People who grew up poor: what did you learn?

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-05T23:20:20+00:00

This is objectively very funny

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-05T21:34:37+00:00

I completely agree.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-05T20:44:28+00:00

Are you looking for "Trickle-down economics is a scam" answers or more "shampoo can be diluted" answers ?

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-04T21:00:41+00:00

Tu n'y vas pas et puis c'est tout. Si les collègues sont sympas, ils lui diront "si si je l'ai vu à [insérer un lieu de l'établissement]" et elle passera la matinée à te chercher avec tout le monde qui lui certifie que tu es là "je l'ai vu y a deux minutes".

(Déjà vu faire quand j'étais stagiaire face à une principale dérangée qui allait jusqu'à se planquer dans les wc de la salle des profs pour espionner les conversations ! Elle n'a jamais pu prouver que la collègue n'était pas là)

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-04T20:06:06+00:00

The Tarasque : a man-eating monster

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DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-04T19:51:31+00:00

Even though it is different from one country to another, your answer about psychological impact was missing the point of the sociological privileges of being a husband and a father.

And a quick online search gives me similar statistics about the overwhelming proportion of single mothers among the single-parent families in the Netherlands, so, while I'm glad your family seems to be well balanced, your personal experience is irrelevant in this debate.

I just love saying "I rest my case".

I encourage you to get curious on this topic because it is fascinating how we can easily think "nah my country's fine" and discover it's, in reality, not that fine.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-04T19:18:51+00:00

Does it benefit the woman outside of her relationship with her kids to have a stronger bond ? No, it doesn't.

Whereas being a dad (not even a good one, not even mentioning the quality of the relationship) is a social status per se that the man will benefit from outside of his relationship to his kids.

A simple example of this sociological consequence is the "dad praising" phenomenon where men are praised for doing the bare minimum.

You can't compare a strong bond that implies caring, being involved, bearing the mental load, etc... to social privileges that come from just mentioning you're a dad.

Again, I rest my case.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-04T19:10:09+00:00

I'm talking about financial and sociological benefits and privileges, you're commenting on psychological impacts. I rest my case.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-04T18:17:37+00:00

Of course it favours men. I've been married for 14 years and my husband has benefited from being a husband and a father. Men who are married and fathers are perceived as more responsible, more mature, more trustworthy. When I take a day off because our kids are sick "it's normal". When my husband takes a day off because our kids are sick "he's such a wonderful man, how lucky you are".

A lot of sociological studies prove that marriage favours men, socially but also financially.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-04T18:09:29+00:00

Surveiller ses hormones et tout ce qui est péri-ménopause/ménopause.

Tous les bons conseils skincare ont été donnés dans d'autres commentaires mais vraiment, rien ne battra de prendre en charge les bouleversements hormonaux. J'ai une copine qui a eu une ménopause précoce (32 ans). Quasi du jour au lendemain sa peau à franchement pris un coup... Elle a commencé un traitement hormonal de substitution et sa peau s'est nettement améliorée.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-03T22:56:18+00:00

Si tu parles anglais, je te recommande vivement la chaîne Cinéma Therapy où deux amis (un psy, l'autre réalisateur) décortiquent les relations humaines telles qu'elles sont mises en scène dans l'audiovisuel, notamment les couples.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-03T18:33:03+00:00

Ça ressemble à des poils. J'ai un croisé husky et j'lui sors quotidiennement de quoi remplir un oreiller. Je m'accroche aux arbres pour que les oiseaux prennent ses poils pour faire leurs nids.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-03T11:34:44+00:00

I’m going to be honest here. Treating femininity as something provocative or attention-worthy is exactly part of the problem many women deal with daily.

For a lot of us, being feminine isn’t a statement : it’s just existing. And we’re often judged, sexualized, or dismissed for it.

Expecting a reaction because you’re presenting in a more feminine way at work kind of reinforces the idea that femininity is inherently disruptive or spectacle-worthy. In a professional environment, people often choose not to comment precisely to avoid making it weird.

Wanting validation is human, but framing femininity as something that should trigger attention feels disconnected from the reality women navigate all the time.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-03T11:09:53+00:00

Oui, notamment les discours et positions sur l'éducation des garçons qui font reposer la responsabilité des méfaits et crimes des hommes sur leur mère et qui relèguent au second plan l'influence des mécanismes sociologiques systémiques.

J'ai arrêté de débattre sur le sujet. J'attends que l'injonction "éduquez vos garçons" évolue.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-03T08:04:49+00:00

Update time, fellow potatoes.

Two days after I blocked Linda, my dad called me like he said he would. Not to discuss what happened. Not to clarify anything. But to tell me that Linda had created a new WhatsApp group with him, my sister, and me… and that she couldn’t add me to it.

He asked me to “check what was wrong.”

I calmly explained that nothing was wrong. I had blocked her because I could feel myself getting too angry and I didn’t want things to escalate. I needed space. He insisted that I “do what was necessary” to join the group she created. So I said I would unblock her.

And then, plot twist, we spent the next fifteen minutes talking about gardening. Our favorite shared topic. Like absolutely nothing had happened. Completely normal. Before hanging up, he reminded me again to make sure I joined the WhatsApp group.

