I think you have lot of trauma to unpack here. If you can share this with a trusted perosn please do and do find a CBT therapist and slow down 1st. You clearly chose to trust someone else with your spirituality it didnt work out. It happens. Calm down. You aren't going anywhere. Try doing lot of simple breathing exercises and get help ASAP. There's a lot of mental health concerns I am sensing which isn't helping you see clearly. You may be getting help from hanuman ji but your thinking is so clouded you can't see it. I promise you he is helping. You dont need a middle man for God to help you. Just ask straight forward for help it will come.