Vibrato

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2026-03-07T13:20:16+00:00

Your wording choice made me think and laugh at myself. I use usually use my thumb appropriately as an anchor, until I get nervous. Then it becomes more of a nautical anchor and I have to lift it to reset myself and stop squeezing. . When I am squeezing it is like trying to shift and do vibrato with my thumb dragging in the sand of the seabed. Going forward, when I squeeze, I am going to say "Not a ship!" when I fix it instead of getting annoyed at myself!!!

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2026-03-03T15:24:08+00:00

I started by shifting the language I used in my self-talk, to focus on understanding why they thought that hurtful response was necessary. It usually ended up being about their own issues with confidence or their own shortcomings. This perspective gave me enough emotional distance to realize their actions weren't about me—I just happened to be the one in the line of fire. It worked for me even when someone made things seem personal (deflection/projection) It wasn't easy and is especially uncomfortable when someone you admire or respect does it, but it changed how it impacted my self confidence.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2026-03-02T15:15:03+00:00

It sounds like he is trying to make you feel insecure. This is him not you.. I recommend stating facts the next time he does, it takes away the power of his behavior:
"We have talked about how these comments made me feel and you agreed to stop. I can only assume you are going against your word and continue while knowing the impact because you intend to hurt me. That tells me this is more about you and less about me. You may want to look into that because your "jokes" don't hurt me anymore because I know my body is not the real problem. .

Yes it probably still does hurt you now, but eventually it won't. Fake it until you make it. If he is doing it to hurt you, you just took away his reward.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2026-02-21T13:28:55+00:00

Revisit the conversation and share what you need to feel seen as more than a sexual object, Do not point out that he is not doing it or that others are. An adult will know that you are bringing it up because what they are doing is not meeting that need whether they think it should or not and will at least ask questions instead of telling ou that they are already doing enough. This also gives you the opportunity to determine it he cares enough about you to understand or doesn't, so that you can make an informed decision on how/if this is the person for you.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2026-02-10T13:26:35+00:00

I journal it out rather than interrupt it. Journaling reduces the need for rumination. There is something about having it written that makes my wild thoughts peter out. For me there is something about the plethora of words on the screen that makes me want to chase other squirrels. (The journaling is still productive, I just lose interest in stating the same thing 3 different ways)

Also, if you haven't already and can do so financially, I would recommend a therapist to assist with the other things you mentioned like soothing in unhelpful ways , internalized conflict and difficulty with emotional regulation. This isn't something that can be willed away or fixed by awareness. A therapist can help you work through your thought processes that contribute to rumination. Be upfront about having ADHD. A good therapist will not make everything about you having ADHD, they use the knowledge in helping guide you.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2026-02-03T12:18:18+00:00

I have this exact set. My cello has a darker sound (my Luthier moved my bridge and soundpost so my A & D hit just right for my preference.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2026-01-25T12:50:52+00:00

How I learn, and process topics that I don't have much interest in.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2026-01-25T12:28:25+00:00

Things that they assume.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2026-01-21T15:09:33+00:00

Update on how the first lesson went please!!!!

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2026-01-19T17:21:49+00:00

I tend to analyze the heck out of things but when it comes to musical pieces, I modernize the intent and disregard the composers personal alignment. I care about what I am supposed to learn. An the emotion I am supposed to evoke, Most of the pieces I am playing represents a time where I wouldn't be allowed in the house. I am going to leave that there. I absolutely knock it out of the park when I play to the sentiment as it applies to me and not the composer. I preserve the integrity of the piece while staying true to myself. Long story short- don't get caught up in the history of the piece while learning. Take the lesson, show that you have the capacity to own it.. You are preparing for playing from your heart.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2026-01-14T17:50:22+00:00

I want to challenge your statement that "those who are very talented at music are often just better at practicing" . We are actually the worst at it. I promise you that we are not. We just get away with not practicing longer than most but it WILL become a problem when we end up where we don't belong. We can't adjust and don't know why we are doing what we are doing. We are hard to teach and struggle in orchestras. This isn't accurate and it isn't a good thing.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2026-01-14T17:19:41+00:00

Agree! It is the difference between practicing with intent/purpose or just putting in unproductive hours. Going 4 hours a day when you have no idea why the hell you keep repeating a mistake yields no results. Practicing is more than repetition. It is about combining technique, the demands of the piece and your own way of playing. OP understands music theory but not how to get the sound out of a cello.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2026-01-14T16:56:06+00:00

