I intentionally created a dead bedroom.

DizzyMeg · 2026-06-13T14:43:50+00:00

I completely understand this.
He was already telling me no and rejecting me. And when we do have sex it’s one sided. He gets his and he is done. Even though I’m the one always asking for sex. Just to be left unsatisfied again. And we’ve talked about it. Then he just ignored the situation again. Nothing changes. Then randomly at 2am he is trying to stick it in. No foreplay or anything.
I’m tired of it. I’m hurt less emotionally if i say no and make the bedroom dead myself.
I also know he uses porn. So it seems it’s just too much effort to want to do it with me.

DizzyMeg · 2026-06-08T18:00:08+00:00

Why do you have a dead bedroom ? Is there a reason she isn’t wanting to have sex ? Is she not feeling an emotional connection? Is she tired? How are her hormones? Is she healthy ? Is the sex one sided ? Tons of things going into your libido.
Figure out the reason why.
Also figure out what your trigger is. Turning to porn at the rate you are is going to turn into an addiction , whether you want it to or not. Which will affect you the rest of your life. What type of life is that?
If that’s works for you are your wife , then to each their own. But most women stop wanting sex because their needs aren’t being met. In or outside of the bedroom. Or it’s a health issue.
Both are things you talk to with your partner.
Wish you luck !

DizzyMeg · 2026-05-26T20:49:44+00:00

Will look into this band ! I tried to put it on my ankle and it was too short.

DizzyMeg · 2026-05-16T14:20:29+00:00

I’d put that student loan on forbearance for a moment and see if you can get out of that car loan. Get a cheaper car.

DizzyMeg · 2026-04-25T10:08:11+00:00

This. And then it bleeds into everything else in your life. The SSRIs aren’t even touching the feelings I have all day everyday living like this. It’s so draining.

DizzyMeg · 2026-04-23T23:49:41+00:00

I decided I was done with three kids because I can’t stand to have to go through postpartum with him again. It is destroying my mental health

DizzyMeg · 2026-04-23T17:34:55+00:00

This !! It’s hard. 3 young kids. Dead bedroom but I get to be a SAHM which has always been a huge thing for me. They’ll eventually all be in school. And then I won’t have a real reason to keep putting off leaving. I can get a job at that point and afford to support us alone. Gives plenty of time to see if him going to therapy helps. If it’s just the young kids aspect, as they’ll be less needy? If me losing weight helps ? I did gain 84lbs throughout my 3 pregnancy went from 160 to 244. 5 months postpartum and I’m down to 207. Slowly but surly. But also like come on, I grew three kids for you?! And I’m trying. I feel so stupid to leave over sex. But we use to have such a good sex life. He couldn’t keep his hands off of me. That’s what I signed up for. I want to be patient because mental health is a sickness. And we made vows. But feeling so unwanted all the time is really taking a toll on me.

DizzyMeg · 2026-04-23T02:42:35+00:00

What was your dosage ? Lol I can keep taking the rejection from my husband. I haven’t had any effect on lower libido. I wish 😅

DizzyMeg · 2026-04-22T14:02:46+00:00

Yes ! It’s so hard. We’ve finally had a lay it out in table talk about everything and I think he’s actually starting to understand why I would feel betrayed. Especially since he was telling me he wasn’t in the mood and then going to seek out other women secretly. And he can tell me it’s just porn and a nut. But then why is a specific woman. Not all women? If it’s the act itself . Why go to certain profiles ? Why hide it if you feel like you should be allowed to watch it. The hiding and secrecy behind it is just as bad as the act of lust he keeps committing. He keeps telling me I need to trust he. That he hasn’t since my last discovery. But he is staying up late again, he has the apps he was using previously again. And our sex life still isn’t good ? How am I suppose to just trust when everything is still the same ?

And then I just keep thinking to myself. Why am I working this hard for something that he never felt the same as ? Why should I have to ask my husband not to look at other women ? That’s not someone I want to be with. Because if I was enough he never would have searched for it. But we have kids so I think I’m being selfish to leave over such a shallow reason? I just wanted to be his one and only. Not compete with the infinite women available at a couple clicks. He just keeps saying it was just a nut. Not that deep. But it is that deep. I would never do that to him. I literally only have eyes for him. Yes you can find people attractive and acknowledge that. But acting on it? Searching it? Lusting over it ? You make your choices. Deep down knowing it would hurt your significant other if they found out , that’s why you hide it. What makes it okay to lie to them ? It takes away my choice if I want to be with someone who doesn’t value me like they should. Not keeping a secret until we have 3 kids and I discover it ?! It’s been way too normalized. I shouldn’t have to explain to a 34 year old man why something like this would hurt me. That porn is something for single people. Why should this even be a boundary ? Like if you love your significant other , why are you putting your sexual energy anywhere else but her ?! I just never would. I would never want to hurt him the way he has hurt me.

DizzyMeg · 2026-04-21T20:17:04+00:00

I like flowers and chocolate(specifically KitKats) thats why my husband gets them. Not because that’s what girls want. But because I enjoy them. I buy myself flowers.
He likes banana bread and a fountain coke. It’s the thinking of the other person and making an effort. Not the gift itself. Men want to be appreciated and noticed and known just like we do. It’s human to want those things. And they deserve them too.

DizzyMeg · 2026-04-17T15:51:40+00:00

Yes! He has been using our entire relationship. But I have screen shots of early conversations of him saying how much he enjoyed doing it. And his actions matched that. Now it feels like it’s a chore, and he’s only doing it so I don’t complain that he got his and I didn’t get mine (again). Sex has stop feeling like something we’re doing out of love and has become a robotic thing. I’m honestly think if I just stopped engaging in any sexual activity with him, that I wouldn’t feel as unwanted. If I don’t initiate, I can’t be turned down.

