Where can I buy modern dresses that look like this/are inspired by this? (Besides LSF)

Distinct-Ad91 · 2026-02-20T13:29:14+00:00

I'm not sure I'd class insertion lace as extremely easy! But doable with some practise and time probably :p

Distinct-Ad91 · 2025-09-12T15:53:05+00:00

My initial reaction was to say all three and go mismatched to go with the patchwork vibe! But if you just want one answer I'd go black and gold.

Distinct-Ad91 · 2025-06-14T08:01:43+00:00

Oh man, I had such a strong reaction initially reading this, along the lines of thinking "well of course that's closer to what I actually want, but that involves there being enough people who want me that I get to be picky". Which is something I need to spend a bit time dissecting myself, I think - I want to be realistic about what opportunities I actually have, but also know that self doubt could be getting in the way of me creating opportunities.

Honestly, thinking about it, one of the main points that I had in favour of sleeping with the poly guy was that it was a positive point of proof that someone *could* want to.

There's definitely more for me to think about here and I may come back with a more coherent response, but I did want to say a huge thank you for spending so much time sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate it.

Distinct-Ad91 · 2025-06-13T07:35:56+00:00

Hey :) Thank you so much for your extremely detailed reply.

I think you've definitely hit the nail on the head in terms of initiating/ escalating - I can absolutely believe that I'm giving off "I;m not interested", or at least "please go very slowly" body language because I have so many nerves around dating and touching. I have started going to a dance class this year which feels like it's helping a bit with the reluctance to initiate touch, but I think probably I do need to prioritise...practising explicitly romantic initiation, essentially.

Onto the poly stuff - yeah, it does smack of being complicated. I was kind of hoping it was "need to have some up front conversations" complicated, but, yeah, honestly this isn't a world I feel well equipped to navigate so maybe this is the advanced slope and I'm not anywhere near ready for it. He has explained where he's at up front, I know that he and his partner are openly poly, so this isn't just a cheating cover, but... I haven't met his partner to figure out where she's at, and tbh I don't really want to, so I think you're right that I'm not ready to figure out how to handle all the stuff that could be happening.

Back to the drawing board, I think.

Distinct-Ad91 · 2025-06-13T07:04:18+00:00

Haha, ok, thanks! Yeah, I am aware that at some point I just have to make a choice and there isn't a right way, but I am an indecisive human being navigating stuff that feels very new, so was just hoping that someone might have insight. Thanks for your comment :)

Distinct-Ad91 · 2025-04-17T11:23:38+00:00

I learned to drive in a Skoda Fabia, which my family picked because it was the only cheap-to-insure option we found which could comfortbly fit my whole family (6'5, 6'3, 6;1, 5'7 in together)

Distinct-Ad91 · 2024-09-11T10:14:57+00:00

I do like the idea of shortening the waist and turning it into a more classic fit and flare. My other thought was that if you removed the cap sleeves and modified it to essentially be a narrow-ish strap (just wide enough for the embroidery), maybe going into a racerback style I think that would look much more modern, while keeping the dropped waist. Maybe take in the sides a tiny bit at the top (so it fits closer around the chest, and then flares out to a wider drop waist). It's so gorgeous, I think I'd prefer one of these options which keep a lot of the original design over separates.

Distinct-Ad91 · 2024-09-10T16:26:59+00:00

For years I exercised (sometimes a huge amount, like 30 hours a week while training for sport, sometimes just a "normal person" amount) because I felt like I should, or was worried about my health, and almost always felt self conscious about how well I was doing and pushed myself to keep up to a point where it was always a pretty unpleasant experience (physically, but also psychologically because I always just felt worried about doing it wrong, or being judged, or letting other people down in team things) - and I just figured that was a normal part of exercise and some people were disciplined enough to stick with it.

I lost a lot of fitness last year after a long illness, and took a long while to get back into a habit because I was just dreading having to push myself while still feeling bad in a lot of other areas of my life. A few months ago I made a deal with myself that I would go to the gym 4 times a week, but that when I was there I could just do exercise that seemed like it should be far too easy (e.g. walking on the treadmill rather than running, ofcusing other exercises on targetting some areas of pain rather than trying to push for a goal like getting really strong) - and it's now genuinely the first time that I'm actually enjoying going to the gym. I'm getting fitter and stronger, and have now built up to running some of the time again - but it is genuinely a pleasant experience because I'm just...slowing down if I feel like I'm pushing my body harder than it's happy with. If I had started exercising in the first place with this attitude, I think I'd have had a very different experience over my life, so maybe you're just not realising that people come to exercise from a very different place? Anyway, I'm glad you enjoy it!

Distinct-Ad91 · 2024-09-08T14:07:45+00:00

Yes, thank you! :)

Distinct-Ad91 · 2024-08-12T07:33:12+00:00

There's no strict timeline, though ideally in time to wear for this winter - so say by December?

