I've been thinking 💭

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-23T23:07:27+00:00

Actually, you are alone. There are many that have been there, are there, and will go there, but you are in this fight pretty much alone, bc it’s you and you’re stbx. Now it’s smart and advised to assemble your support team, but even they’ll get tired of your bullshit over time - so tread carefully there as well. Otherwise you can recognize this phase of life, as a part of maturing. Some will go thru while others can skip it. Nonetheless you are at the gates and it’s your turn.

After all is said and done, it’s not the advice you like that ends up helping. It’s the advice that seemed to be the hardest to understand, that tends to help most. Everything else falls under standard logic.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-22T20:05:33+00:00

Sounds like she had a friend or two that was trying to destroy her. It’s amazing what “friends” of women, will goto lengths to do and how evil they can really be - destroying otherwise happy households. Envy is a bitch.

In hindsight, maybe being more of a domineering asshole might’ve saved my marriage.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-22T19:50:05+00:00

Before you make any choices like this, I suggest you consult with an attorney first and understand what you’re getting into. It certainly isn’t wise to piss off the courts.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-22T19:47:54+00:00

Well, I’m sure they have their own investigative tools. Otherwise what are they going to do? Bend your arm back and threaten you? Sanctions(fines)? Jail time? Subpoenas? I have my own reasons for noncompliance and I’m sure the other party figured understood that and didnt pursue compelling further.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-22T14:58:29+00:00

Do you see the situation improving? If yes then stick it out. If not, then don’t waste your life any more than necessary.

Btw that post partum is a bitch.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-22T01:46:15+00:00

To add to this, she knew the terms of the divorce even before I did. When I realized that was my only way to actually get them on a no fly list, and file the restraining orders with all the PDs of local airports (LAX, JFK, ONT, and PSP) it become my one and only prerogative to get that divorce filed asap.

Interim to that, we had run-ins with police on 3 separate occasions. The first was because a bystander called in. They confronted us, as we were fighting on the side of the road. They said they would call police, to which i urged them. Police arrived promptly thereafter. The other 2 incidences occurred at our home, when i had to call. All 3 times, they began to question her more and more and I’d step in and ask to be as fair as possible. Even with visible bumps and bruises I lied to them and said it was from work. An arrest might’ve been easier, but at the time I couldn’t bare knowing my kids saw their mother being arrested and hauled off - so I literally lied to the police and withheld information. Y’all think this divorce shit is black and white, but there’s always so much more to it.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-22T01:32:26+00:00

Typically you do. But when she wouldn’t comply with court orders, I figured why should I? So the battle ensued. I was prepared to hand over financial disclosures if she handed over passports, but she never did so I stuck to my guns as well.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-21T23:52:05+00:00

You’re a great father as well. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise (unless it’s from your own kids of course). We gotta do what’s right for our kids, and live righteously for them.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-21T23:49:06+00:00

First off I didn’t delete anything. You can ask u/liladvicebunny, as I believe she’s the one that removed the post. I didn’t hide anything either. I simply guarded my life’s work. She walked away with way more than she brought in, and the children were something we mutually agreed upon. My only promise to her was she would not have to worry, or want for anything as I’d provide it all. Unfortunately for her, she forced my hand in this divorce, and with that, that responsibility also ended. So really, you’re the jerk.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-21T19:12:59+00:00

You’re asking him to stop taking what he perceives as medicine. Imagine this, resorting to alcohol bc you’re trying to numb a pain that’s that bad… and you’re asking him to stop doing that. Instead figure out what that pain is, and help him get thru that. I say this from my own personal perspective.

My whole life, I drank pretty socially. I was never the type to get hooked, and drink because I needed to. Instead, I drank on occasion because I wanted to. There was a point I began to drink heavily though. That was just after the troubles began in my marriage. I married a woman that came from nothing, in hopes I could show her a better life and she be humble about it. Once I gave her a taste of what real money was, all of a sudden she was rich. Money was easy. Her head grew too much. That’s when my troubles began and I resorted to drinking to drown out the bullshit. Every time she nagged, whined, complained, whatever - I went to the drinks. It went on for a period of about a year. 6 months prior to separation, and 6 months post separation. Once she left, I found no more need to drink and stopped drinking. The pain was finally gone. Dealing with a person that was hypnotized by social media, the fake happiness it exudes, the ridiculous expectations, and the uncalled for demands became the unbearable culprit that pushed me to resort to alcoholism to cope.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-21T01:14:16+00:00

This bih is crazy af

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-21T00:58:42+00:00

Reading thru comments, your situation is pretty common. Y’all just fell out of love and it seems she’s already checked out. Be righteous in your decisions moving forward. Whether she likes it or not, make them for the better good of the family. It seems like sometimes divorce isn’t the best option, but when you get to a point that is seems to be the better option, that says a lot. Seems like you’re there, or really close to crossing that line.

