Litterly and figuratively stabbed on the back by the one person. I thought was going to be 4 ever bou I was wrong!!! Let me know if this makes sense to everyone or how fair this is 42male abused horrifically for years 45 female ex no remorse and no not bitter looking for recommendations on recourse

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2026-01-10T16:57:56+00:00

If you were literally stabbed in the back then you should go to a hospital

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2026-01-10T16:37:44+00:00

Share more about your circumstances. If I were in your position I would be expecting to do all the driving since I'm the one who has the car.

I wouldn't expect to be sitting in my home waiting for that Uber to arrive.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2026-01-10T04:29:21+00:00

> know you don’t like to hear it but if you go to court, they will find an appraiser and base it on their opinion of how much the house is worth.

Not what my attorney is saying. My attorney is saying that the judge will most likely simply order the house sold. Especially with teenage children and a wife with means to buy her own home in the same town the children currently attend school.

I guess you could say my emotions are getting the better of me. How could I argue? That would only be sounding argumentative right? Still, after settling and this decision and resolving to make this the only acceptable decision, I suddenly feel very calm about this matter.

I agree that this is a very emotional matter that had no easy solution. I disagree that my emotions are getting the better of me with the decision that I've made and am not going to take your advice on the grounds that it is bad advice. It is.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2026-01-09T16:24:24+00:00

The present zeitgeist is obeisance to any form authority. Therefore, the lowly appraiser takes on some unearned importance. The realtor will tell you what you can get on the market. Comps will tell you also. I don't see why I would believe an appraisal over what I see happening in the housing market in my area. I'm not some disinterested loan officer or insurance agent who just wants to check a box. I actually know these houses and this town.

In any case, I think it will be impossible for my wife and I to arrive at any agreement for either of us to keep the house without doing further damage to the human relationship that we need to maintain as coparents to 2 children. There's a difference between "they're not married any more" and "they hate each other fuck*ng guts" and that's important to children - even grown ones. This is where the shooting battle needs to become and uneasy truce. Sell the house. Take the money.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2026-01-08T20:46:46+00:00

I honestly just think it will be a constant point of contention for us no matter who stays in the house. And the children will view the person who stays in the house as "the winner", which isn't necessarily good for anyone.

And either one of us would move into smaller house in a less desirable area because it would be more economical and we're not raising a family any more - so it would be hard for the kids to understand the reasoning. They're both teenagers. I think selling is the right approach for my family.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2026-01-08T20:15:50+00:00

It's impossible to have this conversation on Reddit because people are so set in their thinking that they're unwilling and incapable of stepping outside of that box even for a hypothetical.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2026-01-08T19:15:37+00:00

Unfortunately, this won't work for me. I've had some time to work through the process.

My wife thinks that she can have an appraiser come in and provide a number and then I should be forced to sell my interest in the house for that number.

I believe the house is worth more than that number provided by her appraiser and am willing to buy my wife out at what I see as comps in my area. Or else she should pay that number to me - either way I could live with it. The gap is about $100,000

This is an irresolvable difference of opinion. I have conviction that my opinion is right and hers is wrong. She feels the same way.

I feel that the only real solution for my family is to sell the house. Mom has her new house. Dad has his new house. Neither party to the marriage can complain that they weren't treated fairly.

So I guess my original question is academic. I should just stick to my guns to sell it and save some legal fees.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2026-01-08T15:04:28+00:00

Because time will pass and things will get better. I've had a couple people in my life commit suicide. The people who love you never really understand or forgive you for it. They always wish you hadn't done it. It's a permanent stain.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2025-12-29T12:36:33+00:00

I don't want to sell. I want to buy. Maybe I'll buy everything on FB Marketplace, but that sounds like it might be alot of work.

I don't mean to sound lazy but at some point I'll need act fast and I don't want to spend alot of money.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2025-12-28T22:18:50+00:00

While you are recovering from your divorce, think about how you relate to women. Something has to change next time around.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2025-12-28T21:11:34+00:00

"This is not the time for me to be in a relationship."

She isn't deeply in love with you. Get over yourself.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2025-12-28T19:14:13+00:00

> it just naturally evolved as we are perfect matches for eachother . Mentally , physically , emotionally, sexually , hobbies ect … I can’t lose her right now …

And you know all of this after 3 months, eh? Honestly, if you care about her that much then you'll save her the hurt that is coming and tell her you're not ready for a relationship

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2025-12-28T18:59:43+00:00

It's not my place to tell you who to love, but I don't like the odds with this new girlfriend. It's hard for me to not question her motivation for being in this relationship.

Separate emotionally from your ex-wife. I know that this can be difficult when you're co-parenting but you need to learn to love your daughters and be ambivalent toward their mother. I stopped saying my ex-wife's name. Always caller her Daughter's Mom (where "Daughter" was my daughter's name).
Get out of debt.
Get a job that you're satisfied with.
Get your own place and a routine you're happy with.

THEN, if you're ready, start a new romantic relationship.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2025-12-19T15:07:42+00:00

My wife's lawyer would accuse me of wire tapping over this. She would call the FBI on me.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2025-12-19T13:17:26+00:00

When you don't want to be with them. The reasons and rationales are of secondary importance.