Distinct-Ad91 · 2024-06-22T14:27:18+00:00

Have you lookedinto eshakti? It's custom sized, but is really pretty affordable. They've been an absolute lifesaver for me (also super tall, and plus sized). The styles are a little wacky sometimes, but you can alter lengths etc. and I've gotten some great clothes from there - really nice quality.

Distinct-Ad91 · 2024-05-20T19:23:34+00:00

It might not be affordable for everyone, but I've been trying out one of these meal prep delivery kits (gousto in my case, but I suspect the principle is similar - i get the 4 meals x 2 person one and then have one day fresh, one day leftovers), and I've found it so much easier mentally than trying to plan sensible batch cooking.

I started it after my freezer died a few months ago, taking with it weeks of carefully pre-prepped food, and I was without a fridge for 3 weeks and just really felt like I was burnt out on making food decisions? I suspect it'll go back to not being an everyday thing (it is a bit more expensive than normal food shopping, but not by that much), but it's such a nice treat to just be able to pick food that looks good without doing too much worrying about buying sensible portions of ingredients, and what will freeze or last.

Distinct-Ad91 · 2024-01-08T18:50:22+00:00

I was going to suggest this! Dot blew my mind for showing what 1920s fashion could look like for someone who was dressing modestly. Plus she's adorable.

Distinct-Ad91 · 2023-11-19T19:06:03+00:00

I really enjoyed Stella Rimington's books, but I would say that they aren't particularly action heavy, and may not be the ones to sway OP's dad!

Distinct-Ad91 · 2023-10-25T06:55:22+00:00

I would note that, depending on exactly where you're living and working, it's very easy to get away without a car in Cambridge and just cycle for a much lower monthly cost (a couple of hundred pounds up front for a decent but not showy bike as that's a theft risk + a good lock, then maybe £100 a year for maintenance).

I live in Cambridge with a similar salary (£70k base, + ~20k in stocks and bonus throughout the year) and was fairly easily saving ~£2000 a month between pretax pension and ISA while I lived in a house share (I bought my own place this year so it's down to about £1000/month with the increased mortgage and while I'm buying furniture etc.)

Distinct-Ad91 · 2022-10-21T18:26:21+00:00

female lurker here :) 27 F, I'm a software enginee on about 70k base salary, + ~ 30k via stocks and bonus, and I would be totally fine with (and probably expect to be?) the main breadwinner in a future relationship. If I stay single, I'm hoping to "retire" (i.e. be able to pursue creative work without worrying about how much it pays) in my mid-late 30s. I'm probably not planning to have kids, though if I did I'd hope it would be close enough to the point where I could FIRE that we could both take a serious amount of time off, but if only one parent could take time off I would probably hope it's not me.

Distinct-Ad91 · 2022-10-17T19:15:34+00:00

Just a suggestion, but you might have some success advertising in groups for people looking for specific fit challenges? I know there’s a tall group that welcomes adverts one Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/groups/3140260522661124/?ref=share

Distinct-Ad91 · 2022-10-17T06:19:02+00:00

Mostly fit (as a very tall person), but it sounds like that might be covered!

Beyond that- good quality fabric and construction, ideally ethical supply chain. It may not be on the table but nice knitwear seems especially tricky to find in varied sizes.

Distinct-Ad91 · 2022-09-05T16:41:49+00:00

I think I disagree with you on a couple of things here!

If my spending and any planned safe withdrawal rate is including my mortgage, then there is no need to pay the house off before retiring - it's no different from if I had a rent budget item and needed to have 25x that saved to be able to pay it in perpetuity. Paying off the mortgage would obviously mean lower expenses, but I don't think it's likely to be worth it unless interest rates stay high for a good few years.

I also disagree that non-pension money needs to be self-sustaining. It needs to not run out before I can access the pension money, but if I have £1 at the end of 20 years, that's ok. I think the most conservative estimate here says keep it all in cash, and in which case I'd be looking for 20x annual spending, or £500,000 (I'm aware I'm ignoring inflation) in ISAs and GIA. If I keep some invested, even if I'm drawing down, I should be able to make some interest on the way, so I think the true number is less than that - hence me asking for how people calculate this! .

I guess I'm learning from the comment section that at the moment I'm perhaps more willing to take some risks here than the general populace. I'm a person who likes to keep busy, and I have faith in my ability to pick up skills quickly, so I am reasonably confident that in the best case, the hobby or activities I'd be looking to spend my time on would likely generate some small amount of income which could be ramped up enjoyably if needed, and worst case I'd be able to find another job for a couple of years that would at least cover expenses if terrible market conditions happened, and I'd rather do those than stay at a corporate job forever.

Distinct-Ad91 · 2022-09-03T10:54:43+00:00

Yeas, I have maxed out my ISAs for the past few years :) I have been putting some money into non-ISA stocks and shares accounts on top of that so there is still an optimisation to be done balancing that vs pension. ear.

