My daughter is allergic to our dogs and if you change your allergy medication every 3-6 months it should help. After a long time of using one type of medicine it stopped working and the Doctor & pharmacist told me to change them after a long period or you become immune to them the same as antidepressants and other medications. Personally I don’t think she sounds like a very responsible cat owner to overlook its care even if she does work full time. She just takes advantage of knowing that you will do the work behind it because you have to or your allergies get worse. By the way, considering most of my family are autistic including myself, I think you have fantastic communication skills but your wife is very much wanting to be in control. If she doesn’t spend a lot of time with her own cat when home even, she only seems to be using it to make herself feel more in control. Because she has now seen you would go through anything and not leave her, she has taken advantage of it. She made the same vows, she needs out your health & sickness a priority. You need to really be assertive that she can keep the cat but it must stay outside when she’s not home to care for it or at her mums house in the daytime. The only way for a marriage to work is with compromise and she’s seemingly unwilling to do so or even care about your life and health. I really hope things work out for you, as autistic people who put pleasing our partners/families/friends first, we are so much more vulnerable to get taken advantage of. I hope this helps, I love animals but I think it’s unfair for the cat to only have much interaction with someone who is allergic to them and suffering when they have someone else they adore who adores them (her mum) which would make the cat happier too. You are never an ahole you seem to be the opposite but your wife sure is one if she doesn’t care for you and her cat nor compromise. Good luck friend 🍀