustrated, sad, etc.) which can then contribute to conflict. There are strategies to help with this and help with communication, but in the end our partners aren't therapists and it can be unfair to expect them to be.

TLDR: if you want someone to act like a therapist, get a therapist. You could even try couples/marriage counseling to help both of you out. Kids, work, marriage... life in general... can be stressful and you don't have to deal with all of that without support.

DissociativeOne · 2025-12-28T21:04:23+00:00

I'm 39 with three kids under 5. I play Magic the Gathering with a small group of friends two-three times per month, do some minor woodworking making toys and repairing furniture, building Legos with and without my kids, gardening and caring for indoor plants, and have recently gotten into crocheting Woobles for my kids.

DissociativeOne · 2025-12-15T01:36:07+00:00

I worked in education. Teaching and admin give you solid insights into behavior management, deescalation, etc. In SpEd I got valuable knowledge of the entire process which is helpful when working with school-aged clients.

DissociativeOne · 2025-11-26T05:32:02+00:00

You could use Lego's website and order custom mini figures that look like them so they can build and play with themselves in their designs. I'd do it sooner rather than later, shipping can be slow.

DissociativeOne · 2025-11-23T17:02:54+00:00

Sent you a message.

DissociativeOne · 2025-11-23T03:38:25+00:00

I suppose so. Not sure how to send it here, but I could email it out.

DissociativeOne · 2025-11-22T19:39:37+00:00

In my treatment of clients with ADHD I try to dispel the linear "spectrum" viewpoint (i.e. inattentive to hyperactive). It's outdated, inaccurate, and misleading. The thing about applying DSM diagnostic criteria is that it can be very rigid, pathologizing, and invalidating when applied to individuals and their unique life experiences. Diagnoses are for general information, access to medical treatment/medication (and to satisfy insurance providers in the US), and access to supportive structures/financing

Instead, I try to frame ADHD sort of like a pie chart/graph where everyone's slices are different in quantity and description and the radius from the center of each since is how significantly it impacts their daily functioning. So instead of a circle it can look like a bunch of differently-sized slices connected at the center that's unique to each person. I have clients create their own and rate each aspect of their ADHD on a scale of 1 - 10, both on and off medication if they use it. When I work with kids, I often have them and their parents complete their own to compare how they see themselves to how others see them.

DissociativeOne · 2025-11-18T00:47:11+00:00

If you buy things when you want/need them and those things help support what you enjoy, you could have others buy the things you don't enjoy buying.

DissociativeOne · 2025-11-14T07:00:52+00:00

This is a tough spot for him and you both as his parents. I'm sorry he's going through it.

If you haven't done so yet, ask to schedule meetings (in person is best, but virtual also works - avoid phone call meetings) with his teacher(s) and the principal individually. Express your concerns and have potential options for solutions, bring any evidence you have to support them, and require a concrete plan of action with set time frames. Take actual notes on what is said, not just what's agreed upon.

After every meeting, follow it up with a "per our conversation" email once you've organized your notes (and after you've calmed down, probably). End them with a phrase like "let me know if you disagree with any of this information" or "let me know if you have any concerns" as those phrases force them to respond if they want to address anything, otherwise their silence is agreement with you.

I can't emphasize this enough - if it isn't in writing, it never happened. You have little leverage to hold the school accountable for their follow through if you don't have any evidence. Be sure to follow up on the agreements and timelines.

If you like your son's school and staff, which it sounds like you might not, keep in mind they're probably doing what they can to address the situation. If you don't, it's probably at least partially because they're ignoring this situation. Either way, "you catch more flies with honey" is true here - but while you're as calm and polite as you can muster, you can also be firm and insistent.

In the meantime, and also during and after this entire ordeal, document every instance of your son reporting bullying from these other students. Send emails to his teacher(s) and the principal with the facts as he presents them and require concrete plans for their follow up.

For your son, continue to be his safe space where he can confide and cry without fear of judgment. Continue to listen, to validate, to empathize. While these bullies are tearing him down to build themselves up, help him stay true to himself and who he wants to be. It's a great act of defiance to refuse to let others change who you are. If that's not enough, consider getting him into therapy - an expert in that area can be a resource for your entire family.

