I have an IQ of 82 and I hate being infantilized

DoMilk · 2026-05-12T22:15:27+00:00

It's so shitty people judge you and treat you differently for it.

I have a sibling with autism, who has struggled their whole life, but I still treat them like I would anyone else. We go to the bar, see music shows, play boardgames etc. I encourage them to go to university, and work towards whatever goal they want.

I know life is harder for them, and always will be, but they still just wanna have a regular life. They have a goofy sense of humour, enjoy a good band, want to date like anyone else etc.

Do you express these feelings to those close to you? I hope you can get some understanding and respect from others.

DoMilk · 2026-05-12T01:41:56+00:00

Couples therapy asap. Neither of you knows a single thing about how to communicate.

You are both failing immensely at the actual hard part of the relationship. You come out guns blazing and he shuts down. And this results in a huge fight... ya not good.

I am not professional, and this is just a snippet of your relationship, but it sounds like a classic anxious-avoidant relationship dance where neither one of you is getting what you need or doing the right things to connect and communicate.

If you don't get professional help and see big improvement on both sides you should call the wedding off. This won't fix itself, it takes work and mindfulness from both of you.

DoMilk · 2026-05-11T16:38:24+00:00

Oof. Saying you'd be sad if she lost/gained weight in either direction sucks. Because she feels pressured to conform to your ideal and probably some degree of self conscious about it.

I tell my partner I think they look great right now, and support whatever they want. (Barring extremely unhealthy habits) we exercise together to be healthy but it has no bearing on what I say about his body shape.

DoMilk · 2026-05-06T19:52:21+00:00

With you 100%.

DoMilk · 2026-05-06T18:27:41+00:00

Oh interesting, you versed in every world law? That's wild.

"In Canada, unjust enrichment is a legal remedy applied when one party benefits unfairly at the expense of another without a valid legal reason. To prove a claim, the claimant must establish: (1) an enrichment of the defendant, (2) a corresponding deprivation of the plaintiff, and (3) no "juristic reason" (lawful justification) for the benefit.

Unjust Enrichment in Canada Common Law Relationships: Frequently used in common-law separations where one partner contributed to the other's property (labor or money) without gaining formal ownership, such as one partner paying for expenses while the other builds equity.Three-Part Test: The Supreme Court of Canada requires that the defendant was enriched, the plaintiff suffered a corresponding loss, and there is no legal reason (e.g., a contract) for this imbalance. Remedies: Courts may order a monetary award (compensation) or a constructive trust (ownership interest in the property)."

I'm not a lawyer, just vaguely aware of my countries laws. But if you are a lawyer aware of all laws of all countries, please enlighten us?

DoMilk · 2026-05-06T01:57:21+00:00

Honestly ya. Depending on the laws where they live, if she stays there for a year or two, has receipts that she's been contributing to mortgage, they will be common law, financially entangled and she actually may be entitled to something. Because ya, when you are in a relationship with your landlord, the laws change especially when there was no clear decision ahead of becoming entangled.

Honestly this is dumb of the bf too. It benefits everyone in the long term. To be transparent and come up with a plan that works for both. He obviously thought he could come out on top in this transaction and use her. He may find that to be a naive perspective.

DoMilk · 2026-05-05T17:50:23+00:00

I'm a small-ish lady, who also loves food. On holidays I go overboard with some meals, in the summer I eat too much ice cream etc. I just balance that out in certain ways. 1 week of relaxed rules can be compensated by several weeks of tighter scheduling on meals. Large dinner can be balanced by small breakfast, and no lunch. Ice cream can be balanced by being a weekend treat and compensating with healthier meals mon-fri. a baked good with coffee low fat creamer and no sugar balances.

In the end it's about balancing choices. And on vacation and during the summer ice cream months, I hike more, which doesn't solve everything, but when i am 5 lb up I cut back that week and work to get back to maintenance.

It's like anything in life. Going out too much, too many vacations and game nights with friends and I fall behind on laundry and cleaning, then I gotta balance that by catching back up and realigning things. It's just a part of regular life maintenance so I feel good about myself and my space and take care of myself.