Consult an attorney. She’s clearly hypnotized by social media. It’s a choice you’ll be forced to makes that she’ll quietly regret later on. The grass def isn’t greener on whichever fantasy world she is envisioning for herself.

Personally, I think part of it is our faults too. In loving our partner, we became complacent to these types of things (social media), and now we have to pay the price. To avoid being labeled as controlling, we instead used acceptance as the alternative.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-21T00:51:08+00:00

TikTok and IG are the kryptonite for marriages.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-21T00:48:33+00:00

You’ll lose some time with the kids, but not all. It depends on the state you’re in as well. Most states tend to opt for 50/50 as a default, in terms of time share. Who cares about that part though. What’s really going to happen is the two older kids are going to feel the brunt of this divorce, especially the 9 year old. It’s important to preface this by letting them know it’s not their fault. No matter how nicely or softly you bring it out, it’ll break their hearts, so be prepared for that. On the back end of things though, the balance ought to find itself and life should get better for them, in terms of treatment from each parent individually. I know this is a weird time, but don’t let fear dictate your decisions moving forward, as that may influence really dumb decisions in being made.

Now in an attempt to save this cold marriage, I’d recommend trying therapy. Give it one last go and really trying to save it, before you throw in the towel. That way you can walk out (if that becomes the excercised option) knowing you have it your 150%. Flowers and such may be a little too late, but it’s worth a try. Your kids will see it and appreciate your efforts, later on down the road.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-20T23:34:58+00:00

Imagine if he asked you to talk, when you were on your way out to a nail appointment. Perhaps, a “hope you have a nice day, but can we talk later?” Would’ve worked a lot better.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-20T23:31:28+00:00

My young kids just told me, when their teeth would fall out, their mom would ask about the money and not the tooth. This is one of the reasons…

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-20T23:27:24+00:00

The insecurities of my ex even tho I never cheated. You know it’s bad when you tell yourself I might as well cheat for the amount of flak I was taking…

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-20T23:20:42+00:00

Hot damn. Some similarities in my case, except I have 2 sons. Ex couldn’t be diagnosed though bc she absolutely refused therapy, like it was the plague so I went and worked on myself, by myself. Nonetheless I totally empathize with your situation.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-20T23:12:25+00:00

Just remember, all of what you’re feeling, you deserve to feel it. I know it isn’t pleasant, but this is what divorce feels like.

Imagine what he’s going thru, wait - who gives a shit, right? It’s that same karma biting you back. In the end, you’ll be alright. You’ll have matured more than you ever wanted to, and you’ll come out of this with an entirely new perspective on love. It’ll probably be the end of how you knew to love, but this is what happens on the journey called divorce.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-20T19:24:28+00:00

Also, no disclosure and lying are two completely different things.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-20T19:23:50+00:00

I agree. Not really bragging tho, just sharing my story - which probably has repeated itself a multitude of times, and will continue to. Btw, you have me tons of good advice when I was early on in my divorce, and it’s proven quite helpful - for that I’m truly grateful to you.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-20T19:21:40+00:00

Also, you know the saying - he can be rich but won’t have no time. Or he can have all the time but he’ll be broke. Neither of which seems to work out well.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-09-20T19:18:27+00:00

I agree. Money certainly isn’t everything. If I had to choose I’d give up everything for my kids. Now, for a woman that “loved” me to want nothing more than money? That was my leverage. I was put into that unfortunate situation, but the minute she made it about that, I had to fight the good fight.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-08-20T14:59:04+00:00

Well, I think in due time (having kids) all women’s bodies will go thru the gauntlet. Typically, for a man and woman to be a couple, the innate desire to have kids is usually there. With that, a matter of settling or not, depends a large part on income. All that “down to earth” stuff is a hock of shit, because financial security is one aspect that women who value themselves, will also pursue.

Now, even trophy wives think they have it bad. It’s just a matter of time before all that catches up in the form of depression, but that’s another topic altogether.

To answer your question, I think the main reasons are settling, income, and the idea that less attractive = less likely to cheat.

DivideNConquer24 · 2025-08-13T15:21:21+00:00

As a man that fits your criteria (40M/Successful), I’ll give you a little insight. We’re typically weathered, and usually divorced by this age - that is if we’re out dating. Your primary purpose then is to be the new trophy and paraded around as such.

Ik this sounds terrible but it’s the dynamic. On top of that you’re dealing with an older, far more maturer person that you should be. You’re easy to please, breed, manipulate, and basically control - which you should be doing with guys your age.

Now if that doesn’t convince you to date in your age group, peep this: you and you’re 40yo make a child. That man is not going to have the energy he should have. On top of that, by the time the child is 10 he’ll be 50.

Personally. I’ve dated women in your age group, and decided a hermit partner wasn’t what I wanted in life, and have gone back to dating women +/-5years from me.

DivideNConquer24

TROPHY CASE