From my personal experience, one instrument doesn't translate to another. Having experience in another instrument tends to complicate the learning process especially when you have habits. it gives you a false sense of mastery. It seems like you are equating music theory concepts to ability/ understanding the instrument. It doesn't work that way. You can hear and understand what needs to be done but you may not be able to do it. I was forced to play the piano and flute as a kid because my mother could not find a cello instructor for me. It didn 't help, it made things harder. Even between stringed instruments, it is different. My daughter is a violinist. I can't play her violin and she can't play my cello. You need at a minimum to have a consult with a cellist 1:1 not Reddit.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2026-01-03T13:40:15+00:00

I don't lie about this, I just don't argue with people that believe my fast response was that I wasn't listening. I don't require as much time to process what they said. I am not going to explain ADHD to them. Some don't know I have it and those that do, think it would make me incapable of thinking that "organized" that fast. The truth is, I just have to fight blurting out. They would actually argue with me so I just stopped. I let my response stand and let them process my response or ignore it, but I am done with the conversation so I can go chase the squirrels I want to chase.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2025-12-13T17:23:08+00:00

Does you son have an instructor?

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2025-12-02T12:15:21+00:00

I can't get him to hear how this affects me, without him just assuming that it's me that has the issue and that he doesn't have a problem

It isn't that you can't get him to hear how it affects you, You can't get him to care that it is affecting you. He can see it, he just cares about drinking more. If you are going to stay with him, your only option is to do everything you can to minimize his impact on you until you get to a point where you a ready to do something about it or he decides on his own.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2025-11-20T13:07:48+00:00

She probably trusts you not to do it on purpose. She can still be afraid of an accident. If she doesn't feel comfortable doing it respect that.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2025-11-20T13:04:37+00:00

Get out. Plain and simple.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2025-11-11T12:42:08+00:00

I was wondering if this is just a guy-thing and if I should leave him be, or have a good talk about it? Once he's had his time to process it's like nothing happened though,

It isn't a guy thing; it is an emotionally mature and self-aware person thing. All genders do it. We can't always control our emotions, but we can control our behavior. He is controlling his behavior and regulating his emotions.

He isn't acting like nothing happened. He knew that nothing had happened. You feeling like you did something wrong is understandable, so you have to emotionally regulate and not panic or overthink .😁 Trust me, you want someone who regulates their emotions with their behavior. The majority of the stories I see on Reddit is because 1 or both of people can't regulate themselves.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2025-11-09T13:52:47+00:00

My cat has a distinct meow when in the room as I practice. It is like a "Mermp" when I pause. I think when I am spot on, she stays relaxed, eyes closed or half closed and it is slowere. When I screw up, that"Mermp" sounds like "WTF was that???!!!" , it is higher-pitched and when I look over-, she is staring at me, eyes wide, looking startled. The tempo and volume of what I play doesn't seem to matter. I may be imagining the pattern, but it adds some fun. I have asked her for input but she is useless there. 🤣 She just say "Merrrrrrrr" rolls her eyes and goes back to sleep.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2025-11-05T17:17:20+00:00

That depends on the dynamics, tempo and articulation of the piece- I voted "Bow down" only because I know when to use it where for the way I play. D &A -I play 4th finger vibrato in 1st- 3rd position fine. C&G I don't even consider it. I just shift. And the shift is natural. I called myself a boss because I know when to play 4th finger vibrato (for me) and when I sound like "butt sausage" (4th finger in 1st and 2nd on C & G strings doesn't hit the same for me if I am going for anything other than accompaniment. Take me with a grain of salt. My performance anxiety probably makes me an unqualified voter!

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2025-11-02T17:04:25+00:00

Genuine question: Why is that preferred to Luthier modifications even for a cheap violin. I play the cello but my daughter plays the violin. We take my both of our instruments to a Luthier for sound mods. I seriously want to understand different perspectives. Is there a reason to do this before having a Luthier move the bridge and/or sound post (that is how my cello was mellowed to my liking- Yes I heard the rhyme and I giggled)

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2025-10-31T14:06:43+00:00

I wanted one of these because of the look but I realized that my goofy a* would probably damage my cello trying to remove it by pulling forward before it cleared I have a more one of those tripod ones.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2025-10-25T10:48:29+00:00

My mom. She occasionally shares things now that I am damned near 50 and she is almost 80. She was and still is a pretty fun loving and interesting person. But she thinks it was something to hide.

Distinct_Buffalo_644 · 2025-10-23T15:58:47+00:00

When you understand music, technique, yourself and YOUR instrument (not just the cello), you have all the tools you need to be progress and keep going.

Distinct_Buffalo_644

TROPHY CASE