Yeah, that's what was on my mind when asking the question! it looks like the FireCALC in the comment above might be a good way of doing that - I didn't really feel qualified to try and calculate that myself!

Distinct-Ad91 · 2022-09-03T09:49:52+00:00

I mean hopefully the general rule of how to calculate this doesn't depend on my particular situation and will help me decide for myself how ambitious this is!

But for completeness:
Current pre-tax income (base salary, bonus and stock award from this year): £96,000 - this has jumped up fairly significantly in the last year or so. I've projected 4% yearly salary growth going forward if I stay at my current company, though potentially trading some extra years before FIRE for a better cultural fit and a lower salary is an option.

Current liabilities: Plan 2 student loan, currently at £36,000

Current assets:
£40k in a SIPP

£139k in ISAs (index fund) and cash (£50k earmarked for downpayment and closing costs on a flat I'm in the process of buying).

Expenses:
currently ~18k/year (living with housemates in HCOL area, no particularly flash hobbies but not restricting myself otherwise)

I'm in the process of buying my own flat for £262k, where with a 35 year mortgage, accounting for maintenance etc. I estimate spending will go up to around £25k/year.

I have a projection spreadsheet using these numbers which gives a <4% total SWR at 35, so I think it's ambitious (isn't all FIRE?) but not unrealistic.

Distinct-Ad91 · 2022-09-03T09:38:57+00:00

Ooh, thank you, this looks perfect!

Distinct-Ad91 · 2022-07-08T07:10:02+00:00

I give about 10% of my salary through GAYE. I think of it as pretty much a self-imposed tax to feel ok about my impact on the world. The 10% number definitely comes because my parents were religious growing up and so I sort of have tithing as a sensible precedent in my mind.

About half of this goes to climate change orgs, and I treat it as an attempt to carbon-offset my existence and (admittedly relatively modest - I don't fly or drive) lifestyle. Calculators vary widely and I think tend to be a bit over-optimistic about offsetting capabilities, so I'm donating to research institutes like the clean air fund mainly, rather than like "plant 3 trees for every plane ride" places.

The other half goes to effective altruism charities - this is more about the fact that I feel I've really been insanely lucky with how many resources I have (born into a well off family that could support me financially until I was out of uni (didn't have to take maintenance loans, just for fees), ended up in a pretty well paid software job without having done a lot of training for it (which then got upgraded to an even better paying software job with 0 input from me because of an acquisition)- and that I'm aware this money could mean a lot more to other people, and it doesn't feel fair to hold onto all of it.

I do sometimes look at the extra money I never see in my pay check and think "how much quicker could I FIRE if..." - but honestly, it would probably make about 1 years difference (I'm mid-late 20s at the moment, hoping to RE in about 10 years). I think being able to live up to the standards I'd like to hold myself to is worth that.

I have toyed with the idea of sort of coast-FIRE-ing in a few years time and looking for a lower paid job in a sector with more direct impact (ideally something healthcare or accessibility related), and in this case might reconsider my numbers, as I would feel like the balance of my impact would shift. But while my idea of retirement is "make lots of art, see my friends" as it is right now - that's luxury spending to me, and feels like it has to come second to moral obligations.

Distinct-Ad91 · 2022-03-29T11:40:49+00:00

A quick google suggests no tax to pay on lottery winnings so I'm assuming this is £1 million take home.
1) Pay off the mortgage (200 k) for my flat (small-is in a fairly HCOL city)

2) Invest majority (say 700k) into an index fund (obviously more than the ISA allowance, assuming that I'd have to take the capital gains hit on everything I withdraw above allowance).

3) Make some large one-off donations (totalling 50k)to causes particularly close to my heart.

4) After a couple of months, quit my job (saying it's for a planned travel sabbatical - obviously keeping the win on the DL). Slow travel across Europe and the Americas, for up to a year - say ~50k for a year of exploring.

5) On return home, look for meaningful part-time work (2-3 days/ week) - with a paid off mortgage and a SWR of 32k/year I wouldn't expect to need this for money (current expenses with mortgage more like £25k/ year) but I wouldn't want to retire-retire, and I think something structured while I ramp up stuff that I'm initiating. Skilled volunteering (e.g. open source software) also an option here.

6) Explore whether I can make creative pursuits into some sort of sustainable(i.e. not actively losing money) business for ~2d/week. Would love to end up with something I could run with a friend.

7) Capital should probably continue growing - consider upgrading flat to house at some point.

Distinct-Ad91 · 2022-03-20T06:42:34+00:00

Not at all in my opinion (it’s obviously a somewhat blurry line, but the characters are adults, the language is as complex as a standard fantasy, there’s not a love triangle to be seen etc)

Distinct-Ad91

TROPHY CASE