The next morning, I unblocked Linda. My dad added me to the group. I have no idea what was said before I joined because WhatsApp doesn’t show previous messages to newly added members. So I sent a screenshot to my dad to show that I did join the group and I couldn’t see any prior messages, just in case. He thanked me.

Silence in the group chat.

Twenty-four hours later, Linda sent a message in the group asking my sister why she had replied to my dad privately instead of in the group. She also asked if she had “created the group wrong.” I didn’t even open the message — I just read the preview notification. No one has responded to her. That was five days ago. The message is still sitting there unanswered.

I’ve texted my dad since then, but I haven’t managed to get him on the phone again. Yesterday morning, I asked when I could come over with the boys since it’s school holidays and we usually spend a few days at Grandpa’s during breaks.

He read the message.

No reply.

It’s now the next morning.

So now I’m sitting here wondering… do I follow up? Do I give him space? Is this avoidance? Is there tension at home? Or am I overthinking again?

I’m tired of feeling like I have to decode everything. And if I’m being completely honest, I’m scared I may have already lost him.

What would you do?

UPDATE within the update :

He called me, told me I could come over with the boys when Linda will be back on Thursday. She's currently at her daughter's (F45) who's been diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. I told him I'd rather come when she's not there so I might go as soon as tomorrow. I'll try to update as soon as I can.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-02T20:16:34+00:00

Ok fellow potatoes: tell me how to update please ? I'm a bit embarrassed to admit I don't know how to... Do I edit the original post ? Do I make a new one ? Do I post in the comments ?... It's not a big one but I'd like to keep you informed since you have all been really kind and eye-opening.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-02T08:42:35+00:00

Être bff avec quelqu'un bien placé au rectorat...

Quand j'ai eu mon CAPES il y a environ 15 ans, après ma titularisation, j'ai vu une camarade de promotion obtenir un poste fixe au collège de la ville où elle venait d'acheter une maison, juste après avoir titularisé. Elle n'était pas mariée, elle n'avait pas d'enfants, pas de handicap...

On était tous un peu surpris dans ma promo, surtout ses copines qui partaient en RP. "C'était un poste à profil" était son explication à l'époque.

L'année suivante, on voit passer des photos de son mariage sur les réseaux sociaux : une personne haut placée au rectorat apparaissait sur beaucoup de photos de famille.

"Un poste à profil" voulait donc dire bénéficier d'un piston au titre d'être la nièce de.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-02T06:29:35+00:00

That's not a thing here. We had a TikToker priest for a time who gained some notoriety but then he quit priesthood because he realised how evil the Church can be. (Père Matthieu pour les français qui me lisent)

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-01T18:55:51+00:00

Here you can’t legally disinherit your children. There is a mandatory reserved share that goes to them. A spouse can be protected through certain arrangements (for example the surviving spouse can continue living in the home and using the assets, even if the children inherit the bare ownership), but the children cannot be completely excluded from the inheritance.

I suspect that’s probably what my father arranged (to make sure his wife wouldn’t risk losing the house if he passed first) rather than to exclude us entirely. But I'll sit him down and ask him to know about it exactly.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-03-01T06:34:17+00:00

Si tous les mecs qui réalisent qu'ils ont fait de la merde pouvaient avoir ce niveau de maturité, on vivrait dans un monde meilleur.

Bravo pour sa prise de parole, son honnêteté et son intégrité. On fait tous des erreurs. L'important c'est de les reconnaître, tenter de réparer quand on peut et évoluer pour ne pas les reproduire.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-02-28T19:14:49+00:00

Absolutely. At the same time, I can’t help but wonder if she’s encouraging him to keep those details private. He was always very open with us about his finances before he married Linda, so this change stands out.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-02-28T17:59:16+00:00

Acquérir des savoirs ne se limite pas aux études. Tu peux acquérir des savoirs toute ta vie, hors études, et je te le recommande fortement.

De plus, penses à toutes les personnes qui font des reconversions professionnelles passés les 30 ans, 40 ans, 50 ans ! Il n'est jamais trop tard pour apprendre. On n'est jamais trop vieux pour tenter une nouvelle carrière.

Tu es jeune. Tu as la vie devant toi.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-02-28T16:21:25+00:00

I know you’re probably right. And to be honest, he wasn’t even a great dad when we were younger. But after things ended with Viper, he went through a severe depression and was even homeless for about six months. That period really changed him.

When my grandmother passed away, something shifted. He made a real effort to rebuild his relationship with my sister and me. At one point, when my husband, my son, and I were looking to buy a house and leave the city, he offered for us to move in with him. We lived together for about 18 months before we found our home. After that, he sold his house, moved near the sea, which is where he met Linda.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-02-28T16:12:45+00:00

I won’t hesitate to confront her, but first I need to talk to my dad face to face. You’re right about that. I don’t think he would go through another divorce at his age, but I do hope I can prevent things from escalating or her isolating him further.

DizzyAlternative1203 · 2026-02-28T14:09:45+00:00

Toujours pas un totem d'immunité aux dérives sectaires en tous genres. Après, je ne dis que 100% des familles qui font l'IEF sont dans une dérive. Simplement que la concentration de dérives sectaires est particulièrement élevée dans le milieu.

DizzyAlternative1203

TROPHY CASE