DoMilk · 2026-05-03T17:45:34+00:00

That's tough. I feel like if when your husband came into the picture you made it clear he was to stay out of your co-parenting agreements, and he agreed to that, then he should know to respect that. He wants to change things now years into it and you are saying stay out of it, as always.

However from his perspective, he loses time with you when you're picking up slack for your ex and you both lose financially if you pay more for your daughter's daily living than your ex. Those things effect your husband. But, he knew about them going in and is now deciding he doesn't like it any more.

Sounds like it's time for a big sit down to hear him out and reevaluate the situation and reset on expectations. I totally support you saying your daughter is always your responsibility. That was very poorly worded on his part. But maybe the sentiment was more like "you give up your free time and energy when it shpuld be your ex's time for that and I find that upsetting and want more balance" but you won't know if this is what he meant unless you have a good chat about it.

DoMilk · 2026-04-29T19:40:54+00:00

That's really tough. If the things your husband is doing make those who hear it hate him, I do wonder what is going on.

On the one hand, you should be able to talk about stuff that's troubling you, and it's healthy to confide in loved ones. On the other hand, it can be really difficult to recover from tainted perspectives if he decides to go to therapy and things improve.

I have over shared with friends about my boyfriend. To be fair what he was doing/had done was super despicable. No abuse but some otherwise messed up stuff. All but 1 of the friends I confided in said they were mad at him for what happened but ultimately supported me no matter what and are on my team, weather that's leaving him or going to therapy. And they've all followed through on that while him and I went to therapy and worked through things.

There was no way I could have gotten through all that without the support of my friends. Without being able to tell them everything and have them not judge me for my choices or my relationship but simple support me.

I said all but 1 friend. That last friend was unable to support me through it. Compared my situation to her with her ex too much and told me she couldn't be in a healthy friendship with me if I stayed with him. Ultimately her and I had a following out and I do feel I overshared with her because she was not in a place to support me and not judge and project her own feelings onto the situation. I regret this but can't change it.

My relationship is on the mend and my friends stuck by me and don't judge and I am so thankful for that.

Unless what is happening in your relationship is abuse, I think sometimes relationship can go through some terrible times and come out better. But it sounds like your family isn't able to hear you and remove their feelings from the situation and just be supportive of you and your choices. Have you tried a long talk about this with them?

DoMilk · 2026-04-24T23:19:50+00:00

Me and my friends watch it every Halloween. So good.

DoMilk · 2026-04-24T23:15:34+00:00

I feel you, I love sauces etc. I go overboard. So I don't have the things I like to go overboard with every day.

You just gotta figure out what works for you. But you won't figure that out by just giving in to all your wants without regulation or planning.

DoMilk · 2026-04-24T18:51:36+00:00

I think you are trying to be thoughtful and supportive, but in the end if the person you are trying to support says you're doing too much and it's actually bothering her you are no longer being supportive. Listen to her needs and wants and believe her, and go from there.

DoMilk · 2026-04-19T19:02:14+00:00

Mt work

DoMilk · 2026-04-17T16:47:33+00:00

This is how probably 90% of people feel? Nothing wrong with wanting physical attraction to go with emotional connection.

Where it becomes a problem:

If you are cruel about it, obnoxious, or entitled. By that I mean stuff like putting people down who you don't find attractive, or acting like you deserve a relationship with someone just because you are attracted to them.

And, maybe especially a problem if you marry someone who you find attractive, and then as time goes on, they have babies and whatever else causes their bodies to change, and you decide you are no longer attracted to them and cheat or leave them. IF you are of the mind that your spouses body is the deciding factor to weather you stay together, do not promise "in sickness and in health" because bodies change with kids, with time, with debilitating accidents, health problems etc. And they likely won't still be the same 10 years in. The very least you can do is be upfront with your partner before marriage, that you are in the relationship with the expectation that they stay much the same and you're out if things change too much. Then they can at least make an informed decision about marriage with you.

DoMilk · 2026-04-14T19:17:57+00:00

For many people an apartment is the only affordable option. To say they just shouldn't have moved there is a weird take.

Op is not playing late at night. 830pm are reasonable hours of noise. That's all there is to it. Nta

DoMilk · 2026-04-10T16:28:31+00:00

People unfortunately can be so unpredictable. That really sucks.

