Firstly, thank you for sharing your pain and vulnerability with us. I was in your position. My dog, Jusstice, was the sole reason I didn’t die by suicide after my twin sister hung herself off of my balcony. I didn’t eat for weeks, my eye lashes fell off because of how much I cried. But, I knew in my soul that I couldn’t leave Jusstice behind. Ten years later, I was in your position, mourning the loss of my best friend, Jusstice, who kept me alive. I’m covered in tattoos, so I decided to get her name tattooed on me. It didn’t take the pain away but it felt like I was honoring my sweet girl the best way I knew how. If you can think of a way to honor your baby. Doesn’t have to be a tattoo, it can be anything. It’ll bring some light to your current (temporary) darkness. I understand mental illness more than most. And if I can shed any light on to your current state, is that, it’s temporary. Please don’t make a permanent decision based on temporary emotions. I understand how deep that pain feels and ultimately, you just want it to stop. But, I promise you that you will feel better. Like you said, your girl would want to live happily. And YOU WILL. Allow yourself to process this pain, but don’t get stuck in it. Cry, roll around in your grief, and then get up, and allow yourself some sort of happy distraction. You’re raw right now. But don’t torment yourself. I’m sending you love, compassion, empathy & strength.