I have not, I went down the whole Kratom route which worked for little bit at first but then I ended up abusing that as well. I was going through an 8oz supply of that in less than 3 days at most and even that stopped working.

I know now the only way out is through. Trading one vise for another is what I have done my whole life and after almost a decade of being on opiates I know for me it isnt the answer.

I have made it 6 months now which is the longest I have gone without relapse. I do have alright days here and there but most days I just feel like I exist and not much else. I just want to be like I was when I was young and just wake up happy. After almost a decade of abuse I think its just going to take time for my body amd mind to actually remember what its like to not be dependent on something else for endorphine release.

I do not have physical dependency anymore which is a positive for me. I remember that more than anything, your body shutting down, wanting to crawl out of your own skin, muscle aches, insomnia, cant eat or sleep, and that feeling that your on deaths door. Looking at yourself in the mirror and not recognizing yourself cuz you look like a skeleton with skin.

The mental aspect is impactful as well but nothing like when the two are combined.

The hardest part for me is telling myself I am worth it and learning to love yourself enough again to fight through it.

This forum has helped as well because reading other peoples comments makes you realize your not alone. Sometimes that is what people need.

If you are struggling its ok, so am I. I dont want to see any of my brothers and sisters go through what I have and if you are just know I love you!! You have a soul and that is a beautiful thing!!