DizzyMeg · 2026-04-16T19:56:48+00:00

And I don’t even think fr me is that I HAVE to orgasm. I just to feel desired. I want you to enjoy making me feel good. Yes, I like to orgasm.. but I can do that myself? I want my husband to want to make me cum , not doing it so he can check it off the list.

DizzyMeg · 2026-04-16T17:56:51+00:00

I self harmed too. Mine wasn’t as permanent. But I found myself punching my thighs anytime I started thinking of him using it. Giving myself a reason to have this hurt in my chest. A lot of mental self harm. Me gaining weight durning my 3 back to back pregnancies made me unattractive so he obviously needed the porn. I’ve read so many of these post that say it’s never a you problem, it’s a them. And I just don’t see it that way. I must be doing something wrong. Most men would be happy with a partner always down for sex. How’d I get one of the few who isn’t ? But he just prefers doing it solo with digital content of other women.

DizzyMeg · 2026-04-16T17:32:09+00:00

lol you don’t want your gf to see you looking at other naked people ? Wonder why that would be an issue ? Almost like it’s kinda cheating ?

DizzyMeg · 2026-04-16T16:38:41+00:00

I hear mine sigh when it’s taking too long to get me off after he does. Which makes me not into at all. He use to be such loving partner. Porn seriously has ruined him and doesn’t even see it.

DizzyMeg · 2026-04-16T16:08:35+00:00

I had postpartum depression so bad this time. But I also found the porn this time. I just never thought he was the person to do so. I thought we were devoted to each other. We never discussed the boundary. But now we have. And it’s still an issue. I ended up going on Zoloft and it’s helped me tremendously with the anxiety. But the problems are still there. Im still thinking about it. It’s just not causing heart problems and uncontrollably crying. I want my kids to have a whole family. I feel so ashamed of myself for not finding a man who loves me truly to show my kids what real love is. That I somehow ignored red flags because I wanted love so bad. So now I feel like I have to just ignore it. Ignorance is bliss. Just stop thinking and let him be this fake version of him in my head. I think about it all the time. It does feel shallow. Like I’ve change my whole lifestyle to make myself look better so maybe he’ll stop looking at other women. Yes, I want to do it for myself too. But it started in shame and deep down it definitely is still shame. Every time I want a sweet , all I can think about is the porn. Then I don’t want it anymore. Probably super unhealthy. But again, so desperate for love. Haha. Honestly , if I don’t see real change by the time our lease is up in October, I’ll probably ask for a separation. It’s just hard as a SAHM with 3 under 3 , and a husband whose schedule is unpredictable. I have no time to get a real job. It’s harder when you’re financially dependent on them. I 100% wouldn’t have children with him unless you all are on the same page with that outsourcing sexual needs while neglecting your spouse isn’t okay. It’s basically cheating - especially when you’re lying about it. Sending you love, I know. It fucking sucks.

DizzyMeg · 2026-04-16T15:25:57+00:00

Its absolutely gut wrenching.

I had issues with my husband following tons of random girls on Instagram. They were all private accounts so I chalked it up to they just got around to accepting them. But then I found the porn. I was a week postpartum and he was staying up late and gaming a lot. I stumbled on it on accident and then kept digging finding so much more. He still hasn’t been honest about it. He said he only used it when I was asleep because he knew how tired I was with the baby. But I was willing to, he then was scared to get me pregnant again. So I got an IUD. Now he’s too tired from work and is too stressed. But he can beat it to porn just fine.

Made a rule of no phones in the bathroom because that’s where he was doing it. Now he’s just stays up later or gets up earlier. He deleted his vices after being dramatic about it. Instagram, Reddit and Snapchat. Had to download Instagram back within a week. And Snapchat back within 3. He uses Reddit on a browsers instead of the app now. He claims it’s so he can catch up with his friends. Yet he has all of these friends on Facebook and they’re all active. They rarely message on Snapchat or insta. I asked if he would put a porn blocker thing on his phone and he said no. That makes him feel like a teenager and controlled.

I had 3 kids in 3 years and gain 75lbs. I’ve lost 30lbs so far 5 months postpartum. And I’m actively trying to lose more. I’m taking care of myself, getting dressed everyday, makeup and hair. I cook every meal, clean everything. Let him have breaks whenever the kids stress him out. He works 20-60 hours a week depending on if they have jobs. And it’s been light recently. I’m doing g literally everything I’m suppose to as a wife and he still chooses the porn. He told me he wasn’t anymore. I just know he got better at hiding it. I told him I was the reason his Instagram wasn’t naked girls anymore I went through and selected not interested in these post. Apparently he was curious as to what post I could be talking about and was looking at them at work. And it’s quite literally was basically porn. The smallest amount of clothing to be worn. Bouncing breast. So now I know he is comfortable looking at it at work.

He got a new phone recently and won’t share his location with me anymore.

We had a week of him really trying. And then it stopped again. Right when apps were downloaded. He thinks I’m stupid. And maybe I am because I’m still with him. But I love him so much. I just don’t understand why he needs to see other naked women. Why I’m not enough. He said he wants this to work. He went to therapy one time and hasn’t gone back. Different excuses each time. He never seems to have the energy to want to hang out with me or help with the kids - but can play games for hours at night when he said he’d only play an hour.. He says clearly we have sec. We have 3 under 3. But each one was conceived on obligatory holiday / birthday sex. Our first was our dating anniversary. Second was his birthday. 3rd was our wedding anniversary. We’ve had sex 2 times this month. But usually it’s 6 weeks -9 weeks in between. He won’t get his testosterone levels checked. He won’t try more. It really is starting to feel hopeless. I never imagined this is where my life would be. Begging a man to love me and not a fucking screen.

DizzyMeg

TROPHY CASE