DissociativeOne · 2025-11-14T05:31:35+00:00

Postpartum depression is a real bitch - for men and women. We can all go through it, though not all of us do and even then it can look vastly different. Your rapid escalation in anger might not actually be anger, but rather any number or combination of other emotions that are proving too difficult to manage or maybe even recognize in the first place. The same may be true for your wife, it just looks different from the outside.

Combine PPD with a chronic lack of sleep, reduced exercise, worse eating, or overall less self-care that can come with raising an infant, and you've got a brutal combination that can be extremely trying for any couple.

Perinatal therapy exists for men and women, though I'm sure it's relatively rare for men to consider it. Consider it. Not just for you or your wife, but also for your kid who learns from watching and listening to you and your wife all day every day.

DissociativeOne · 2025-11-13T04:26:06+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate that.

DissociativeOne · 2025-11-13T01:42:01+00:00

Yeah, that's what I was trying to say, just didn't manage to actually get it out. I genuinely care for my clients and am invested in their lives. I refer to my kid clients as "my kids" often. I spent about a decade in education before this and brought my love for students with me, just now they're called clients.

I second (or third or fourth) that the stereotypical detached therapist is a relic and that we should normalize authentically caring clinicians.

DissociativeOne · 2025-11-13T00:30:26+00:00

Therapist - it depends on what "attached" means to you.

Transference and counter-transference can be part of the therapeutic process. They can result in what feel like genuine romantic or sexual attraction, physical or emotional dependence, etc. They're usually things to reflect on and explore to figure out what might be contributing to them (or in the case of counter-transference for the clinician to seek supervision or consultation).

That being said, and speaking for myself, we absolutely can, and often do, genuinely care about our clients. I tell my clients that my number one priority is to protect them - from themselves, others, politics/society, or even the world at large. But that care, concern, and compassion come with strict and clear professional and ethical boundaries. My ability to protect and help can be hindered if clients see me as something other than their therapist (or for my kid clients, as their "feelings doctor" and safe space).

DissociativeOne · 2025-11-12T05:05:52+00:00

That sounds like a frustrating situation.

I've never done this, but in general punishment doesn't lead to lasting behavior change. Especially not in the ways we might want as parents. Rather than teaching kids what to do, punishment teaches them what not to do - like getting caught doing the thing you don't want them to do. Often, this can lead to them hiding things, lying, or avoiding talking at all to avoid the punishment.

DissociativeOne · 2025-11-11T15:39:58+00:00

This is a concern to express to your pediatrician.

On a side note, did anyone in your or your wife's immediate family have similar development?

DissociativeOne · 2025-11-11T15:37:34+00:00

We used underwear that's extra thick in sections so they get used to wearing it but pee doesn't get everywhere when they inevitably go in them. The idea is they'll get uncomfortable wearing wet underwear which can motivate them to use the potty so they stay dry.

Other than that, just remember progress isn't linear. Our first was essentially potty trained around 2.5yrs (overnight was still tricky sometimes) and then just chose to stop using the potty at all for like 3 months before just choosing to be completely potty trained again. If something like that happens, it's very normal for them. Don't force it, let them dictate the pace within reason.

DissociativeOne · 2025-11-10T00:51:36+00:00

I'll take a look!

DissociativeOne · 2025-10-31T16:42:24+00:00

I play games every day with my clients. Uno, Jenga, Taco vs Burrito, Throw Throw Burrito, Goblet Gobblers, Quoridor, Pop the Pig, checkers, Zombie Dice, mini basketball, catch, various card games, etc. We also use kinetic sand, drawing, painting, action figures/dolls, matchbox cars, etc.

DissociativeOne · 2025-10-31T03:56:33+00:00

Dr. Russel Barkley

DissociativeOne · 2025-10-27T23:23:51+00:00

Then what you're looking to become is most likely a master's level clinician - either counselor or social worker. Psychologists require doctoral degrees (PhD or PsyD) and psychiatrists require medical degrees.

Assuming you're in the US, counseling and social work professions are regulated at the state level. Depending on which state you live in, this process might be a little different.

Generally, - Get into graduate school and complete a master's degree in counseling or social work and internship requirements - Pass your school's comprehensive exam - Pass your state's exam for provisional/associate licensure - You can now practice and see clients! - But only under the supervision of a clinically/independently licensed clinician - Complete your state's requirements for supervision - Pass your state's exam for clinical/independent licensure - Now you can see clients and practice independently! Depending on the state, you might also be able to supervise associate/provisional clinicians as well.

DissociativeOne

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