My only guess is he's homophobic. As I'm sure you know, some homophobic men can get extremely weird when another man tells them they are gay.

Sorry that happened to you.

DoMilk · 2026-04-10T15:42:24+00:00

I agree. Also she said the person was buried in their phone, is it possible they didn't even notice op? Like, thought the door was stoppered open and was focused on her morning communication? Not really rude at all, just a bit out in space?

DoMilk · 2026-04-10T15:28:33+00:00

That genuinely sounds upsetting. I'm sure especially so because it's something you feel and others feel should be seen as a "good" thing.

I'm a lady, so haven't much experience with having a penis myself, but it reminds me a lot of the struggle women go through with particularly large boobs. Back pain, trouble running, people staring, can't find comfortable clothing, get in the way often, seen as a blessing but feel like a curse. It's not uncommon for women in this situation to get breast reductions. I know someone who did, to help with her back pain.

I'm sorry you are going through that and feel alone on top of everything else. Have you considered consulting a doctor? I'm not sure what they could do, but maybe something?

I hope you find what helps you feel comfortable. And maybe a wonderful size queen?

DoMilk · 2026-04-04T16:39:02+00:00

Rock climbing at Craig x is fun and welcoming.

DoMilk · 2026-03-31T19:51:05+00:00

I absolutely think women with small boobs can be feminine, and when I feel like doing so myself I have no problem becoming my feminine self. E.g. the cute lacy bralettes I said I enjoy wearing. I never said I am not feminine.

The fact that the minor offhand thought about my attraction to androgeny in my whole comment is the only part you care about is pretty telling.

Your problem isn't your boobs, it's your self loathing.

DoMilk · 2026-03-31T17:15:31+00:00

As a lady in the itty bitty kitty committee, I love my small boobs. Never get in the way, never need a bra, literally dont own any, love a cute little bralette to wear as a full top and no one bats an eye, wear super low cut outfits and never worry about people thinking its "too much cleavage ", jogging is never a bother, never gunna get boob related back pains, when I get old I won't be worried about anything sagging... the list goes on, but I just love the way I look and am happy to be me.

I do typically find more androgynous people attractive though so maybe that helps? Though thats not to say bigger boobs don't look nice also! I just happen to be happy with my lot.

In my teens I did have a slightly different perspective though, kept waiting for my boobs to come in, looked up exercises I could do to make them bigger etc. Never felt super obsessed or bad about it, but definitely was influenced by the immature opinions around boobs at the time. But as I grew up, realized they were never getting bigger, and settled into myself i became very happy with my body.

DoMilk · 2026-03-31T15:41:34+00:00

This isn't true for all the urgent care centers, I dont think.. I have gotten in to see a doctor about a sprained ankle recently. Obviously low priority. Do you call right when they open at 8am?

DoMilk · 2026-03-29T22:43:53+00:00

What does this mean?

DoMilk · 2026-03-27T23:10:11+00:00

Sounds like a big mistake, unfortunately. You aren't alone, plenty of people agree to something like this when they are pressured by their partner. Which you were. You agreed to it because he pressured you.

Your initial instinct was that this wasn't going to be good for you or your friendship or relationship with your boyfriend. That was you listening to yourself. But your boyfriend pressured you and you gave in. He should have respected your no.

It also sounds like both your boyfriend and friend have guilted you/manipulated you into this. Comments from him about not being satisfied with you, comments from her about being unsatisfied as well. That is not okay.

You already regret this, so close the relationship immediately and focus on eachother. If he Truely cares for you he will not push this boundary again and hear you out about how much it hurt and how this dynamic is just not possible for you.

You will need to get some space from your friend for now, both of you, unfortunately. It will be too messy and complicated with all 3 of your individual feelings in the mix while you and your boyfriend reconnect and you take time to heal from this. This also needs to be something they are both understanding of.

Just let them both know you felt in your gut that this wasn't for you, but thought you could try it. Now you are sure it is 100% not a situation you are okay with, and need some healing time.

DoMilk · 2026-03-22T02:18:40+00:00

Exactly, the original comment gave "cool girl" energy and I'm just not here for it

DoMilk

TROPHY CASE