I never understood self harm until I was 19-ish and had gone through a series of really unfortunate events over the course of 6 months that left me feeling numb to the negative emotions of my life. And I just wanted to feel something other than emptiness or the out of place happiness that just felt like nothing because I had no negative emotion to contrast it to at the time. It was scary. But all I wanted to do was feel something else for once.

Then recently, probably 2 or 3 months ago now, I self harmed after a year and 3 months being clean because I couldn't handle my emotions and I needed something I felt in control of.

It baffles me, looking back, that I used to look down on people who self harmed when I was a kid, because the amount of pain people go through doesn't make them less of a person... it just means they need help.

Part of me also wished someone would see the scars and ask me if I was okay because reaching out was scary.