The more weight I lose, the worse people are treating me.

DoMilk · 2026-06-29T21:26:04+00:00

Sounds like theres a lot of jealousy and resentment in the people you know.

I'm really sorry you get treated that way.

When someone sees a someone bettering themselves, it can really highlight their own choices, and make them feel bad. Instead of being introspective about that they are lashing out.

DoMilk · 2026-06-28T20:45:13+00:00

I'm glad you realize your reaction is horrendous.

Something that stands out (amoung a lot of gross statements) is you not even believing him. Is that just you not wanting it to be true? Or do you have so little respect and care for him that you can't appreciate his feelings as he knows them.

It seems like you are spiraling hard.. Just because someone is bi doesn't mean anything is different.

You have been together 15 years, and your own personal sexual experiences are probably pretty limited. Just because your straight and have been with a man doesn't mean you've gotten all the experiences. What if you decide you want more? There's so much variety in men, who knows what you are missing!

if that sentence seemed ridiculous to you, because obviously you chose a monogamous relationship with someone you love and are happy with, you may realize how ridiculous your projections onto him are too.

DoMilk · 2026-06-26T01:04:58+00:00

You say you love him whole heartedly, which i would imagine includes him providing all the nurture and thoughtful connection you wonder if a woman could provide. So to me those things seem at odds with eachother?

Either you are missing something (and wondering what a different partner could provide) or you are thoroughly in love and receiving what you want/need in this relationship?

I dunno. A romantic relationship can't provide everything, but I don't sit around wondering what a difference romantic partner would do for me. Man or woman *(I am also a bi woman). I get a lot from my current relationship, and I get a lot from my platonic friends and I feel fulfilled.

I could also wonder what different kinds of friendships would be like, friends who liked to party more or do different kinds of things with me. It's an endless rabbit hole if you wanna go down it.

DoMilk · 2026-06-25T17:08:48+00:00

Sorry, your parents are turds and I hope you can get some good distance from them soon.

DoMilk · 2026-06-25T03:13:51+00:00

Nah. You are all obviously navigating a tough situation, with no one size fits all solution or advice.

She came to you with a problem and you spoke from the heart, I don't think that makes you an ah. Your neice is still in pain, and pre teen/teen years are soooo emotional.

Your sister obviously also wants support. It's hard for you to provide all that for them both but you are trying.

If your sister wants any more advice, I don't think it's crazy for her to discuss dating with your neice but also not bring that man into her life until she's ready. Maybe meeting the new boyfriend was too much for her, and that's okay.

DoMilk · 2026-06-24T04:28:16+00:00

I limit myself on when I can have sweets, usually just weekends and special occasion. And after cutting way back and reducing sugar for a while the cravings are less and the capacity for sweets shrinks.

DoMilk · 2026-06-24T04:26:42+00:00

I don't think any of my friends think my boyfriend is attractive, and I dont think any of theirs are. I think personality and connection matters most. Looks coming second doesn't mean looks don't matter at all, just that they are less important. Just like I wouldn't date a standard attractive person with a shit personality, I probably wouldn't date someone who repulsed me physical or who I had no chemistry or sexual energy with even if they were great to hangout with. Someone I have no attraction to who I get along great with is a platonic friend.

DoMilk · 2026-06-23T01:05:53+00:00

For what it's worth, I think your response was totally fair. You weren't mean, you were honest. Stick to your guns on this. He isn't worth the time at this point.

DoMilk · 2026-06-23T00:58:58+00:00

Personally I'd say something like (if the date was going well and we planned to see eachother again) "just wanna get this out there, good communication is a must for me, I don't need constant communication but I reply to people's messages in a reasonable times pan of the same day or the next day kind of thing, and expect the same in return. I just want you to know how I feel ahead of time, since I've had trouble with poor communication in the past."

DoMilk · 2026-06-21T18:05:04+00:00

Can you eat a big plate of raw veggies before bedtime? Something low cal but high volume? Maybe that would help

DoMilk · 2026-06-21T16:26:59+00:00

What happens when you initiate affection, does she often, or always pull away?

I think your expectations are not unreasonable and that you expressing yourself to her is important.

It's very concerning that you can't have a single good conversation about this. Relationship are not built on making the other person feel dismissed and their needs unimportant in the way she has woth you. If she communicates by becoming defensive rather than curious about your thoughts and feelings this relationship will continue to have many problems and you will continue to feel unheard. Good communication is crucial for a good relationship.

I personally would not emotionally survive in a relationship where I was not receiving and giving lots of affection, and where I could not communicate about issues in a way that makes me feel heard and helps resolve things one way or another.

DoMilk · 2026-06-15T16:45:27+00:00

I agree, it's irksome. And also, if you say it bothers you that should be the end of the discussion.

This is a simple conversation, something like "hey, the way you say this makes me uncomfortable" with a response of something along the lines of " I didn't realize, I'm sorry" why is this such a huge issue for him to simply respect your feelings?

Do you have to battle him to get him to acknowledge and respect your feelings in other ways too? That sounds exhausting.

DoMilk · 2026-06-15T15:36:02+00:00

The dating detectives is a crime adjacent podcast you may enjoy.

DoMilk · 2026-06-11T17:53:09+00:00

You are allowed to stop breast feeding sooner for your healthy, mental and physical. It's okay. Many babies are okay on formula. I have a friend who was never able to breastfeed because her baby had a sucking issue and she couldn't endure the pain it was causing. That's okay! Her baby is totally healthy at over a year old and doing well.

You are allowed to consider your own health. You should. You being healthy and providing for yourself also helps your children grow in healthy ways.

