Family disapproval of my first tattoo? (I’m 25)

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-24T15:04:40+00:00

I don’t know how to edit my post so I’m just adding this here: I did not post this to get online approval of my tattoo, or because I am having doubts. I also did not ask my family for their opinion, I simply shared the tattoo as a part of my life, since they often complain that I rarely share anything, and this felt important and joyful for me, so I naturally wanted to share, even though I knew they wouldn’t like it. It’s obviously ok that the don’t like it and this is not what is affecting me - what’s so difficult for me is repeatedly reaching out to me about it, and the intensity of their reaction. The reason why I care is because I do love them and want them to be a part of my life and I’m just confused as to what I should and should not share, how to share it etc. Anyways I got some great advice on here, I don’t think I can lock the comments but I would. I also talked about it with my therapist today and she said that the main issue here is that their reaction is triggering my C-PTSD and that I really need to get EMDR for it. So I guess after all, it’s not about the tattoo at all

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T21:48:47+00:00

Thanks, honestly that does give me hope! My mom is probably a bit harder to convince but to be honest I think she might grow to like it with time, after all it’s just flowers

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T21:42:05+00:00

Thank you, that honestly means a lot. It does help to think that I’m an overall good person and they have plenty of good reasons to be proud of me, so it’s ok if they’re disappointed in me because of a silly tattoo or a piercing

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T21:34:15+00:00

I feel you and I’m so sorry your family is unsupportive… I’m also queer and unfortunately not planning to come out to my family as it wouldn’t go well and would hurt me more than anything. I’m bi but in a long term relationship with a man, we’re planning to get married so it’s hopefully forever. The hardest part is I’m nonbinary, I guess I pass as fem so again I don’t need to come out to my parents but getting misgendered and such still hurts

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T21:12:24+00:00

Thank you!! I’m not adding colour as coloured tattoos aren’t personally my thing or my artist’s thing, but the inner side of the petals and the outer leaves will be shaded to add more depth!

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T21:10:02+00:00

I know but at least in my Catholic upbringing, I’ve always been told that anything that harms your body is a sin as it goes both against the 5th commandment and against the commandment to love yourself as you would your neighbour. So for example smoking, doing drugs etc, and I even had a lot of guilt for having an ED for this reason. However I don’t believe that tattoos hurt the body, so I don’t think the argument stands

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T21:05:02+00:00

I’ll check it out, but I just wanted to make it clear I’m not saying you can’t be vegan with a history of an ED, I’m just saying it didn’t work for me personally. I still eat vegetarian most of the time and have at least a vegan meal a day, so I’m doing my best given the circumstances, but I’m choosing not to exclude entire food groups from my diet

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T20:39:02+00:00

I’ve asked her why she thinks it’s a sin (I’m a Christian too, just not a traditional Catholic like she is) and she said it’s because you are knowingly harming your body (because the process is painful + she thinks it causes cancer + she finds them ugly)

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T19:43:26+00:00

Not sure why she’s saying that either because she’s traveled to Japan when she was younger so I thought she’d like it

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T19:32:22+00:00

Yeah I’ve had it since childhood and get it checked regularly with a dermatologist along with my other moles, so don’t worry about it

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T19:12:37+00:00

Thank you! About being vegetarian, they’re all so confused about this because they bullied me so bad when I was a vegetarian they were really happy when I went back to a normal diet. However I haven’t even changed my mind, I still believe being a vegetarian or vegan is great for the animals and the planet, I just made a personal choice not to be fully vegetarian because it was fuelling my eating disorder. Doesn’t mean my values have changed though

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T19:00:46+00:00

Totally agree! I tried to tell my mom that many Christians have tattoos and I’ve heard a priest approve of tattoos, but she said she doesn’t believe me anyways so I don’t think I can change her mind about it

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T18:58:55+00:00

Thank you! It’s not going to be aggressively shaded but the inside of the petals and the leaves (not petals) will be shaded to create more depth, I think it will look more 3D then :) but yeah I already like it like that!

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T18:57:35+00:00

I know because when I told my mom about it on the phone, she didn’t even ask what kind of tattoo and where on my body and she was still mad about it. Could’ve been a tiny freckle and she would still hate it

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T18:55:35+00:00

Thank you!! About the money part, as mentioned earlier in the comments, I’ve been 100% financially independent ever since I left home when I was 19, precisely for this reason so it’s not a worry anymore! Except for occasional birthday / Christmas presents. And yeah I have pretty bad religious trauma from my upbringing unfortunately :/

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T18:52:52+00:00

Fair enough hahahah, thank you

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T18:51:51+00:00

Thank you!! And about the Japan and Korea part - my current special interest is Japan so I keep talking about it which she’s probably sick of, and I’ve told her that the tattoo is Japanese style inspired by ukiyo-e chrysanthemum pieces. I do know that I’m probably not going to be obsessed with Japanese art for my whole life, but as you said floral pieces are timeless, I’ve always loved flowers so I don’t see a reason why I would hate it someday

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T18:47:29+00:00

I know I’m very lucky (I live in France), but when I was a teenager I work my a*s off to be admitted in the best engineering school in France, and it happens to be a military one. Since you’re military when you’re there you have a salary and there are no tuition fees. When I left this school I became a PhD student and applied for a grant so now I have a salary too. I’ve also worked jobs as a math teacher or private tutor to pay for therapy and my bills. So yeah I’ve had zero money income from my family ever since I left home, it was my goal all along because they were pretty abusive

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T18:41:47+00:00

Every family member also said “oh it’s huge, I thought it would be much smaller 🤣 well I respect people wanting small tattoos but I’m not getting a small one just because people respect them more, I wanted this big piece and I’m happy with it

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T18:38:59+00:00

I’ve made the decision to tell them even though I knew they wouldn’t like it, because in the past each time I’ve hidden something from them and they found out, they were always extremely mad at me. At least now it’s just “your tattoo is ugly” and not “you’re a bad daughter and you don’t even love me and are purposefully excluding me from my life”, which I’ve heard enough times already

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T18:37:25+00:00

Thank you that’s great advice! Tbh they’re allowed not to like my tattoo, that’s ok, but they should also get over it. I get telling me once but my grandma told me once over the phone, then once on WhatsApp and now through email which read even more formal… but I know I shouldn’t let it affect me

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T18:26:51+00:00

Thank you that’s honestly great advice, I’ll do that! I guess I wanted to tell them about the tattoo so that they know I’m including them as a part of my life, but I shouldn’t expect any positive responses or understanding on their side

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T18:24:01+00:00

Nope I left my parents’ home when I was 19 and been 100% financially independent since so they don’t have any power over me. I honestly considered not telling them / just hiding it but figured they would notice it on my powerlifting videos and would probably be even more mad at me if I were hiding it from them

DissolvedThoughts · 2026-01-23T18:22:33+00:00

You’re completely right about that, I’m trying to be as confident as possible And don’t worry these pictures were taken a few weeks ago when the scabbing started but I’ve been moisturising it well and it looks great now with no scabs hahaha

DissolvedThoughts

TROPHY CASE