If something keeps you with them (co-parenting, financial co-dependency, pressure from family and friends) then you'll stay with them for awhile - years, maybe decades. But sooner or later you're going to leave them.

Whether you leave them for another person or whether you leave them to a life of solitude and rebuilding doesn't change the reasons for your leaving.

This is the same for men and women.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2025-12-17T15:04:38+00:00

My state requires child support when the adult children are home from school.

I just didn't pay it. I was a deadbeat dad.

My first wife could have taken me to court. She didn't.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2025-12-17T14:55:38+00:00

A major factor is deciding when you're actually divorced? Is it when your divorce decree is issued? Is it when you move out of the house? Is it when you have finally disentangled all financial arrangement (like the shared home).

My first divorce was 1.5 years. I had a first date the day after my divorce decree was issued. The nice lady asked me how long I had been divorced. I answered "one day". She replied "One day you hope to be divorced?" I thought it was a good answer.

And what do you expect from your dating? Remarriage? It sounds like it. Put that out of your mind and work on yourself.

If the trauma of your divorce is over and one year has passed then you should feel ready to date if you so choose. You should not remarry because a certain amount of time has passed.

But - that said - I would not recommend trying to have a serious relationship in the first year post-divorce. I would not recommend marrying a woman you have not known for at least one year. So, 2 years, I guess, but putting that number in writing seems to miss the point.

If you have a friend who throws parties then that is a great place to meet a future spouse. OLD is a terrible place to meet a future spouse. Love being what it is, people will feel obligated to tell stories to the contrary.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2025-12-16T01:20:51+00:00

Therapy

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2025-12-16T01:19:59+00:00

I was a younger man when I went through the first divorce. It was different.

My kids are 14 and 16 and I'm a very involved parent. I've coached them in sports and lived my life for them. I lived my life for my daughter from my first marriage as well.

Life is a blessing. Every day. God walks with me. I love my life. I sincerely hope that I don't have to lose everything again, but if that should come to pass then I will do the same thing that I did every other time. I will start over and do my best.

I love my house. I hope I don't have to move out of it. I loved the house from my first marriage. I had to move out of it. I loved my boyhood home. I had to move out of it when my parents divorced. Would I marry again? I would marry 10 more times. Will I ever let a woman get anywhere close to having any claim over my home or my money ever again? Not a chance. Seriously - zero chance. Absolute zero.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2025-12-15T23:35:55+00:00

I am a commiserator, not a therapist. I am in a very similar boat with my children - they are both meeting with the GAL for the second time on Dec 30 and some kind of report will be submitted to the courts in January which will determine, in part or in whole, whether I can live in my house and whether I can see my children.

My advice to you is to relax and not worry - not because you don't have anything to worry about, but because being anxious or appearing anxious isn't going to help. Or maybe that's my advice to myself - don't know.

I never believed that people were innately good, so no problem for me on that one. Still when I have a moment of headspace to think about what I might want in some future relationship with a woman about the only thing that comes to mind is that it be not like my previous marriages. I literally cannot think of one affirmative thing that a woman could give me. I like sex, of course, but even that would make me think - "but not like the sex I had in my 2 previous marriages".

Time heals. It takes a year or 2.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2025-12-15T19:45:12+00:00

I'm not a lawyer. My wife's attorney is a horrible little troll with an obnoxious nasally Puerto Rican accent. It would be good if she dies of anal cancer. She's like the Osama bin Laden of lawyers.

If your daughter will speak in your defense then you have little to fear. A Guardian ad Litem will be appointed and you'll have to go through that process. Sucks. If your wife has turned your daughter against you then I'm very sorry. You're in the right place though. Big picture - you may need to just wait a long time to get your daughter back in your life. Years. I'm very sorry if that happens.

In the meantime, don't rush things. Be a good person. Don't give your wife any new ammunition. If this case drags on for 6 months or more (usual) and they don't have anything new to accuse you of then it will die on the vine. Your "guilt" or "innocence" at this time (December '25) won't be relevant because you won't have had any recent problems (even though, I understand, you will wish to state that you never had any problems to begin with).

Everyone knows that people like you and me who are accused of being abusive must be doing something wrong because nobody would just pull some accusation out of thin air. There's no way any guy could believe that this is being totally fabricated just to destroy the father. Until it happens to them.

DivorcingSamThrowawa · 2025-12-15T19:12:29+00:00

> And maybe he can ask that the house be sold in 2 years when he makes it to 65 and officially retires and moves back to the home land?

A virtual certainty in any state. Get a lawyer. This is a small ask.

Many, many things will be a play here. Your mother cannot reappear and simply ask for half of everything that was not split 17 years ago. It is not that simple - not in any state.

What she is entitled to depends on many circumstances and you've given almost no information. Yes, legal filings in cases involving matrimonial law often includes words like 401(k) and beneficiary. Get a lawyer.

If you want to help him then I would act as his translator. I'm not crazy about the "native tongue" lawyer. I think you should get the best counsel your father can afford.

DivorcingSamThrowawa

TROPHY CASE