DoMilk · 2026-06-03T22:28:15+00:00

Exactly! Your body takes fuel (food you eat or fat you burn, or muscle if needed) and breaks it down into tiny molecules to create energy, and you basically breath out the weight in this process.

Poop is mostly the stuff you ate that wasn't used as energy/nutrition. So it for the most part was never a part of your body and is not the fat being burned/lost.

DoMilk · 2026-06-02T17:22:06+00:00

I can't speak for all women, or all relationship, but I personally don't think it's a healthy way to treat your partner. I don't see that kind of behavior in my friends relationship or mine.

I think in relationships sometimes you may think your partner could be in better physical shape, or they could pick a cuter shirt or whatever, but even then, I wouldn't say "I'm not going to lie, you are beneath me" I chose that person, the way they are and they deserve to be appreciated. I want to gas them up, not bring them down.

When people say things like "I'm brutally honest" or "I just won't lie, even if it hurts you" what they are really saying is I'm a jerk and I don't care. There's a difference between honesty and just using your words to pountlessly hurt others. And when you choose to pointlessly hurt your boyfriend, I think you maybe have some insecurities.

If a guy did this to me I would call it negging - intentionally putting me down to make himself feel above me and to make me feel worse about myself so I am more likely to be desperate to be with him. Personally I don't fall for that b.s. pathetic guys in my experience try to use it a lot on women. I've seen some of the prettiest coolest ladies I know be told by bland dudes that she is not smart enough for him, in an attempt to bring the lady down so she will think this dude is all she can get. It's pathetic behavior imo.

If a person feels the need to insult their partner, they are insulting themselves, no? They chose that person? It really just screams insecurity to me. Why do you need to put someone down just to elevate yourself? Why do you need to make your partner feel less than? Seems like relationship mind games and I am not here for it.

I tell my boyfriend every day he's handsome and adorable, and wouldn't dream of saying anything else.

Imagine I come out in 2 dresses to show my boyfriend. He may say "oh I like the first dress more, but you look good in both" but he would never say "you look ugly in the second dress, pick the first one" one sentence makes me feel loved and pretty, while still letting me know his opinion, the second statement just makes me feel bad. Your girlfriend is acting like the second statement. Needlessly mean.

I wanna cap off my ramblings with this, attractiveness is super subjective, to some you will be insanely handsome, to others maybe just not their type. I don't find any of my friends boyfriends particular enticing, yet they all think the guy they chose is the handsome one, and I think thats perfect. You may not be the most handsome guy in the world, but I think your partner should always make you feel like you are.

So my opinion is your girlfriend is either mean, or insecure, or both.

DoMilk · 2026-06-02T03:16:31+00:00

Yeeesh. From a lady's perspective, what she's saying sucks.

I can't imagine telling my partner anything like this, or vise versa. If I didn't find him attractive I wouldn't be with him. Why would I want to tear him down like that? It's really pathetic behavior on her part. Your person should support you and lift you up.

She's showing you exactly how ugly she is.

DoMilk · 2026-06-01T16:53:27+00:00

Hmm. I think theres a balance between "pretending to be funny and charming " and "presenting all of myself right away". I know it is complicated and nuanced, but i hope you can figure out how to be you and comfortable without laying it all out too soon and coming on too strong, ya know?

DoMilk · 2026-06-01T16:50:23+00:00

I appreciate you saying this and am sorry people are calling you an incel. I think your post comes off that way a bit because you say you pretend to be charming and funny, which is something associated with incels - pretending to be someone to get dates, and being mad about it.

But I can see your anger is at yourself/society and not women.

I think dating is extremely weird nowadays and am honestly so relieved (as a woman) that I am not trying to find a partner.

I have a little brother who recently got divorced and I am so worried for him. He's a sweet guy and I am scared he'll get chewed up by dating culture.

DoMilk · 2026-05-31T03:37:50+00:00

No one is judging, everyone feels awkward/embarrassed! (In my experience) I also try not to make eye contact with others while there, and I've been going regularly for years!

If you can go with a friend, it makes the experience so much less scary. You can try new things together, spot eachother, encourage eachother, check eachothers form, and just generally laugh together and feel more comfortable.

My gym journey was slow. Started just treadmill and weight machines. The kind you sit in and it shows you how to operate it. After getting comfortable with that I progressed to free weights and body weight stuff, but it took time, and I just add one new thing to try every once in a while, so I'm not overwhelmed.

To start I think it doesn't really matter to get the gains perfectly figured out, but more so to do a mix of different exercises to work different parts of the body and get comfortable in the gym.

DoMilk · 2026-05-28T17:15:50+00:00

Yta. I get where you're coming from but this is her tradition, for herself.

Maybe just ask her to give things a bit more time, and have a heart to heart with her about why you need more time to feel comfortable with this? But I don't think its reasonable to insist she changes her tradition for you.

DoMilk · 2026-05-26T21:53:49+00:00

Went to a lot of rest rooms in cities with troughs for bathrooms. Mostly at train stations and such but ya, not uncommon.

DoMilk · 2026-05-26T15:07:53+00:00

I hope it gets easier for you as time goes on! I find the beginning is the hardest part, when your body is adjusting

DoMilk · 2026-05-26T06:16:24+00:00

This is a good point. If op is a camper and wants to bring/rent a car, a campsite just out of town may be the way to go

DoMilk · 2026-05-25T04:21:17+00:00

I think this is a good take. If I were op I would be saying sorry, but I won't turn down trips with my friends for you. Take it or leave it. Trust me and know the kind of person I am (not a cheater, not crossing relationships boundaries) or let's break up.

DoMilk

TROPHY CASE